9-5 Script (JUDY)

Uniquely censored by my high school director.

Hey, Babe.

Dick, what are you doing here?

Your sister told me you got a job. Doesn't look like it’s exactly up your alley.

Oh no, it’s completely up my alley. I own this alley. I’ll be done in a minute. Do you want to grab a bite to eat? Maybe talk?

Judy, I can’t stay. Mindi’s waiting in the car. These are the final divorce papers. You need to sign them and give them to your lawyer.

Oh, I…

Bye, Judy.

What's she doing in the car? Practicing for her learner’s permit? —Dick?—I’m sorry ....

No. Wait, what?

Judy Bernly, please hold, Judy Bernly, please hold, this is—

Hello? Hello?

Hello?

You hung up on them, didn’t you?

Sure did. But I didn’t cry!

Alright, okay, so I made a little mistake.

Violet, Hart fired Maria! You've got to do something!

I think I at least deserve a “sorry.”

Doralee, I am sooooo sorry.

Well, it ain’t the sweetest apology I ever got but it'll do.

Can you believe he fired Maria just for discussing salaries?

What a liar.

What a creep!

Hang on, I’ve got something that will.

Is that alcohol?

I’m in.

Me too!

scene change what!

You threatened him with a gun?

I got it right here!

You don’t shoot animals with that thing, do you, Doralee?

I tell you what I’d like to do. Hunt Hart. Get my lasso and chase his lily white tail. See how he likes it.

Oh, that’s funny. That’s so funny. You are beautiful.

You' are hammered.

Hey, you guys! I have the funniest picture in my head. Now I’m picturing myself picturing the picture and I am in the picture of me picturing the picture. Of the picture. In my head.

What was the picture of?

What picture?

The one in your head!

Oh yeah. I have this image of Hart running for his life and the whole office is out to get him and hunt him down!

Ohmygod, they found out already.

We don’t know that. This is not the time to panic.

He’s dead.

Now is the time to panic.

Who cares? I’m finished. I’m a murderer.

No, you're not!

Violet, calm down.

Fun fact—she won the Oscar for that role.

Judy! Not helping.

Sorry. I share trivia when I’m nervous.

I’m going to lose my job!

Now don’t jump to conclusions.

Okay, you're getting hysterical. We’re gonna go find a payphone and call you a lawyer.

Don’t move. We'll be right back.

No. Tell ya what. How about we walk out of here, real calm like.

We'll pick up Josh and make a run for the border. Violet, don’t you worry. Doralee and I are going to take care of you. It’s your turn to lean on us. Why are you crying?

Violet, step away from the body.

Start walking.

No. You know what? I quit.

Well, I hope you're happy. Healing was her life!

scene change after hospitalll

You positive no one’s here?

We've got to make sure there are no traces of the poison. I’m going to wipe up the coffee area in case I spilled.

I'll help you.

I don’t hold with that kind of language!

Ohhhhhh, Mr. Hart.

He knows everything. He was gonna call the police. Where's Violet?

Still cleaning up.

Watch him while I find her.

I’m so sorry about this, Mr. Hart. What?

Gtisfenrgnthiomymf.

I can’t understand you. You have a gag in your mouth.

Thank God, one of you has come to your senses. Now untie me so we can work this out.

Nooooooo, I can’t do that.

Come on, there’s a little pain involved here ....

Mr. Hart, I'd like to offer you my sincere apologies. You know Doralee didn’t really mean it? This all is one big misunderstanding ...

But you gave me your word!

Well there’s nothing to stop me from driving to the police.

Yes there is. Hold it or I’ll shoot.

My God, you’re as crazy as the other two.

BANG BANG into the roommm

Judy, what are you doing?

I am taking care of business!

You can’t do that to me!

We really can't.

Here’s an idea ... I say we let bygones be bygones.

Don’t listen to him, he lies, he lies!

I'd take him home but I don’t think Dwayne would go for that.

Mrs. Hart’s on vacation, we could take him to his house.

We're not taking orders from you anymore.

The tables are turning.

We can’t keep this up. We’re going to have to do something about her.

Has anyone ever tried to shoot her?

No, we've got to find something we can use to blackmail him. Then we make a deal.

We don’t turn him in and he doesn’t turn us in.

What about a scandal? Get a picture of him in a compromising situation.

I don’t know about that. I never realized how unpopular Mr. Hart is.

You're right. Other than Roz, no one wants to see him face to face.

The only problem is there’s no way we’re gonna hold Roz at bay for much longer.

Let’s send her on vacation.

She can’t take more than two weeks. That might not be enough time.

A language immersion center! There’s one in Denver you have to live at for a month. Dick took French once when his business was thinking of opening overseas.

Not bad. Hart writes her a memo about a major expansion. He needs executives who speak French.

Do you think she’d go?

Two sets of accounting books. Looks like Hart’s been stealing from the company!

No way. No head of a company would ever fake the books and steal from its stockholders.

We're gonna have to check his bank accounts for a start. Here’s where faking his signature is gonna come in handy.

Violet, isn’t Joe in accounting? Maybe he could help us.

No, it’s possible that Joe could even be in on this. We’re going to have to handle this ourselves.

Hey, wouldn’t it be funny if we posted some changes from Hart?

Like being able to keep pictures and things on our desks?

Or like getting a whole hour for lunch?

Think bigger.

An hour and a half?

Too big. It’s the Old Boys club. I could never be CEO.

Sure you could.

But it could never happen.

Look how far we’ve come already.

Scene change to elevataaa

You ready?

Judy, can you see Mr. Hart?

Yes, yes I see him. Mr. Hart, wait a minute! Aw, you just missed him.

Sorry Roz, it’s “business and nothing but.”

As Mr. Hart always says.

As Mr. Hart always… says.

I think you'll find everything you need in here.

What, what?

Better get going, Roz, it’s already 5:00.

Ain’t it great that Margaret says it’s only three weeks in rehab and she’s feelin’ like a brand new woman?

Too bad there’s no sexist, egotistical lying hypocritical bigot rehab we can send Hart to.

We are so good at this.

We should try to take over all the Regional offices.

Judy? Too big!

You know we only have a few days till Roz gets back.

Don’t worry. We'll be ready for her.

I sure hope so. Okay, I gotta go to daycare.

Again?

I can’t help it. The babies are so cute!

Scene change hart’s room… jeepers

Alrighty, Mr. Hart, night night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.

You're never gonna get away with this. Sooner or later someone’s going to notice I’m not there!

No, I don’t think so. You see, you can’t treat people the way you do and expect them to miss you when you’re gone. It hurts me to have to say that to you but honestly, Mr. Hart —

Blah blah blah, for pity’s sake, will you stop talking!

Ok, then. Nighty, night.

Dick, what are you doing here? How did you know where I was?

I've been following you for awhile. Whose place is this?

You have to go.

You're here alone, aren’t you?

I’m house sitting. For a friend.

How about a cup of coffee for your husband?

Ex husband.

Technicality.

Maybe to you. I thought you were in Mexico with whatshername.

Yeah, well ... things sorta didn’t work out.

She dumped you, didn’t she?

What was that?

Nothing. Probably the cat. I’ll go check.

Big cat.

Stay here, Dick.

Run into hart’s room

Ohmygosh!!!

Get away from me!

Stay out!

Who’s he?

My boss!

Why didn’t you ever do that with me?

What?

You're into all that now?

Yeah. That's right. All of it. I’m into everything. Let’s go, get out of here!

So typical. Having an affair with your boss.

You had one with your secretary!

But now I want you back! This isn’t you.

You don’t know me. I’ve changed!

Not this much! You can’t be serious —

Don’t tell me what I can do Dick! If I want to have an affair or get drunk, you can’t stop me!

Judy?

Did you know that JR’s mother is Mary Martin?

I was, but thanks to Consolidated’s Alcoholism treatment program I’m a new woman. And I especially want to thank you for those notes of encouragement while I was in rehab. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to have someone say, “Atta Girl”.

She really does! How amazing!

Tinsworthy’s here? Now?

Who’s Tinsworthy?

Crap!

Crap.

Crap!

CRAP!!

Well, sir ... my two colleagues, Doralee Rhodes and Judy Bernly and I thought it was time to make some changes in the office.

We thought with some new ideas —job sharing, flexible hours, day care—we could improve the quality of life here at Consolidated.

HOSTAGE!

No!

... tied him up like a little pig at the state fair ...

... strung him up with a garage door opener ...

I was making more copies of the annual report and the Xerox machine went crazy!!!!

I'll take care of it.