THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING LINES

(BLAKE, DREW, JESSE, and JORDAN enter thegrocery store on a mission.

DREW: Mentos and Diet Coke.

MAEVE: No -

DREW: MENTOS AND DIET COKE -

(JESSE, JORDAN, and BLAKE all chime in with "sorry for your losses" as well.)

DREW. We loved your dad.

BLAKE. Honestly I thought he was magic -

DREW. Blake -

Every time we would throw rotten fruit at the dumpster it would just…be clean tomorrow.

DREW. Yeah, it was Mr.

BLAKE. Maybe though.

DREW. My mom said he was a "pillar of the community."

BLAKE. What does that even mean?

DREW. He was old and stuff.

MAEVE. Ouch.

DREW. No, like, he's always been around!

BLAKE. LIBERTY. The Statue of Liberty.

DREW. GUYS, HE WAS RESPECTED NOT MADE OF STONE!

MAEVE. Guys, chill -

DREW. Blake, you can't call people old.

JORDAN. She said you and your friends ruled the school. JESSE. Yeah, you and what's her name -?

DREW. Oh yeah, Harp -

BLAKE. Wait that sounds really scary -

DREW. So like, respectfully…What are you doing here?

JESSE. Aren't you the boss now? Couldn't you just give yourself the day off work?

JESSE. Aren't you the boss now? Couldn't you just give yourself the day off work?

DREW. I think she was trying to be funny.

BLAKE. (Under their breath.) I still think he was magic -

DREW. (TO MAEVE.) Well, that's what we do! What we've always done! Our friend group throws you trash at large objects.

JESSE. Yeah! It's our thing!

DREW. (TO MAEVE.) Didn't you used to have fun with your friends?

BLAKE. She seems sad.

DREW. She IS sad.

JORDAN. Huge win.

DREW. I wish there was something we could do to help.

JORDAN. We just kinda run this place.

DREW. Yeah, we just opened.

BLAKE. I use lotion.

DREW. Wait, do I know you? Do you live here?

BLAKE. (Condescendingly.) It's a boss thing.

DREW. Are you Harper?

JESSE. Oh, you're Maeve's -

(DREW covers JESSE's mouth.) (DREW thinks quickly.) DREW. Do you…wanna see…Blake's office?

HARPER. Not really -

DREW. Of course you do. Come on!

MAEVE. You guys ran out of here quick. Still want that fruit?

DREW. What? No, we aren’t hiding anyone.

MAEVE. I didn't say -

DREW. Yes, we ran out! We had to, uh, get our ducks in a row.

(MAEVE passes the box of old apples to DREW and begins to walk away.)

DREW. WAIT!

MAEVE. What?

DREW. I, uh, love old apples! Don't you?

MAEVE. Not really?

DREW. You more of a grapes girlie?

MAEVE. Grapes girlie? Is that a real thing?

DREW. A plum person? A kiwi kid?

MAEVE. Drew I don't have time for produce wordplay.

DREW. It's just… I've been coming to this store my whole life and I feel like we barely know each other! What's your favorite fruit?

MAEVE. Uh, I guess I like bananas.

DREW. Me too! Okay, next question.

MAEVE. I'm waiting…

DREW. What would you define as your deepest hurt?

MAEVE. Excuse me?

DREW. Too deep? I'm, uh, thinking about majoring in psychology one day -

MAEVE. Drew, what are you getting at? I have things to do.

DREW. Yeah, yeah, I know. We all have things to do!

MAEVE. Yes, I'm sure you have a very busy child schedule.

DREW. I'm sorry! I'm thinking on the fly here. Back to fruit…(DREW sees the box of apples.) One thing I love to do is pick apples, off trees, with my…friends! WHOA! Speaking of friends, any old friends you wished you could see today?

MAEVE. It's…adult stuff.

DREW. But what if I could help?

MAEVE. That's really nice,But I don't think my problems are your problems.You should just focus on having fun.

DREW. But what if I - We - Um… Got you something?

MAEVE. Like a gift?

DREW. No, like a surprise?

MAEVE. I'm not a huge fan of surprises.

DREW. Well then maybe…buckle up for this one?

MAEVE: Drew…

DREW: I was trying to be helpful, I promise!

MAEVE: Recon?

DREW: (To MAEVE) Not recon. (To BLAKE) Not well. I don't think this is a good idea-

HARPER. Hey Maeve.

(An awkward moment.) DREW. …surprise?

DREW. …surprise?

JESSE. Well this is going really well.

DREW. (With sad jazz hands.) Surprise.

BLAKE. Grabbing.

DREW. And you guys should…you know, catch up!

MAEVE. Drew -

DREW. BYE.

MAEVE. What do you guys want?

DREW. Well, we finished up the apples.

BLAKE. OW.

DREW. Why did Harper run out?

MAEVE. Doesn't matter.

DREW. Seems like it kinda matters -

JESSE. I mean technically!

DREW. You didn't want those rotten apples.

MAEVE. (Over it.) Alright.

What do you guys want?

DREW. Payment -

MAEVE. Then what?

DREW. Mentos. Diet Coke. Cinnamon. Gallon of milk.

MAEVE. Really?

DREW. Jesse and Jordan's parents both work. Blake didn't make the soccer team so they have a bunch of free time. And my weekends are open until the school play so…your dad always gave us a place to be dumb.

MAEVE. Mentos and Diet Coke.

That's it.

DREW. DEAL.

MAEVE. I'm not touching your hand.

DREW. FAIR.

MAEVE. Thank you for shopping.

DREW. So, Harper -

MAEVE. How do you even know Harper?

DREW. She used to be in the store just as much as you were when I was younger.

My mom never wanted to go to your guys' register 'cause you were always talking to each other.

MAEVE. (Laughs a bit.) That makes sense.

DREW. And now you guys are fighting?

MAEVE. No. Yes? I just feel like I'm saying all the wrong things. It's been a day. I don't know, Drew, just go… Go have fun in the parking lot.

DREW. Okay… Just, maybe it's not about saying the right thing? Maybe it's about hearing it?

MAEVE. Yeah, thanks for the advice. You're a child. Go away.

DREW. I will but by my own choice. (In the direction of the parking lot.) DON'T BLOW THINGS UP WITHOUT ME!