Robert Seleman

who was Robert Selman

studied how children understand other people’s thoughts and feelings.

what is Selman theory called

5 stages of friendship

first stage

momentary playmates (3-7 years): children who happen to be close by and have the same interests. The child does not understand that the other children have different thoughts so they become upset when disagreements occur.

second stage

one-way assistance ( 4-9 years): children understand friendship goes further than the activity they are doing at the time. However, they see friendship as the benefits it gives to them.

third stage

two-way ( 6-12 years): children understand others thoughts as well as their own. fairness is key aspect of the friendship. children are very judgemental of themselves and become jealous easily.

fourth stage

intimate (11-15 years): mutually shared relationships . friends at this stage help problem solve, share thoughts. may have best friends.

fifth stage (adolescence):

mature friendship. appreciate differences between themselves and friends. not possessive as they don’t feel threatened when friends have other friends

how is Selman’s theory useful in childcare

helps practitioners support children’s social skills, empathy, sharing, conflict resolution

example of Selman’s theory in practice

helping a child understand why another child is upset during a disagreement.

one strength of Selman’s theory?

explains how empathy and social understanding

one limitation of Selman’s theory

not all children develop at the same rate, culture and experience can affect stages.