MFT GREEN BOOK - CHAPTER 16: COUPLES THERAPY IN COUPLE THERAPY

Differentiation

Ability to balance emotional connection and autonomy in relationships; key in Bowen theory

Externalizing the Problem

Narrative technique separating the person from the problem (e.g., “we vs infertility”)

Disenfranchised Grief

Loss not socially recognized or validated (e.g., infertility, miscarriage)

Infidelity as Communication

Affair reflects unmet emotional needs and relational dysfunction

Triangulation

Three-person dynamic that stabilizes anxiety but maintains dysfunction

Pseudo-reconciliation

Temporary reunion that masks unresolved relational conflict

Binuclear Family

Post-divorce system with two separate but connected family units

Co-parenting

Collaborative parenting relationship after separation or divorce

Joint Custody

Shared parental responsibility; effective when conflict is low

Split Custody

Arrangement where siblings are divided between parents

Homeostasis

System tendency to maintain stability even if dysfunctional

Second-Order Change

Deep structural/systemic transformation rather than surface change

Coming Out Process

Disclosure of sexual orientation as a systemic family event

Internalized Homophobia

Internalization of societal stigma toward homosexuality

Homo-negative Attitude

Acceptance of homosexuality but discomfort with individuals

Homo-confused

Lack of knowledge without strong bias toward homosexuality

Emotional Reactivity

High emotional response that interferes with rational functioning

Scapegoating

Blaming one member (often a child) for systemic problems

Parentification

Child assumes adult emotional or caregiving roles

Divorce Mediation

Non-adversarial process to resolve divorce-related conflicts

Ambivalence Stage

Phase where partners fluctuate between staying and leaving

Distancing Stage

Emotional withdrawal prior to separation

Physical Separation

Crisis point when partners physically separate

Pre-divorce Fantasies

Imagining life outside the marriage

Post-divorce Co-parenting

Adjustment phase of shared parenting after divorce

Blended Family

Family system formed through remarriage

External Stressors (Infertility)

Medical and social pressures impacting couple dynamics

Narrative Reframing

Changing meaning of problem to reduce blame and shame

Disclosure (Infidelity)

Therapeutic process of revealing affair in a controlled setting

Contraindication for Disclosure

Situations where disclosure is unsafe (e.g., violence risk)

Non-monogamy (Consensual)

Agreed-upon relational structure not inherently pathological

Cultural Competence

Therapist awareness of biases and cultural context

Differentiation (Coming Out)

Ability to remain connected while maintaining identity

Family Projection Process

Transmission of parental anxiety onto child

Emotional Cutoff

Managing unresolved attachment by reducing or eliminating contact