Biblical Reconciliation and Counseling Framework

Vocabulary flashcards covering Reformed theological principles, Jay Adams' nouthetic counseling framework, and biblical definitions of repentance, forgiveness, trust, and family covenant order.

Unconditional Love

A saving love that is not caused or earned by anything good, attractive, or obedient in humanity, while remaining distinct from the approval of sin and conditional covenant blessings.

Unmerited Love

A foundational aspect of God's love demonstrating that it does not originate in human righteousness, beauty, or obedience.

Holy Love

The biblical dimension of God's love that confronts, disciplines, and transforms sinners rather than affirming or tolerating sin.

Obedience (in John 14:15)

The natural fruit and evidence of loving Christ, rather than the purchase price or condition required to earn His love.

Genesis 2:24 Principle ("Leave and Cleave")

The biblical ordinance establishing that a husband's primary covenant obligation is to lead and protect his wife, superseding his allegiance and obedience to his parents.

Metanoia

True biblical repentance (echoing 2 Corinthians 7:10) that fully accepts accountability, rejects blame-shifting, and yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.

Seventh Commandment Violation

In this context, the active rebellion against God's law regarding marriage displayed by parents encouraging the dissolution of a holy marriage covenant and endorsing an affair.

The "No-But" and "No-Blaming" Rule

Jay Adams' counseling rule of engagement banning blame-shifting, where participants are prohibited from using the word "but" or raising another person's actions to explain or excuse their own sin.

"Put-Off / Put-On" Dynamic

A biblical counseling framework drawn from Ephesians 4:22–24 requiring the conscious deconstruction and cessation of sinful behaviors ("put-off") followed by the concrete practice of righteous habits ("put-on").

Forgiveness (Adams Model)

A formal covenantal promise—not an emotion—granted immediately upon genuine confession, committing not to dwell on, bring up, gossip about, or allow the sin to hinder renewal.

The 4 Promises of Forgiveness

Jay Adams' model of four relational commitments made upon granting forgiveness: not dwelling on the sin, not bringing it up again to use against the offender, not talking to others about it, and not letting it hinder renewal.

Individual Covenant Accountability

The Reformed doctrine grounded in Ezekiel 18:20 and James 1:14 establishing that each individual is entirely responsible for their own sin and speech, meaning no external person can force another to sin.

True Repentance (Westminster Confession of Faith, Chapter 15)

An inward spiritual turning marked by an authentic sight and sense of the filthiness and odiousness of one's own sin, resulting in godly sorrow and genuine hatred of it.

Returning "in Pretense" (Jeremiah 3:10)

Counterfeit, cosmetic repentance motivated by the desire to escape negative consequences or emotional discomfort rather than whole-hearted grief over offending God.

Adult "Honor" (Fifth Commandment)

Respecting the God-given office and authority of parents under the lordship of Christ, which shifts away from childhood obedience and may include godly rebuke and protective boundaries.

Acts 5:29 Boundary

The Reformed principle from the Westminster Larger Catechism establishing that obedience to parents is limited to being "in the Lord," mandating disobedience if parents demand sin or covenant destruction.

Attrition

Superficial regret or sorrow focused solely on the painful consequences, awkwardness, or personal isolation caused by sin rather than its moral offense against God.

Contrition

Godly sorrow and deep inward grief over the odiousness, spiritual gravity, and violation of God's holiness inherent in the sin itself.

"Sight of Sin" (Thomas Watson)

A prerequisite component of true repentance identified in The Doctrine of Repentance where a person fully recognizes the real weight, wreckage, and offense of their sin without minimizing it.

Broken Spirit (Watson and Henry)

A quiet heart that abandons entitlement and complaints of being punished, willingly submitting to God's terms and the incremental timeline required to rebuild trust.

Covenant Love

hesed—steadfast, loyal, faithful love within a covenant relationship. Deuteronomy 7:7–9, for example, grounds Israel’s election not in their size, righteousness, or merit, but in God’s love and His faithfulness to the covenant sworn to the fathers.

Covenant Love Principles

• God initiates. He sets His love upon His people before they love or obey Him (Deut. 7:7–8; 1 John 4:10, 19).

• God binds Himself by promise. His love is not a vague sentiment but faithful commitment—“I will be your God, and you shall be my people.

• God’s love is particular in its saving form. Christ “loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25), language of a husband’s covenantal, self-giving love.

• God’s love produces a responsive life. The covenant includes commands, faith, repentance, and obedience; these are covenant obligations and evidences, not conditions by which sinners earn God’s initiating favor.