COMM1000 M7: Communication in Relationships

Human attraction

Human attraction = force that brings people together

• Friendships, work dynamics, romantic attraction, social attraction, task attraction

What are the 5 forces of attraction?

• Appearance

• Proximity = same jobs, classes,

• Similarity = reduces uncertainty, easier to bond

• Complementarity = people who fit together well

• Reciprocity = do you try to interact with someone who is interested in you?

What are 4 components of close relationships?

Close relationships = relationships with intimacy or significant closeness

• Commitment = you will help them, they will help you

• Interdependence = increased closeness → greater dependence on e/o

• Continuous investment = continued effort put into relationship

• Tensions = dialectical tensions = conflicting needs as a person

  • Independence

  • Change vs. predictability

What are 6 components of communicating in relationships?

• Content & Relational Message Dimensions

  • Content = what is being said

  • Relational Message Dimensions = understand partner’s communication style and what it means to relationship

• Confirming vs. Disconfirming messages

  • Perception check to see if they’re fully invested

  • Confirming → “We are going to figure out”

  • Disconfirming → “I have to do what’s best for me”

• Supportive vs. Defensive Communication

  • Supportive = ways we can be kind + supportive

  • Defensive = ways to defend themselves

• Handling Issues of Privacy

  • Some couples = open books

  • Other couples = more secretive, private

• Emotional Communication

  • Feelings intertwined with close relationships

• Instrumental Communication

  • task-focused interaction to “get things done”

What is attachment theory? What are the 3 different attachment styles?

Attachment theory = care @ an early age can impact our relational behaviors later in our lives

• Secure = 70% of children, positive model of themselves & others

  • Caregiver signals that they care about child

• Avoidant = 20% of children, negative model of others

  • Caregiver overstimulated or understimulated child

    • Helicopter parent

    • Neglect

• Anxious-ambivalent = 10% of children, negative model of themselves

  • Caregivers inconsistent, preoccupied, or stressed

    • Working 2 jobs

    • Mental health issues

    • Substance abuse issues

What is attachment in adults?

Attachment styles cannot change over time: (True/False)

Secure adults → warm relationships

• Easy to get to know

• Good relationships w/ parents

Avoidant adults → closeness = uncomfortable

• Afraid of intimacy

• Hard to depend on others

• Romantic partners = not worth it (eventually leave)

Anxious-ambivalent adults → yearn for close relationships

• Afraid of abandonment and being unloved

• Cyclical process of hoping they never leave

FALSE → Attachment styles can change & often do

Relationship development

Relationships move through stages/phases

What is Knapp and Vangelisti’s stages of relational development?

5 Steps to commitment

• Initiating = introduction, first conversation

• Experimenting = spending time together, exchanging numbers = attempt towards relationship

• Intensifying = endorphins, dopamine, feeling rush, spending more time together

  • Applies to people around them as well

• Integrating = outwardly signal commitment = begin acting like a couple

  • Places for people to stay

  • Let other borrow keys

• Bonding = pinnacle of love, long-term close connection

  • Marriage

5 steps to termination

• Differentiating = taking time away from partner

  • Normal in healthy relationships

  • Can progress

• Circumscribing = avoiding conversations for fear of worsening relationships

• Stagnating = relationship feels it’s staying the same, does not see the purpose of relationship

• Avoiding = do things to avoid interacting with them to reduce anxiety

  • Admitting relationship is harder to have

• Terminating = ending relationship

Do NOT need to hit every step; Do NOT need to go to top

Social exchange theory

Social exchange theory = people tend to try to maintain relationship when benefits outweigh the cost

• Comparison level = baseline expectations for relationships

• Comparison alternative = picturing life w/ another person

  • If comparison alternative is better than current person → many make the jump

What are 6 styles of love?

• Eros = passionate love

• Ludus = game-playing love

• Storge = friendship-based love

• Pragma = practical love

• Mania = possessive, dependent love

• Agape = selfless, all-giving love

What is relational maintenance?

What are 5 behaviors?

Relational maintenance = effort put into relationship

• Positivity

• Openness

• Assurances

• Social Networks

• Sharing Tasks

What is the proposed number of positive interactions for every negative interaction? (ratio)

5 positive: 1 negative

What are 5 relationship termination strategies?

• Negative identify management: intentional sabotage

• De-escalation: “Let’ just be friends”

• Justification: Rationalizing the end

• Positive-tone strategies: “You deserve better”

• Behavioral de-escalation: Avoiding your partner

What are 3 friendship/casual termination strategies?

• Withdrawal/avoidance: Ghosting

• Machiavellian tactics: Using others to end it

• Openness: Coming right out with it