UNC BUSI 500 Connect Book Study Guide

Elena and Sanjay

Work colleagues/friends; self-disclosure, feedback, and boundaries

Ben and Liam

Friends; encouraging vulnerability without being intrusive

Maddie and Adam

Married couple; influence imbalance and household responsibilities

Phil and Rachel

Father and daughter; changing long-standing behaviors and emotional openness

Mia and Aniyah

Longtime friends/former college roommates; emotional suppression, conflict, and repair

David and Carole

Authors and professional colleagues; their own relationship nearly collapsing and being repaired

Steven

Elena's coworker who repeats her ideas

Heather

Member of Elena and Sanjay's team

Eric

Elena's husband

Priya

Sanjay's wife

Roland

Sanjay's college friend and potential business partner

Randy

Liam's coworker who takes credit for his work

Jake

Mia's husband

Christopher

Aniyah's husband

Tyler

Man Mia considers having an affair with

Drew

Adam's friend who challenges his perspective

The Winnikers

Friends whose family arrangement involves Janie's mother living with them

Self-disclosure

Revealing personal information, thoughts, and emotions to another person

Vulnerability

Taking the emotional risk of allowing someone to know your authentic self

15 Percent Rule

Stretching approximately 15% beyond your comfort zone to encourage growth

Zone of Comfort

What feels completely safe to disclose or do

Zone of Learning

The area of uncertainty where growth and learning occur

Zone of Danger

The area where disclosure or behavior carries substantial risk

Cognitions

Thoughts that describe what is happening

Emotions

Feelings that communicate the personal significance of an experience

Pinch

A minor interpersonal irritation that should be addressed early

Crunch

A more significant conflict that develops when pinches accumulate

Confirmation bias

Paying greater attention to evidence that supports existing beliefs

Feedback

Information about how your behavior affects another person

Staying on your side of the net

Communicating your own experience rather than assuming another person's intentions

Interpersonal cycle

The process through which one person's behavior affects another's reactions and reinforces behavior

Influence imbalance

A situation in which one person has substantially more power or influence

Meta-level discussion

Discussing why communication itself is not working

Second-order emotion

A secondary emotion, such as anger, that can conceal more vulnerable underlying feelings

D × V × F

Dissatisfaction × Vision × First Steps; a framework for encouraging change

Appropriate responsibility

Recognizing both your own choices and the influence others have on you

Boundaries

Limits that establish what you can reasonably provide or accept in a relationship

Entangled issues

Multiple interconnected problems that make a conflict difficult to resolve

Golden handcuffs

Financial or career incentives that make leaving a job difficult

Repair

Rebuilding a relationship after conflict or damage

Facts versus feelings

"I had a difficult day" communicates less than naming feelings like overwhelm or anxiety

Intentions versus impact

Good intentions can still negatively affect another person; feedback focuses on behavioral impact

Responsibility versus blame

Acknowledge your contribution without accepting responsibility for everything

Support versus agreement

Supporting a friend does not mean endorsing every decision; Aniyah and Mia illustrate this