PSYC1100 Core

Linear model

One-way: sender sends a message through a channel to a receiver; noise can mess it up (good for emails)

Interactional model

Back and forth, like tennis: people take turns sending and receiving

Transactional model (Barnlund 1970)

People send and receive at the same time and build shared meaning

Westley & MacLean's model

Adds that the channel can change the message (gatekeeper), and people's traits and surroundings shape it

Dance's Helical Spiral

Communication grows more complex over time, like a spiral; more a metaphor, hard to test

Berlo's 4 parts of communication

Sender, message, channel, receiver

Noise (communication)

Anything that messes up a message (e.g. laggy internet)

Goleman's 5 parts of emotional intelligence

Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, social skills ("Smart Students Make Every Sense")

Mayer, Salovey & Caruso: 4 branches of EI

Perceiving, assimilating, understanding, managing emotion

Griffith group-work study (EI)

High-EI students were rated better communicators, and better communicators felt their team was more cohesive

Criticisms of emotional intelligence (Roberts et al.)

Parts don't always link; after personality, EI only weakly predicts life satisfaction

Riggio's 7 social skills

Emotional expressivity, emotional sensitivity, emotional control, social expressivity, social sensitivity, social control, social manipulation

Emotional expressivity

Showing your feelings clearly

Emotional sensitivity

Reading others' body language

Emotional control

Choosing what emotion to show

Social expressivity

Being good with words and getting people talking

Social sensitivity

Knowing what people mean and what's appropriate

Social control

Presenting yourself well in social situations

Social manipulation

Using social skills to reach a goal (selfish or kind)

Which social skills predicted being liked?

Emotional + social expressivity, even after controlling for looks

Can social skills be trained?

Yes

Good email to a lecturer

Clear subject, proper greeting, polite opener, context, specific question, respectful tone, name + student number

Brownell (2010)

Communication is listener-defined: a message means what the receiver thinks it means

4 barriers to listening

Preoccupation, prejudgment, reactivity, lack of motivation ("Please Pass Rice Later")

Preoccupation

Thinking about your own stuff so you drift off

Prejudgment

Assuming you know what they'll say

Reactivity

Reacting to the emotion, not the actual words

Biggest predictor of good listening (after IQ)

Motivation

6 non-listening behaviours

Pseudolistening, monopolising, selective, defensive, ambushing, literal ("Pretty Monkeys Sometimes Dance At Lunch")

Pseudolistening

Pretending to listen

Monopolising

Making the conversation all about you

Selective listening

Only hearing the bits you want

Defensive listening

Hearing attacks that aren't there

Ambushing

Listening only to find weak spots to attack

Literal listening

Hearing the words but missing the emotion

Projection bias

Assuming others feel what you feel

Kenny & Acitelli (2001)

Partners assume the other feels the same about the relationship

Hockey & Barlow (body image)

Women unhappy with their body assumed their partner was too; both became less happy

Self-fulfilling prophecy

Believing something makes it come true through how you act

3 ways to show you're listening

Affirmatives ("OK", "yep"), paraphrasing, active listening

Weger et al. (2010)

Paraphrasing made people like the listener more

Active listening

Paraphrasing + asking questions + nodding; best for making people feel understood

5 conversational skills

Rewarding/reinforcing, questioning, reflecting, self-disclosure, explaining ("Real Questions Really Show Effort")

Rewarding and reinforcing

Praising and encouraging (nodding, "keep going"); popular kids do this

Fake praise leads to

Suspicion and being liked less

Open vs closed questions

Open = lets people talk (get more info); closed = one short answer

After asking a question

Pause, don't rush to fill the silence

Reflecting

Repeating back what someone said; helps therapy clients gain insight and feel less anxious

Self-disclosure

Sharing about yourself; people who share more are liked more (but not too much with strangers or online)

Explaining

Telling people clearly what you think and need (no one can read your mind)

Norm of reciprocity (Gouldner 1960)

We feel we must give back what we get

Descriptive vs injunctive norms

Descriptive = what people DO; injunctive = what people SHOULD do

Molm: spontaneous vs negotiated reciprocity

Spontaneous (unplanned) builds more trust and liking than a deal

Negative norm of reciprocity

Returning harm with harm

Conflict spiral

A small fight gets worse because each person hits back harder

Youngs' points game

When threatened or punished, people threatened and punished back even more

Paleari et al. (120 couples)

If one partner attacked or avoided, the other did too; led to unhappy couples

Roommates/friends study (256 pairs)

Collaboration got collaboration back; competition and avoidance got copied too

Big lesson: reciprocity in conflict

You set the tone; stay calm and they're more likely to stay calm

Alberts (1989)

53 couples; people forget criticising others but remember being criticised

4 ways to dodge criticism

Justify, deny, counter-complain, pass ("Just Don't Cop the Point")

Justify

Make excuses

Deny

"I didn't do that"

Counter-complain

"Well, YOU always..."

Pass

Ignore it

Most common ways to dodge criticism

Justifying and denying

Agreeing with criticism

Admitting it's fair, saying sorry or planning to change; only 1 in 5 times but the most wanted reply

Happy couples and criticism

They agree more when criticised

Criticism can cause

Guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, social anxiety

First question before criticising

Is it needed, or is it just my mood?

"I" vs "you" statements

"I'm not feeling heard" is better than "You never listen"

Teen study ("I" statements)

"I" statements caused less anger and defiance

Simmons et al. (couples)

"You" talk = more fights; "we" talk = better problem solving; "I" users happier

Perth study (2018)

"I" statements + both people's views = least defensive

Best criticism formula

"I understand [your side], but I feel [my side], and I think [the request]"

Face

Your pride, dignity and respect in front of others

Positive face

Wanting to be liked and respected

Negative face

Not wanting to look bad or have your choices limited

Relationship face

Wanting the relationship to stay strong

Cupach & Carson (2002)

199 students; criticism threatening face led to anger, embarrassment and relationship damage

Relational vs behavioural vs dispositional complaints

About the relationship vs something done vs who someone IS

Which complaint hurts most?

Dispositional (attacking who someone is)

7 tips for good criticism

"I" statements, both views, behaviour not person, private, fair, calm, clear

Markus & Kitayama (1991)

Western = independent self (separate, direct); many non-Western = interdependent self (connected, harmony)

Collectivist

The group comes first

Chen et al. (2009)

Chinese accepted unfair deals from friends but not strangers; Americans rejected both

Takeuchi et al. (2001)

Japanese students hid unhappiness from teachers (hierarchy, power distance); Americans spoke up

Power distance

The gap between high and low rank

Knutson et al. (2003)

Thai higher on rhetorical reflection (avoid conflict); Americans higher on noble self (say it directly)

Whose face do cultures protect?

Interdependent (China, Japan) protect others' and mutual face; independent (US, Germany) protect own face

Lin's video: strict parents

They rarely SAY they're proud, but show it in quiet ways

Hess (1965)

Pupils get bigger when you see something you like (or something shocking)

Pupils copy pupils

Seeing big pupils makes yours bigger too

Hess: men's choice

Men rated women with big pupils as more attractive, happy and friendly

Kret & De Dreu (2019)

People trusted partners with growing pupils more and gave them more money

Do chimps copy pupils?

Yes (Kret et al. 2014)

William James: 4 postures

Approach (lean in = interested), withdrawal (lean away = dislike), expansion (chest out = proud), contraction (shrink = sad)

Which body parts matter most for posture?

Head and trunk (chest)

Machotka

Crossed arms = seen as cold and shy

Mehrabian

We lean or turn away from people we dislike