Monologue for Acting 1

(start)

My name is Samantha and I’ve got the kind of borderline narcissistic

personality disorder you need for your latest reality show.

My name is Samantha and I’ve got the kind of borderline narcissistic

personality disorder you need for your latest reality show.

I don’t care what it is: Ice Road Truckers, Giant Fisherman People, Wife Swap, The Real World – I will do them all.

I don’t care what it is: Ice Road Truckers, Giant Fisherman People, Wife Swap, The Real World – I will do them all.

What about Hoarders?

What about Hoarders?

I could do Hoarders.

I could do Hoarders.

Give me a week and I will adopt twenty-five cats and raid every garage sale in a ten mile radius.

Give me a week and I will adopt twenty-five cats and raid every garage sale in a ten mile radius.

I am unhinged, I am desperate, and I am so so watchable.

I am unhinged, I am desperate, and I am so so watchable.

Check me out.

Check me out.

This is me having an argument with my boyfriend.

This is me having an argument with my boyfriend.

I don’t even have a boyfriend by the way but I swear on all that is holy I will find a boy so shallow that he doesn’t even shower, he just dips himself into a cloud of axe body spray and hair gel and emerges from a tanning bed with perfect abs and an unhealthy sexist attitude.

I don’t even have a boyfriend by the way but I swear on all that is holy I will find a boy so shallow that he doesn’t even shower, he just dips himself into a cloud of axe body spray and hair gel and emerges from a tanning bed with perfect abs and an unhealthy sexist attitude.

But here it is:

But here it is:

What are you doing you bleep bleep what bleep you I will eat your heart!

What are you doing you bleep bleep what bleep you I will eat your heart!

Oh yeah why don’t you come here and make me!

Oh yeah why don’t you come here and make me!

Yeah that’s right you heard me!

Yeah that’s right you heard me!

Here’s where I attack a random stranger and try to pull out her hair extensions.

Here’s where I attack a random stranger and try to pull out her hair extensions.

Don’t you look at my man!

Don’t you look at my man!

You bleep bleep bleep I will eat your heart my man loves me I bleep bleep you come here again I’ll kill you!

You bleep bleep bleep I will eat your heart my man loves me I bleep bleep you come here again I’ll kill you!

See that?

See that?

I will be on the cover of every tabloid in existence.

I will be on the cover of every tabloid in existence.

I can also get pregnant if you want.