Chapter 8 + 10- Interpersonal Comm 1222

Deception

deliberately using uninformative, untruthful irrelevant, or vague language for the purpose of misleading others

Concealment

leaving important and relevant information out of messages, is practiced more frequently than all other forms of deception combined

Misunderstanding

misperceiving another’s verbally expressed thoughts, feelings, or beliefs; results from a failure to actively listen, stats: height-12% hobbies+interests- 14% income-14% age-21%

Anti-Social Deception

to harm someone; this type of lie involves rumors, spreading false information about someone to hurt them

Pro-Social Deception

this type of lie benefits the person lied to or lied about (santa, thooth fairy, easter bunny)

Self-Enhancement Deception

to make yourself look good; this type of lie is when you present yourself positively

Selfish Deception

to protect yourself; this type of lie is when you conceal things about your past or conceal negative things

Language is Flexible

although all languages have constitutive and regulative rules, people often bend those rules

Personal Idioms

(nicknames)- words and phrases that have unique meaning to them

Language is Cultural

members of a culture use language to communicate their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and values with one another, thereby reinforcing their collective sense of cultural identity

Dialects

when a large group of people within a particular culture who speak the same language develop their own variations on that language over time

Denotative Meaning

the literal meaning of your words, as agreed on by members of your culture who speak the same language develop their own variations on that language over time

Connotative Meaning

additional understanding of a word’s meaning based on the situation and knowledge we and our communication partners share

Cooperative Verbal Communication

you produce messages that have three characteristics

Being Informative

you should prosent all the information that is relevant and appropriate to share, given that situation

Being Honest

the single most important characteristics of cooperative verbal communication because other people count on the fact that the information you share with them is truthful

Being Relevant

means making your conversational contributions responsive to what others have said

Being Clear

means presenting information in a straight forward fashion, rather than framing it in abscure or ambiguous terms

“You” Language

phrases that place the focus of attention and blame on other people, “you let us down”

“I” Language

phrases that emphasize owership of your feelings, opinions, and beliefs

“We” Languages

wordings that emphasize inclusion, a common way people signal their closeness

Defensive Communication

impolite messages delivered in response to suggestions, criticism, or perceived slights

Dogmatic Messages

a person dismisses suggestions for improvement or constructive criticism, refuse to consider other views, and continues to believe that their behaviors are acceptable

Superiority Messages

the speaker suggests that they possess special knowledge, ability, or status far beyond that of the other individual

Indifference Messages

a person implies that the suggestion or criticism being offered is irrelevant, uninteresting, or unimportant

Control Messages

a person seeks to squelch criticism by controlling the other individual or the encounter

Communication Apprehension

fear or anxiety associated with interaction which keeps someone from being able to communicate cooperatively

Perception

perceive different goals/actions

Clashes in Goals or Behaviors

incompatible goals/personal values

A process

unfolds over time, impacts future interactions

Is Dynamic

constantly changing and unpredictable

Cause of Conflict

irritating partner behaviors, disagreements regarding relationship rules, personality clashes

Roommate Conflicts

over 50% of women and 44% of men reported frequent or occasional conflicts with roommates or housemates; stats

R

Recognize the Problem (specific, use “I-messages”, have empathy)

E

Engage in Productive Communication + Conflicts Resolution (active listening)

P

Pose Possible Solutions (win-win)

A

Affirm Each Other (cherishing behaviors-smallpostive gestures)

I

Integrate Solutions into Normal Behavior

R

Risk

Skirting

a person avoids a conflict by changing the topic or joking about it

Sniping

communicating in a negative fashion and then abandoning the encounter by physically leaving or refusing to interact

Cumulative Annoyance

repressed irritation grows as the mental lists of grievance we have against our partner builds

Pseudo-Conflicts

the perception that a conflict exists when in fact it doesn’t

Accommodation

a person abandons their own goals, willingly agrees when in love or grudgingly agrees when a person has more power

Completition

the pursuit of one’s own goals without regard for others’. can trigger defensiveness and can result in escalation

Reactivity

communicae in an emotionally explosive + negative fashion. accusations of mistrust, flip out

Collaboration

mutual problems-solving problems, 4 parts: attack problems, not people. focus on common interests and long-term goals. create options and critically evaluate your solution

Separation

Sudden withdrawal of one person from the encounter

Domination

when one person gets their way by influencing the other to engage in accommodation and abandoning their goals

Compromise

both parties change their goals to make them compatible

Integrative Agreements

two sides preserve and attain their goals by developing a creative solution, win-win

Sudden-death Statements

when people get so angry they suddenly declare the end of the relationship

Dirty Secerts

statements that are honest on content, have been kept hidden designed to hunt

Serial Agruments

a series of unresolved disputes, all having to do with the same issue

Kitchen Sinking

hurling insults and accusations at each other that have little to do with the original disagreement

Power Currencies

to auquire power, you must possess or control some form ____ ________, a resource that other people value

Resource Currency

if you possess material things that someone else needs or wants (money, property, food)

Expertise Currency

comprise special skills or knowledge, the more highly specialized and unique your skill is

Social Network Currency

a person who is linked with a network of friends, family, and acquaintances with substantial influences

Personal Currency

personal characteristics that people consider desirable- beauty, intelligence, charisma, communication skill, sense of humor-constitute

Intimacy Currency

you share a close bond with someone that no one else shares