Company - Peter Lines

JOANNE: Hi, this is a dirty phone call. Larry and I are going to be in the country so we’ll miss any birthday celebrations. Anyway, you’re thirty-five. Who wants to celebrate being that old? Well, I only hope I look as good as you when I’m you’re age.

Hi, Bob. It’s Peter. Get those girls out of your bed and pick up the phone, will ya? Oh, God, I am so envious I can’t even talk. Call me.

ROBERT: Okay, come on. Say it and get it over with. It’s embarrassing. Quick. I can’t stand it.

Happy birthday, Robert.

ROBERT: I stood it. Thank you for including me in your thoughts, your lives, your families. Yes, thank you for remembering. Thank you.

You don’t look it.

ROBERT: Well, I feel it.

It’s the birthday boy!

ROBERT: Now you’ve rehearsed. Very good. I am touched.

SUSAN: I love it when people are really surprised.

She loves it when people are really surprised.

SARAH: Why don’t you just take it back?

HARRY: For God’s sake, he just said he likes it.

SARAH: Pretend not to notice Harry, Robert. I think I’ll leave

HARRY: I was being funny, Sarah. We could stay a little longer.

Hey, Bobby, take ours back too.

JENNY: David is now going to deliver our greeting. Go on, sweetheart.

DAVID: Robert. Happy birthday from us.

Happy Birthday!

JENNY: David is now going to deliver our greeting. Go on, sweetheart.

DAVID: Robert. Happy birthday from us.

HUSBANDS, WIVES: Happy birthday!

And may this year bring you fame, fortune, and your first wife.

JENNY: David is now going to deliver our greeting. Go on, sweetheart.

DAVID: Robert. Happy birthday from us.

HUSBANDS, WIVES: Happy birthday!

PETER: And may this year bring you fame, fortune, and your first wife.

Here, here.

ROBERT: All right. Let’s cut out the many happy returns and that is about enough about me. I am just indeed lucky to have all of you. I mean, when you’ve got friends like mine…

(Everyone sings happy birthday)

Yeah! Hooray!

ROBERT: Oh, I know it. I will. Actually, I didn’t wish for anything.

LARRY: He’s kidding. You gotta be kidding.

DAVID: Anyway, don’t tell it.

Tell it if it’s dirty.

APRIL: Final departure call for NSEW Airlines flight 119. Will the passengers that have not boarded please do so.

What the hell is that noise?

SCENE THREE STARTS

Bob? Bob? Where the hell are you?

ROBERT: Out here.

For crissake, what are you doing out here?

ROBERT: Oh, it is so great to have a terrace in this city. Wow.

SUSAN: Really? We just use it to store old sleds and stuff.

Look. Hundreds of thousands of terraces in New York and never have I seen a single person out on even one of them.

SUSAN: Plus you worry about kids tracking in dirt or falling over.

And everyone can hear everything you say. Are you listening? Not to mention look at all the bird-doo.

SUSAN: And noisy?!! You cannot even hear yourself think. And what can you see? All you can see is the building across the street.

Well, if you lean way out and look over there you can see the East River.

SUSAN: Except that you really can’t. Peter almost met his Maker one night trying to see that dumb ol’ East River. He did.

ROBERT: You saved him?

SUSAN: Me? No. Well, I suppose, in a way.

She fainted so I got down.

SUSAN: Peter just is not afraid of anything at all. Unfortunately, I simply was not made that way. One day Peter fell off the ladder when he was putting up my curio cabinet and he split his head right open. Well, I fainted. I came to, I looked at his head and I fainted again.

Four times she fainted that night.

ROBERT: Well, see now, to me that is so sweet. That is charm. Oh, you gotta be one lucky guy, Peter. I mean, hey, that kind of — Southern graciousness — there just ain’t much of that around these parts. You two are — he said with envy — just beautiful together. Really a terrific pair. And Peter — if you ever decide to leave her — I want to be the first to know.

SUSAN: Well…

You’re the first to know.

SUSAN: We’re getting divorced.

We haven’t told anyone yet.

AMY: It probably was a wish you wouldn’t have got anyway, Robert.

DAVID: You wish for a wife, Robert?

Don’t. You’re a lucky son-of-a-gun now. Hang in there.

ROBERT: All right, all right! Actually, I didn’t wish for anything.

DAVID: What do you mean you didn’t wish for…

SUSAN: Oh, tell, everybody’s so curious.

Tell, but lie.

SARAH: Isn’t he a cutie?

ROBERT: PORTS IN A STORM, COMFY AND COZY, SIDE BY SIDE…

He never loses his cool.

ROBERT: You know me. I’m always happy. What did I say?

Hey, Bob, did Susan show you the pictures I took in Mexico when I went down to get the divorce?

ROBERT: Divorce? You’re not married now?

SUSAN: Not since the divorce.

ROBERT: Oh.

I flew down to Mexico. It is absolutely sensational down there. It is so terrific, I phoned Susan to come down and join me.

SUSAN: It’s so pretty down there.

ROBERT: Where are you living now, Peter?

Well, here at home. I mean, I’ve got responsibilities… Susan and the kids to take care of. I certainly wouldn’t leave them.

JOANNE: You’re not a kid anymore, Robert. I don’t think you’ll ever be a kid again, kiddo.

Hey, buddy. Don’t be afraid it won’t be perfect… the only thing to be afraid of really is that it won’t be!

HARRY: It’s all much better living it than looking at it, Robert.

Add ‘em up, Bobby. Add ‘em up.

AMY: Do you think something’s wrong?

PAUL: No. I think something’s right.

Well, I’ve called every joint in town.

SUSAN: I’ll call him tomorrow.

Don’t.

JOANNE: Okay. All together, everybody.

Happy birthday, Robert.