SPE 202 Exam #2

Dialectical Tension: openness verus closeness

honesty, candor, and authenticity, and on the other hand, there’s privacy, discretion, and restraint

Gottman's predictors of divorce

What's direct vs. indirect and escalation vs. negotiation

Direct escalation: accusations, hostile commands, threats, rude or saracastic putdowns

Indirection escalation: condescension, whinning, evasion

Direct negotiation: offering compromises, active listening, approval and affection

Indirect negotiations: laughing together about a minor understanding to reduce tension

4 instigating events

4 negotiation styles

4 conflict couples

Conflict Management

Gottman's don'ts for conflict (the 3)

Behavior description & "I" statement

Failed Repair Attempts

XYZ Statement

Active listening (perception checking/paraphrasing)

Speaker-Listener Technique

Antidotes to the four horsemen

Dialectical tension: stability vs novelty

we relish both novelty and excitement , and famility and constancy

Dialectical Tension: personal autonomy and close connection to others

Do you pursue intimacy or freedom? independence or belonging

Criticism

event that causes conflict

• is behavior that seems unjustly critical, being perceived as demeaning or derogatory

Illegitimate demands

causes conflict

• are requests that are excessive and seem unjust

Rebuffs

something that cause conflict

• occur when one’s appeals for help or support are rejected

Cummulative annoyances

something that causes conflict

• are relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition

Escalation

competitive and destructive

seeks to win, punish, or amplify hostility

“ I win, you loose”

self orientated

Negotiation

cooperative and goal oriented

objective is to find a workable arrangement or compromise