HDA Uh-Oh, Sarah's Lines

Start of scene

Bill—

Yeah?

Nothing.

Bill?

Yeah?

Nothing.

You sure?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Bill?

Honey, what?!?!

Nothing.

Well, I’m watching something here. Let me watch. Shhh!

Bill!

Honey, what?

Just… I love you!

Marriage can be hard. Especially after you’ve been married awhile.

Sarah and Bill are married, but Sarah feels that there’s something missing.

Bill’s too busy watching shows on his tablet to even notice.

Sarah decides to do something drastic to bring their marriage to life.

Uh-Oh

By John Cariani

Well, I love you too! What’s going on?

Nothing!

Are you okay?

Yeah! Yeah! I just…

What?

Well, just—can I ask you something.

Yeah.

How long does it feel like we’ve been married?

What? How long does it //

// feel like we’ve been married—yeah—to you, yeah.

Um, well, about a year and a half, because //

// that’s how long it feels like we’ve been married, to you, about a year and a half?

Um… yeah, because that’s how long we’ve been married. Best year and a half of my life.

Aw.

Why do //

// Wow! Only one little year! And half of another one, huh?

Yeah. Does it feel… longer to you or something?

What?! No! Wait…uh-oh. Yeah—it does—maybe. A little.

What do you mean?

Well, Bill… I’m bored.

Oh.

Yeah. I mean—it’s a Friday night, and look at us. We’re just sitting here. You’re watching something, I’m reading something.

I thought we liked reading. And watching stuff.

Well—we do, but I’m bored, and being bored at this stage of the game—I mean, a year and a half in—is not what I hoped and dreamed, honestly.

Okay. Okay, okay. Honey, I think I might know what this is. You’re just—I think—you know what? This is just what happens.

Huh?

Yeah—I was just reading about this somewhere—there was a big study done recently about how the first year, year and a half of marriage—”the honeymoon phase” they call it—romance and passion can fade a little, and when that happens, couples just have to work a little harder to figure out how to rekindle whatever it is they’ve lost, and the best way to do that—the study said—is for them to try and find the fun again. And maybe we just need to find the fun again.

Oh! Yeah! Maybe we do!

So let’s find it!

Huh?

Let’s find the fun again! Right now! You first! Find the fun! Go!

Well, honey, you know what? I don’t really feel like we’ve lost the fun actually—

Well I do.

Well… can we find it tomorrow? I’ve had a long week, and I just wanna //

// I don’t think I can wait that long.

Okay //

// Yeah, I need to find the fun now.

Okay //

// ‘Cause, see, I was just reading something, too, but it was an article that was written about a study that was done by… experts… on… people who just can’t. Be. Bored.

Oh?

Yeah. It’s about how there are people in this world who just can’t help themselves but take extreme action when // they get bored, and—

// Wait, “extreme action”?

Yeah.

Like what? Like skydive, bungee jump, bullfight?—

No, like kill.

What?

Kill.

What?

In the cases cited in the article, kill the people they love most.

What?! No!

They call it—argh—I can’t remember what it’s called, but there are people who have this [psychological] thing // and—

// Well, people like who?

Well, like people in prison.

Really?

Yeah, well it’s a [psychological] thing, and well—I was just thinking, what if I was one of those people? What if when I got bored, I killed? I killed you? What would you do?

Um—

Would you stay with me?

I—I…

Yeah. It’s a tough one. ‘Cause if you stayed, I’d probably kill you, cause I’m bored. But if you left, you’d be a promise breaker, because we are married, and you did promise to stay with me in good times and in bad, for better or for worse, and in sickness and in health, and—if you left me, you’d be breaking a vow. That’s a tough one. You’d kinda end up losing either way. What would you do?

Um… well… I’d like to think that… A) that something like this would never happen, and B) that… I’d stay. Because I love you. And because we’d be dealing with mental illness. And you’d need my help in dealing with that, so yeah. I’d stay. Help you… not be bored.

Really?

Yeah. I can’t imagine my life without you so //

// Aw, that’s really sweet of you.

What? Honey! What are you doing?

Bill, I think I’m one of those people who kills the people they love most when they’re bored, and I never-ever-ever-ever-ever thought I’d get bored with you, with us, but I did, uh-oh.

What?!?! You’re—one of those people?

Yeah.

Well, how do you know?

I took a test. They had one of those tests, “could you kill? a personality test” at the end of the article. And I did really well on it. Or—poorly. I have all the symptoms. And it said that I. Could. Kill.

Oh.

Yeah. How ‘bout that, huh?

How ‘bout that, Sarah…

Oh, no no no. Don’t you go, Bill. You’re not going, are you? You said you wouldn’t. You just said you’d stay with me. And help me get better //

// Yeah, when this was all hypothetical! Oh. Sarah. I love you, Sarah. Sarah, please…

BAM! Bam bam bam bam bam bam!

HAHA! I got you so bad! It’s not real! It’s a squirt gun! Oh my God, your face! You thought I was gonna kill you!?!? I’m not gonna kill you! I’m your WIFE! I love you! I’m not gonna kill you!

Sarah!!!!

Oh Bill! I was just playing! I made the whole thing up. There’s no such study! No… test! People who kill the people they love most when they’re bored?! People don’t do things like that! And if they do—well, they’re crazy! And I’m not crazy! I would never do something like that!

I’m sorry! I was just trying to wake us up, shake things up, to help us find the fun again.

Yeah, well that wasn’t really very fun for me.

Oh come on! I was just playing // silly goose.

// Sarah, do I… bore you?

No!

// And is our life… not what you hoped and dreamed?

Well, not exactly—but it’s okay!

Whoah—

I’ve learned to adjust my expectations.

What?!?!

I mean—

You shouldn’t have to do that! I haven’t had to do that! You’ve fulfilled my expectations! Exceeded them, even, and I want to fulfill yours! Exceed them even!

All right. Then do it. Fulfill, exceed, right now, go.

Well, I don’t… feel like I know how to do that right now.

Bill, how ‘bout just… try.

Okay.

And keep trying.

Okay.

Every day.

Okay.

And never stop.

Okay.

Ever.

Okay.

Til the day you die.