Oh, Mary! Monologue

Part 1

Hello! Hello, I’m here for my audition! I’m sorry I’m late, I got held up at home by my hus…by my…by a gay guy. Anyways, I’m here now and that’s all that matters, right?

Part 4

Ta-da! Presenting Mary Todd-that’s my name by the way, Mary Todd. Of course my married name is Lincoln but I’m not trying to use that to curry any favor.

Part 5

Mmm, curry, now I’m hungry! No. Uhhh, where should I start? Uh, yes! I will be reciting for you the role of Nurse from Romeo and Juliet. By William Shakespeare.

Part 6

And I’m realizing I forgot my book. I don’t have the book. Oh, Mary. But I will improvise! Okay? Yeah, I’ll just improvise here. But uh, okay, so-this is Nurse from Romeo and Juliet.

Part 7

Oi! Me name’s the Nurse! And I seen that Romeo kissin’ Lady Miss Juliet, I have. Wife me own two eyes! Course, I done a right good lot of kissin in my time, I has! Loads of men, fresh offa them sailboats down at the dock. I close me eyes and I can still picture them men, comin down offa them ships, them big balls pokin outta the holes in their ripped-up trousers. I right like the smell of balls I do. But I don’t kiss and tell. Not like Lady Miss Juliet, who’s been kissin and tellin and kissin some more! She killed herself today. Now I spose it’s up to ol Nurse to clean up the mess. Ah well, I still got me memries. Good night.

Part 8

The end. Would you like something else? I’m better with a script, I promise.

ALL

Hello! Hello, I’m here for my audition! I’m sorry I’m late, I got held up at home by my hus…by my…by a gay guy. Anyways, I’m here now and that’s all that matters, right? Ta-da! Presenting Mary Todd-that’s my name by the way, Mary Todd. Of course my married name is Lincoln but I’m not trying to use that to curry any favor. Mmm, curry, now I’m hungry! No. Uhhh, where should I start? Uh, yes! I will be reciting for you the role of Nurse from Romeo and Juliet. By William Shakespeare. And I’m realizing I forgot my book. But I will improvise! Okay? Yeah, I’ll just improvise here. Oi! Me name’s the Nurse! And I seen that Romeo kissin’ Lady Miss Juliet, I have. Wife me own two eyes! Course, I done a right good lot of kissin in my time, I has! Loads of men, fresh offa them sailboats down at the dock. But I don’t kiss and tell. Not like Lady Miss Juliet, who’s been kissin and tellin and kissin some more! She killed herself today. Now I spose it’s up to ol Nurse to clean up the mess. Ah well, I still got me memries. The end.