Exam 2 close relationships study guide

• Physical attraction does not mean sexual attraction

• It all comes down to rewards

• a basic assumption

  • we like those who reward us

    • something that we gain seen as positive

      • examples

        • emotional sharing

        • gifts

        • pretty privilege

        • attention

Indirect rewards

• similar interests, beliefs, values

  • it helps reassures an individual about themselves

  • research shows we like ppl similar to us or similar birthdays as us

Basic assumptions

• if rewarded we like the person and find them attractive

  • Personality matchups

Liking those near us

• we see people near us more often and we come to like them or be friendly with them

• With technology and social media, we are now able to become close with people far away from us

• Proximity is rewarding, distance is costly

• Mere exposure

• Moreland & Beach (1992)

• proximity accentuates our feelings about others

we see people near us more often and we come to like them or be friendly with them

Ex: next door neighbor

• class mate we see everyday

With technology and social media, we are now able to become close with people far away from us

• phones

• ipads

• apps like instagram and tiktok

• skype, facebook, twitter

Proximity is rewarding, distance is costly

• difference between being there digitally vs physical

• easier to get rewards from people near us

• out of sight, out of mind

Mere exposure

• familiarity does not breed contempt but rather content

Moreland & Beach (1992)

• varies # of time marie pass by the class

• those never seen her still rate her likeliness

• the more we see that person the more we like them

Proximity accentuates our feelings about others

• like music, the more we hear we like or the more we hear we hate

• depends on first time initial

Bias for beauty

• what is beautiful is good

Implicit bias

• where we tell ppl our personality once and now we have an assumption on that person because of that

People believed that those who were attractive would have futures that involved:

• More prestige

• more social and professional success

• happier marriages

• more fulfilling

  • Example: classic disney- pretty were heros, villians were ugly like cinderella movie

Ppl believed those who are attractive would have these personality

• kind

• strong

• outgoing

• nurturant

• sensitive

• sexually warm/ responsive

• interesting

• poised

• sociable

• exciting date

• good character

We also believe opposite of attractive people

• examples: stuck up, cheater, bully etc

Self Fulfilling prophecy

occurs when your expectations or fears about a partner or the relationship lead you to act in ways that make those very fears come true

Benefits of being pretty

• less likely to be convicted

• less likely to pay a fine

• less likely to earn consequences or punishment

• politics, whoever more attractive we assume is competent

  • ex: JFK vs Nixon live debate

Is beauty in the eye of the beholder

• no

  • whats beauty here may be the same in a different country

  • beauty is universal but also innate

    • we are able to distinguish between attractive or ugly

    • born with bias in our head already regarding attractive

Women are more attractive when they combined baby faced features with maturity basically simplified youth

• larger eyes

• cupid bow mouth

• prominent cheeks bones

• smaller chin

  • these features implied we age well, healthier, fertile( why men prefer younger women)

  • full lips = youth , older wrinkles

  • all over the world features

  • women back then used belladonna (deadly nightshade ) to rub on eyelid to dilate eyes for bigger eyes

what kind of face does a woman find attractive on a man ?

• females have higher investment in parental than men do

• ovulate= more mascular men preference

• rest of months= more feminine like features

Faces

• a lot of experiments in relationship can not be replicated

• feminine face means more softer features

Average and symmetrical faces

• People like them

• signifies health

• better offspring

• composite faces combine faces to determine averages

  • 2, 8, and 32 faces

Females body type they like in men

• Tall

• muscular

• broad shoulders

  • finds women attractive- waist to hip ratio , 0.7 is most attractive to men CHILDBEARING HIPS/HOURGLASS

  • men want larger but proportionate hips to their body

  • 0.7 consistent across body weight

  • Ideal weight men find attractive in women is

Men body types they like in women

• hourglass

• slim

• bosom

  • Finds men attractive when waist to hip ratio is 0.9 , not hourglass figure

  • broad shoulders

  • narrow waist

  • OVERWRITTEN when he has money

  • 6 figures to overlook unattractive features= provider

Judgements of attractiveness are multifaceted:

• height

• smell

• hair

• intelligence

• red

Smell

• body natural scents

  • women naturally don’t like the natural smell of men

  • we end up finding the most different immune system from our own for better offsprings survival

Hair

• female hair - long, silky smooth, straight

• male hair- all except bald , short in general , facial hair - heavily influenced by cultural , body hair- light

Intelligence

• both genders find this attractive

RED

• attractive for both and women signifies that an individual is available

Evolutionary theory

adaptive mechanisms shaped by natural and sexual selection to solve ancestral survival and reproduction challenges

How does all we have talked about fit in with evolutionary theory ?

• babies born with preference innate/universal

• ppl are attractive if physical/ mental health good

• beauty standards same all around world

• Parasites near equator

• when ovulated, women voice becomes higher pitch, skin clears up , dresses more provocatively , prefers men with charsimatic, arrogant more masculine

How might culture impact what we find attractive ?

• some culture prefer lighter skin tones (asian)

• Colorism - preference color of skin

  • ex: money predicts weight standards for beauty in women ; 2-colorism

• having more money = access to resources to stay healthy

• Anorexia is coming back on social media

• 50s, women were attractive if they were curvy

Benefits of beauty

• more dates

• better social skills

• more opportunities to date

• less lonely

• happier/ more successful (self fulfilling prophecy)

Unattractive

• harder for men less likely to be exposed to opposite sex

• have fewer interactions with women

Costs of beauty

• people based judgment based on looks rather than action

• people who are attractive is lied to more often by recipients

• men are more likely to shoot their shot on ppl more attractive than him

Contrast effects

• double standard theres sexist man alive but not sexiest women alive

• media affects our standards and preference especially out of the people we match

• def: how it changes the way we see our partner

Why so pick up lines work ?

• it’s essentially a compliment (usually)

• we tend to like ppl who like us (DEF)

• we give something to someone and we get something back

Mate value

• physical attractiveness x probability of acceptance = desirability

Reciprocity

• most ppl find it hard not to like those who like them

• balance theory - those who like us we tend to like them

  • we seek balance in our relationship

  • the enemy of my enemy is my friend

We tend to like those who are like us

• similar in demographics

• tend to date ppl same race as ourselves

• mixed race relationship tends to be exceptionally strong

Opposites attract ?

• no, long term relationship does not mean opposite attract

• not matching on skin, but match what actually matters

• initially maybe

• differences take some time to stubber

Perceived vs Real similarity

• disimilarity

• over time similarity aligned

• friends tend to be best successor determining a relationship

Discovering dissimilarities over time

• stimulus- value role theory

• fatal attractions

  • happens when we find someone dif from ourselves at first

  • then slowly loses attraction overtime

why does the myth continue ?

• Attracted to qualities we wish we have

  • You may be the person I want to become

• Dissimilarity (may ) decrease over time

  • shared experience will increase similarity

Matching is a broad process

shared mate value

Complementary is desirable

Some opposites seem to attract

Liking those we cannot have

• theory of psychological reactance

• Romeo/Juliet effect

  • example of psychological reactance

  • the more we are told no the more we want it

• Potential Partners also get prettier at closing time

  • and not necessarily for why you think

  • because of fewer options

So what do men and women want?

• everybody prefers partners who offer:

  • warmth/ loyalty

  • attractiveness/vitality

  • status/resources

• we all want the same in long term relationships

• older we get the more kindness and warmth importance becomes

Social Cognition

• memory, perception intelligence, emotions

• Our perceptions and interpretations of our partnerships are enormously important

  • how we decide interprets our relationship

1st Impressions

• they happen fast

• but how do we form them ?

  • implicit personality

    • we take one look and assume

    • ways we form judgement easily

    • happens instantly when we see someone 1/25 of a second

    • introvents tends to take up less space

    • extroverts tends to take up more space

    • formed off assumptions based on schemas and stereotypes

Primary effect

• who would you rather work on a class project with? someone who is…

  • envious stubborn critical impulsive industrious and intelligence

  • or

  • intelligent stubborn critical impulsive industrious and envious

• whatever we see or hear first sticks with us

• what we learn first sticks with us the most

Darley/Gross (1983)

• 1st impressions have lasting effects

• Hannah 2 backgrounds : lower/ upper class

• standardized testing achievement

• grades are the same

• when asked ppl assume hannah performed better bc of higher class when in reality test was just the same grade was same achievement was the same

Confirmation bias

• when we seek out information that we believe that are to be true

  • only pay attention to info that confirms our beliefs

Overconfidence Bias

• We tend to stick our 1st impression and tend to fight any evidence that goes against it

Our impression do change over time

• but so do our perception

  • it takes time 6 months or more

  • very influential

why are friends better predicting future of relationship over individual ?

• They see things we can not

Power of Perception

• idealizing our partners

  • positive illusions

• our friends don’t fall for idealization of our partners

Can Positive bubbles burst ?

• Yes they can

  • have to be careful of these illusions and dont put huge expectations for partners

  • illusions or perspective must be reasonable

  • positive illusions does improve partner’s self esteem

Attributions are the way we we explain behavior

• internal/external

• Internal- something dispositional like personality

• external- something outside of the person- situation/environment

  • benefit of doubt

Actor/Observer effect

• applies to anything

  • observer- we only have what is directly infront of us

  • actor- we have everything

    • explaining your/ partner’s behavior

Relationship enhnacing attributions

• Positive

  • internal

  • stable

  • controllable

• Negative

  • external

  • unstable

  • uncontrollable

Distress

• maintaining attributions

  • Positive

    • external

    • unstable

    • uncontrollable

  • Negative

    • internal

    • stable

    • controllable

Attributional process

• why do we give ourselves the benefit of doubt ?

  • self- serving biases

Reconstructive Memory

• we can reconstruct our memories because of perception

• Benefits of misremembering

  • we believe are more stable than they actually are

Romanticism

• love is the primary basis for choosing a partner

• love at first sight

• belief not realistic

• not harmful

• relatively benign

• the longer in relationship less adhere to this belief

• satisfied first few months into a relationship compared to those who don’t hold these beliefs

Beliefs that are dysfunctional

• disagreements are destructive

• mindreading

• change is bad

• perfect sex

• men/women are different

• a great relationship s just happens

  • one of the greatest lies we tell

Destiny Beliefs

• you believe in destiny

• fate

• if its meant to be

• I have no control over what happens

• allows us to believe we can get away from responsibility bc of fate

• puts partner on a pedestal

• likely to become aggressive

Growth Belief

• growth mindsets

• puts partner on foot stool

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

• rejection sensitivity

  • much bigger impact on how we think and behave toward everything

Self Perceptions

• Self esteem does not equal self concept

  • self enhancement

    • desire to receive positive feedback

  • self verification

    • verifying the positive feedback

4 Strategies in impression management

• ingratiation

• self promotion

• intimidation

• supplication

Ingratiation

• Get people to like you

Self Promotion

• risky for women than men

• absolutely desirable

• promote ourselves

Intimidation

• we use intimidation or fear to get people to do what we want

Supplication

• attempt to appear unfirm to get people to do stuff for us

who do you work harder to impress- your partner or an acquaintance ?

• Acquaintance

  • first impressions

    • we work to create desirable images of our partners and relationships for others

Individual Difference may also be important

• self monitors - way we control impressions

  • high

    • more aware of surroundings situations

    • adapt more easily

  • low

    • opposite , more introvert timid

Several Factors determine how accurate our judgements are

• Knowledge

• Motivation

• Partner legibility

• Perceiver ability

• Threatening perceptions

  • Right or wrong, our perceptions of our partners are clearly influential

Knowledge

• greatest information

• increases our ability

Motivation

• decreases

  • women are more motivated to understand their partners and their relationships

  • Good mood: more motivation

Partner Legibility

• how well can we read ourselves and our partner

• men are easier to read

Perceiver ability

• ability to look at partner and understand the message they’re trying to send

• women have better perciever ability because we are taught to understand emotions

Threatening Perceptions

• basically we feel threaten from competition

Why is it that your message is not always clear ?

• benefit - deniability

• More often than we realize, we face an interpersonal gap

Nonverbal communication

• everything except the actual words

• involves all things people do in an interaction except for what they say

• incredibly influential

Functions of Nonverbal communication

• providing information

• regulating interaction

• defining relationships

• interpersonal influences

• impression management

• service task function

Facial Expressions

• all over the world, people display certain expressions when they are feeling certain emotions

Can you control facial expressions ?

• intensifying

• minimizing

• neutralizing - not letting anything through

• masking - mask or replace the emotions we are feeling Ex: Pageants

However, even when people control their expressions, the truth may leak out

• micro expressions

  • true smile, fake smile - crinkle in smile

  • quick flash of actual emotions

Gazing behavior

• is influential

  • looking at another person

  • ex:maintain eye contact, look away and immediately look back

Can communicate dominance and status too

• the visual dominance ratio = Look speak/ look listen

  • how much looking at person while speaking

  • in friendship number is even

  • high VR= higher status or individual

  • low VR equals lower eye contact while speaking, like timid shy or anxious

Talk with hands

• extroverted

  • helps further interpret facial expressions

  • hand gestures need to be very careful

  • when traveling out of US facial expressions is what we can trust

  • when travel don’t use hand or we easily offend somebody ( culturally specific )

Posture

• less confident we are hunched

• confident puffed out chest

• higher status- asymmetrical posing

Touch

• touch to provide comfort - hug , hand on shoulder

• change in pressure and facial expression

• men tend to touch women more often

• some reason more acceptable for men to touch women instead of women touch men

Interpersonal Distance

• culturally determined

• basically an individual personal bubble

• US has the largest personal bubble

• Men are least likely to stand closer together

  • arm length all away around u

    • Intimate distance zone- parents children lovers, married couples

    • personal distance zone- close friends

    • social distance- coworkers, social gatherings, friends, work situation

    • public distance zone - actors, strangers , lectures

Paralanguage

• the way we speak but not the actual words

• not what we say but how we say it

  • Rhythm -flow

  • Pitch- how high or low

  • Loudness- volume

  • rate - how slow or fast

Combing Components

• usually reinforces our verbal meaning

• mimicry

  • when we like somebody we mimic their nonverbal behavior

    • don’t usually do this (sarcasm)

Nonverbal Sensitivity

• accuracy of nonverbally communication predicts relationship satisfaction

• and when problems occur , it’s usually husband fault

  • men doesn’t put in effort to understand relationship

Sex Difference

• what happens when women holds position in power ?

  • more asymmetrical