Attraction and Intimacy

what leads to friendship and attraction?

1. proximity

2. physical attraction

3. similarity

4. feeling liked

what is the proximity principle?

being around someone strongly predicts liking

why does proximity predict liking?

mere exposure - as something becomes more familiar, we are less suspicious or afraid of it

exposure reduces stereotyping because we individualise traits and distinctiveness more

how does proximity change with the digital age?

expanded from just physical proximity

now frequency of interaction

what findings support proximity as a predictor of liking?

sharing a dorm increased the volume of emails send by 2x

being on the same floor = another 2x

sharing a room = further 3x

what is anticipation of interaction?

people can feel connected to someone else just because they are near each other, share a situation or seem similar start to feel they are in this together

naturally want your feeling towards them to fit that perceived connection

what are the hypothesis of anticipation of interaction?

if subject knows they are going to be paired with another person, a unit relationship has been formed

the subject should show a tendency to balance relationship by increasing their liking

they should then come into the interaction situation with an increased liking prior to the actual interaction

when does anticipation tend to be positive?

positive or neutral pre-interaction information

expected reward

perceived similarity

low perceived threat

individual differences (low social anxiety, low prejudice and openness)

when is anticipation negative?

negative prior information or negative stereotypes

negative meta-stereotype / fear of being rejected

what is the biological basis of physical attraction?

neurologically programmed to respond positivity to physical beauty

use it as an indicator of gene quality, health, fertility and their quality as a potential future partner

what is the physical-attractiveness stereotype?

the tendency to believe that beautiful is good (have all the good qualities)

attractive individuals elicit positive reactions from others

is there any truth to the physical-attractiveness stereotype?

research has found attractive and unattractive individual did not differ in their personality styles

but there is some truth:

beautiful people are somewhat more relaxed, outgoing, have more psychological wellbeing and more socially polished

what is social desirability?

the tendency of people to respond in a way that will be viewed favourably by others, including the researcher

what did research into social desirability find?

college students rated the romantic attractiveness of opposite sex peers as equal, regardless of the presence of physical disability

however using the implicitly association test revealed a clear preference for no obvious disabilities

what is the matching phenomenon?

the tendency for people to choose partners with roughly equivalent social attributes

strong = age, religiosity, political views

moderate = education, verbal intelligence

weak = personality, emotionality, attachment style

what is attitude alignment?

some complementarity may evolve as a relationship progresses

what is evaluative conditioning?

the majority of likes and dislikes are learned

we like those we associate with good feelings

conditioning creates a positive feeling towards things and people linked with the pleasant stimulus

what is the theory of attraction?

we like those who reward us and those we associate with rewards

how do the 4 explanations of attraction abide by the theory of attraction?

1. proximity - rewarding because it costs less times and effort to maintain relationships

2. attraction - rewarding because we assume people have other good qualities and we will benefit by association

3. similarity - rewarding because we assume people who are like us like us and they validate our views

4. being liked - rewarding because we like to be loved

what is love?

Sternberg’s conception of love is a combination of three basic components:

commitment

passion

intimacy

what is commitment?

involves a conscious decision to stick with one another

represents the cognitive side of the love triangle

what are the 3 ways of defining commitment?

1. follow-through - fulfilling a promise to do something or give something

2. consistency - a promise to be loyal to someone

3. effortful - the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something

what is the trajectory of commitment?

commitment increases gradually at first then grows more rapidly

what is the investment model?

satisfaction level + quality of alternative + investment amount → commitment level → probability of persistence

what are the 3 types of consensual non-monogamy?

1. polyamory

2. swinging

3. open relationships

what is the prevalence of CNM relationships?

3-7% in North America

20% have engaged at some point

1 in 6 Americans express interest in polyamory

LGBT+ and men = higher engagement

what is the effect of CNM on relationship quality?

no significant difference in relationship satisfaction, love and commitment

polyamorous individuals report higher satisfaction than those in open relationships

what is the research gap into CNM relationships?

most CNM research focuses on white, middle-class polyamorist

limited dates on non-white populations, parenting outcomes and healthcare experiences

needs quantitative studies and cross-cultural research

what is intimacy?

the emotional aspect of love

includes:

closeness

sharing

support

communication

what is the trajectory of intimacy?

grows steadily at first then levels off

may become latent in some successful relationships

if completely gone - relationship likely to collapse

what is self disclosure?

revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others

what is social penetration theory?

closeness between people develops because of gradual self-disclosure

what is disclosure reciprocity?

the tendency for one persons intimacy of self-disclosure to match that of a conversational partner

what are the stages in social penetration theory?

1. orientation stage - superficial and polite conversation

2. exploratory stage - sharing opinions and attitudes

3. affective stage - emotional exchange and personal feelings

4. stable stage - deep open sharing of core values and beliefs

what are problematic disclosure patterns?

oversharing - when individuals reveal too much personal or sensitive information too soon without the foundation of trust

often bypasses the orientation and exploratory stages

what is passion?

a form of love characterised by intense love or longing for the other person

motivational side of the triangle

leads to physiological arousal and an intense desire to be united

what is the trajectory of passion?

starts strong but cools off for everyone

what is the social neuroscience behind passion?

passionate love is the psychological experience of being biologically aroused by someone you find attractive

MRI found caudate nucleus (associated with reward detection) was more active when looking at a loved ones photograph

what is the triangular theory of love?

these 3 types can be combined in various forms to create 8 different kinds of love

draw the triangle of love using all the 8 different kinds of love

what is the empirical evidence to support the triangular theory of love?

higher intimacy predicts trust - self-reports

intimacy reduces conflict - clinical outcomes from therapeutic studies

passion studies show intensity fades and predicts conflict if unbalances - breakup data

passion drives early online interactions - app metrics

commitment research confirms long-term dedication sustains relationships

what did cross-cultural research find?

Sorokowski tested the theory in 25 countries with over 7000 participants

found configure, metric and scalar invariance - suggesting the structure of love is culturally universal

what were the findings for across the lifespan?

Sumter et al:

found adolescents scored lower on all components

older adults showed decline in passion and intimacy but not commitment

Sorokowski:

early stages = high passion, growing intimacy and lower commitment

later stages = passion decreases, intimacy and commitment dominate

developmental trajectories are consistent globally

what is the application of this theory?

1. diagnostic framework - tool for therapists to assess which components are strong or weak to understand the type of love present

2. goal setting and intervention strategies:

enhancing intimacy

reviving passion

building commitment

what is asexuality and why use these individuals in research?

sexual orientation where someone experiences little to no sexual attraction to others

allows evaluation whether relationships benefits are universal or conditional

what were the findings of asexual research?

1. asexual people do not show typical relationships benefits - did not report lower loneliness when in relationships (levels similar if they were single or partnered)

2. relationship satisfaction matters in a different way - being satisfied in a relationship protected the asexual individual form anticipating loneliness in old age

what was the theoretical significance?

1. challenges universal relationship theories - show that asexuality complicated assumption that relationships improve wellbeing

2. relationships may depend on: sexual orientation, personal meaning of relationships or expectations

3. highlights need for inclusive research samples

what are takers?

self-focused and put their own interests ahead of others needs

what are matchers?

preserve an equal balance of giving and taking

what are givers?

others-focused and tend to provide support to others with no strings attached

when are givers successful?

worst performers - self-sacrificing who burn out or get exploited

best performers - help effectively, protect boundaries and build broad networks of goodwill

what are the success rates of takers?

may rise but fall hard

can appear successful short term because they accumulate resources from others

over time people recognise and avoid them

what are the role of matchers?

shape reputations

help enforce fairness

reward givers

punish takers by evening the scores

dynamic helps givers thrive and limits takers long-term gains