Christopher Act II

SIOBHAN. I was wondering if you’d like to make a play out of your book

No.

MRS.GASCOYNE. I think it could be really good fun.

No. Its a book and its for me and not everybody just for me.

SIOBHAN. if people took your book and started acting bit out of it

No. I don’t like acting because it is pretending that something is real when it is not really real at all so it is like a kind of lie

SIOBHAN. You like your Sherlock Holmes stories and you know shelock holmes isn’t a real person don’t you. I would help you if you were worried about that

No.

REV PETERS. I think I’d rather like to take the part of a policeman

You’re too old to be a policeman.

MRS.ALEXANDER. Christopher, what on earth has happened to you?

Can you look after Toby for me?

MRS.ALEXANDER. Oh…

He eats special pellets and you can buy them from a pet shop. And he needs fresh water every day, too.

MRS.ALEXANDER. Why do you need somebody to look after Toby, Christopher?

I’m going to live with mother

MRS.ALEXANDER.I thought you told me your mother was dead

I thought she was dead but she was still alive. And father lied to me. And also he killed Wellington.

MRS.ALEXANDER. Is your mother here?

No. Mother is in London.

MRS.ALEXANDER. So you’re going to London on your own?

I think I am going to do that yes.

MRS.ALEXANDER.Where’s your father at the moment Christopher?

I don’t know

VOICE SIX. 3558

3558

ME. 3558 scene change

Where can I buy a map?

LADY IN STREET. A map of where?

I don’t know

LADY IN STREET. Where do you want to get to?

I’m going to the train station

LADY IN STREET. You don’t need a map to get to the station, you can see it from here

No I can’t.

LADY IN STREET. The stations at the bottom of that

Do you mean the stripy building with the horizontal windows that you can see poking out over those houses?

LADY IN STREET. That’s the one

How do I get to that building?

LADY IN STREET. OK, we’re done here.

I knew that the train station was somewhere near. And if something is nearby you can find it by moving in a spiral, walking clockwise and taking every right turn until you come back to a road you’ve already walked on, then taking the And that was how I found the station.

STATION POLICEMAN. Are you all right. young man.

You’re too old

STATION POLICEMAN. Are you alright. Young man?

No.

STATION POLICEMAN. What’s your name?

Christopher Boone

STATION POLICEMAN. Where do you live?

36 Randolph street

STATION POLICEMAN. What are you doing here?

I needed to sit down and be quiet and think.

STATION POLICEMAN. OK lets keep It simple. What are you doing at the railway station

Im going to see mother

STATION POLICEMAN. Mother?

Yes, Mother

STATION POLICEMAN. whens your train

I don’t know. She lives in london. I don’t know when there’s a train to london

STATION POLICEMAN. So, you don’t live with your mother

No. but I’m going to.

STATION POLICEMAN. So where does your mother live?

In London

STATION POLICEMAN. Yes, but where in London?

451c Chapter road, London NW2 5NG

STATION POLICEMAN. What is that?

Thats Toby, my pet rat.

STATION POLICEMAN. A pet rat?

Yes a pet rat. He’s very clean and he hasnt got bubonic plague

STATION POLICEMAN. Well that’s very reassuring

yes

STATION POLICEMAN. Have you got a ticket?

No.

So how precisely were you going to get to London then?

I have a bank card.

STATION POLICEMAN. Is this your card?

No its Fathers.

STATION POLICEMAN. Fathers?

Yes, Father’s

STATION POLICEMAN. OK

He told me the number. It’s 3558.

STATION POLICEMAN. Why don’t you and I take a stroll to the cash machine, eh?

You mustn’t touch me.

STATION POLICEMAN. Why would I want to touch you?

I don’t know

STATION POLICEMAN. Well, neither do I

Because I got a caution for hitting a policeman but I didn’t mean to hurt him and if I do it again it’ll be a lot worse because of the caution.

STATION POLICEMAN. You’re serious aren’t you?

Yes.

STATION POLICEMAN. you lead the way

Where?

VOICE ONE. 100 pounds

How much does it cost to get a ticket to London?

VOICE ONE. Please wait. Your transaction is being Processed.

Is that pounds?

VOICE ONE. Please take your card and wait for your cash.

Where do I get a ticket for the train from?

STATION POLICEMAN. In there.

I want to go to London

MAN BEHIND COUNTER. If you don’t mind.

I want to go to london

MAN BEHIND COUNTER. Single or return?

What does single or return mean?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER. Do you want to go one way or do you want to come back

I want to stay there when I get there.

MAN BEHIND COUNTER. For how long

Until I go to University

MAN BEHIND COUNTER. Single then. Thatll be 17 pounds

When is the train to london?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER. Platform 1, 5 minutes

Where is platform 1

SIOBHAN. Like when you’re doing music or when you’re doing music or when you’re doing drumming. Left right left right left right.

Left right ,left right . left right. Is this the train to London?

STATION POLICEMAN. me and your dad can sit down and have a little chat about who’s going where

Have you arrested father?

STATION POLICEMAN. Arrested him? What for?

He killed a dog. With a garden fork. The dog was called Wellington.

STATION POLICEMAN. Now listen, you little monkey

What are you doing? Have we started? Has the train started?

STATION POLICEMAN. Park yourself. You are a bloody handful, you are jeez.

I see everything. Most other people are lazy. They never look at everything. They do what is called glancing, which is the same word for bumping off something and carrying on in almost the same direction. And the information in their head is really simple. For example, if they are on a train looking out of a window at the countryside it might be, 1

VOICE TWO. There are some crows in the field

2

VOICE THREE. It is sunny with a few clouds

3

VOICE FOUR. There are some flowers in the grass

4

VOICE FIVE. There is a village in the instance

And then they would stop noticing anything because they would be thinking something else like

VOICE TWO; I wonder if julie has given birth yet

Or

VOICE ONE. Im worried that I might have left the oven on

Or

VOICE FOUR. I really want a bag of cheesy Doritos

But if I am sitting looking out of the window on a train onto the countryside I notice everything. Like

1. There are 19 cows in the field. 15 of which are black and white and 4 of which are brown and white

2. There are 3 different visible nimbostratus clouds

3. There is a village in the distance, which has 31, no 32 visible houses. There is a plastic bag in the hedge , no 2 and a squashed coca-cola can with a snail on it

I can see 3/4/5/6/5 different types of grass

the cows are

I can see 3 no 4 different

There is wind blowing from a

There is a

There is a coca-cola

there is the snail

the snail

the cows

the cows

are facing

STATION POLICEMAN. You’re wetting yourself. go to the bloody toilet, will you?

But I’m on a train

STATION POLICEMAN. They do have toilets on trains, you know.

Where is the toilet on the train?

STATION POLICEMAN. Through those doors there. But I’ll be keeping an eye on you, you understand?

No.

STATION POLICEMAN. Just go to the bloody toilet

potty time!

2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23 , 29 , 31 , 37 , 41 , 43 ,47 , 53 , 59 , 61 , 67 , 71 , 73 , 79 , 83 , 89 , 97 , 101 , 103 , 107 , 109 , 113 , 127 , 131 , 137 , 139 , 149 , 151 , 163 , 167 , 173 , 179 , 181 , 191 , 193 , 197 , 199 , 211 , 223 , 227 , 229 , 233 , 239 , 241 , 251 , 257 , 263 , 269 , 271 , 277 , 281.

WOMAN ON TRAIN. you scared me, Can I just get my bag? I think someones out there looking for you

I know.

POSH WOMAN. You’re touching my bag.

yes

VOICE FIVE. Coming. I’m coming, all right. Wait or me in the car park, then

I waited for 9 more minutes but nobody else came past and the train was really quiet and I didn’t move again so I realized that the train had stopped. And I knew that the last stop on the train was London.

SIOBHAN. Left right , left right, left right

Left right , left right, left right, Left right , left right, left right, Left right , left right, left right ,Left right , left right, left.

STATION GAURD. You look lost. Woah, woah , woah , woah

Left right left right left right left right

Is this London

Is this London

INFORMATION. Indeed it is.

How do I get to 451c Chapter Road, London NW2 5NG

INFORMATION. Where is that

Its 451c Chapter road, London NW2 5NG. And sometimes you can write it 451c Chapter road , Willesden, London NW2 5NG

INFORMATION. Take the Tube to Willesden Junction. Or Willesden Green. Got to be near there somewhere

What is the tube?

ED. Christopher. Don’t Do this

Get away from me

ED. Christopher you wont be able to

I’m doing really well.

ED. Where’s your Swiss Army knife. Have you lost it?

Its in my pocket.

ED. You don’t even know what an escalator is, do you?

It’s a moving staircase. you step onto it. It carries you down. Its funny. Look.

ED. Stop laughing

It’s like something out of science fiction.

ED. Im worried about you

You’re lying. you killed Wellington.

ED. Where are you going?

To watch the people. It’s easy look. You go to the black machine. You look at where you want to go. You put your money in.

ED. You haven’t got any money

I have. I stole your card.

ED. You little shit

You go up to the grey gate. you put your ticket in the slot.

ED. There’s no Jubilee line. How are you going to get to willesden green?

Theres a bakerloo Line. Look. I can take that to Willesden Junction.

ED. Come back home.

Swindons not my home anymore. My home is 451c Chapter road, London NW2 5NG

ED. Stand behind the yellow line

I know

ED. The train will be very noisy

I know

ED. It’ll really scare you.

I know

ED. Watch how they get on and off.

yes

ED. count the trains. Figure it out. Get the rhythm right.

Train coming. Train stopped. Doors open. Train going. silence x2

train coming, train stopped…

door open. train going. silence

train coming. train stopped, doors open. train going. silence.

train coming. train stopped, doors open. train going. silence.

train coming. train stopped, doors open. train going. silence.

train coming. train stopped, doors open…

Christopher looks in cage

Toby?

Toby?

Where are you?

Toby, Toby, what are you doing down there? Toby, get back up her this instant. I’m warning you.

Right I’m coming down there, Toby and when I catch you, I’m going to be very cross.

MAN WITH SOCKS. Oi, what are you doing??

My rat is on here.

MAN WITH SOCKS. Get out of there for goodness’ sake

Toby, its filthy down here. you’ll get so dirty.

MAN WITH SOCKS. Mate please, please get back up here

I cant get back up there. My rat is on here.

MAN WITH SOCKS. I can see he’s a kid by bloody well looking at him. Mate. please come on.

Toby stop being so difficult.

MAN WITH SOCKS. I don’t believe this is happening. This is ridiculous, mate get your arse out of there now.

Dont panic I found him.