Alice in the Wonderland

Queen of Hearts lines.

“Make way for her Majesty! Make way for the Queen of Hearts!”

“Off with their heads!” — “Who is this? Who is this person? How dare you enter my domain! What is your name, you horrid little girl?”

“My name is Alice, so please Your Majesty. At least it was when I got up this morning.”

“So your name is Alice. I’m very fond of Alices. You must come to my garden this afternoon and play croquet”

“Thank you, Your Majesty!”

“I’m baking tarts for the occasion from my royal recipe”

“Lovely. I’m very fond of tarts. At tea time, my mother always scolds me for helping myself.”

“You had better not help yourself to my tarts! Stealing tarts is a capital offense! I always have an executioner close by to behead anyone caught stealing tarts!

“… I’m very abxuiys to get back home and see Dinah. She’s my cat.”

“Impossible! Only royal persons are permitted to home. You’ll have to become a queen yourself before you’ll be allowed to go!”

“I shall have to become Queen Alice? Just to leave?”

“Certainly, you foolish girl! And you’ll have many strange adventures before that happens. Every adventure is a necessary step. First, you must journey across Wonderland, until you come to the border of Looking-Glass Land. Then, you must travel square bt square on the giant chessboard until you get to the eighth row. Then, you will be a queen yourself and may go anywhere you please.”

“It sounds very difficult and confusing”

“You had no business coming here in the first place!”

“Yes ma’am, and I never shall again.”

“Hold your tounge! I’m a hungry hyena, and you’re a bone!”

“I beg your royal pardon!”

“You’d better, or I’ll have your head chopped off! Come to the croquet game this afternoon. Mind your manners when you get there, and don’t be late, or you’ll be punished.” (clap)

“Tallyho”

“Tallyho! Off with their heads! Tallyho!’

“And she tells me to mind my manners!”

(offstage) “Off with their heads! Off with their heads!”

“She will. Her majesty has a dreadful temper.”

(offstage) “Off with their heads, I say!”

“No time! No time! Oh, the Duchess! Won’t she be savage, if I’ve kept her waiting.”

(offstage) “Off with their heads!”

(walk on) “Male way for her Royal Majesty! Gangway for the Queen of Hearts!”

“Who is this? What is your name, child?”

“My name is Alice. Your Majesty, we met this morning”

“Alice, to be sure” … “And who are these?'“

“How should I know, Your Majesty? This is your croquet garden.”

“Off with her head! Off with her head, I say!”

“Consider, my dear. She is only a child.”

“I forgive her on the grounds of youth… turn them over!”

“Yes, auntie—-I mean, yes, Your Royal Majesty!”

“Get them on their feet. The miserable wretches…… stop that ridiculous bowing. You make me giddy. What have you been doing here?”

“May it please Your Majesty, we were trying—-”

“Off with their heads!”

“Spare us, Majesty! Have mercy!”

“Take them away!”

(pause after gardeners leave)

“Do you play croquet, my dear?”

“Yes, your Majesty”

“Come along then.”

(croquet is set up)

“At my court, we use flamingos for mallets. So amusing, don’t you agree?”

… “You see, the Duchess was late to the party, and the Queen was furious.”

“Off with her head!”

“That’s terrible!”

“Off with his head!”

“Rabbit, tell me something, please…”

“OFF WITH EVERYONES HEAD!”

… “Ask the Duchess, I think she knows. But I don’t think she’ll tell you. SHe’s too upset about losing her head.”

… “Where is that Rabbit? Rabbit, I want you!”

"… A fine day, Your Majesty.”

“I give you fair warning: you must get ready for your execution or i’ll chop off your head!”

… (Duchess runs off)

“Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?”

“I don’t even know what a Mock Turtle is.”

“It’s this think Mock Turtle soup is made from… Go along, and he’ll tell you his story… Gryphon? Gryphon!”

“Is that a Mock Turtle?”

“No, foolish girl. That a Gryphon.”

“Grrrr.”

“Stir your stumps, you lazy thing! And tale this young lady to the Mock Turtle. I must go see to the executions.”

“I wish to state that I am totally innocent of the charges brought against me.”

“Off with her head, I say!”

“First witness! Mad Hatter! Mad Hatter!”

“Hurry up! We haven’t got all day!”

“I beg your pardon, Your Majesty!”

“It isn’t respectable to beg”

“I mean, I’m sorry for bringing these in. But I hadn’t quite finished my tea.”

“When did you begin?”

“Fourteenth of March. I think it was.” … “It was the fifteenth/.”

“Jury, write that down.”

“Silence in court!”

“Witness, take off your hat!”

“But mark my words, she’s a very peculiar girl. Just the kind to go stealing other people’s tarts.”

“Suspicious! Very suspicious! She said at home she often helped herself to tarts without permission. I think the girl should be beheaded on principle.”

“There’s more evidence to come, Your Majesty. I’ve just been headed those paper. It’s a set of verses.”

“Suspicious!”

“You heard him confess! Consider your verdict.”

“No, no. Sentence first, verdict later.”

“That’s illegal!”

“Hold your tongue. Alice, I said hold your tongue.”

“I won’t.”

“I said hold your tongue. Now!”

“I won’t do it!”

“Off with her head!”

“Off with her head.” (all)

“Off with her head!!!'“

“Stop! Stop! I hadn’t done anything. I just want to go home.”

“Off with her head.”

“Wait please, I need direction.”

“Don’t let that girl reach the eighth square! I’m determined that she sha;; not be crowned a queen.”

“I won’t, my love, I won’t”

“Then stir your stumps!”

“The Queen of Hearts!”

“There she is! Off with her head! Off with her head!”

“I command you, stop!”

“Off with her head!”

“All hail, Queen Alice!”

“What?”

“Hooray!” (all)

“Wait a minute…”

“Am I really Queen? This must be the eighth square.”

“No.”

“Oh, my ears and whiskers! We shall all be late! Come along, Your Royal Majesties.”

“We’ve missed the soup and fish. Bring the mutton. I drink to Queen Alice’s health.”

“Queen Alice’s health!” (all)

“Well, my girl. I did my best to catch up with you. I was hot on your heels from square to square. I had planned to chop off your head before you ever set a crown on it. But it’s too late to remedy matters now. So you may go home safely whenever you life.”

“Too the Look-Glass World, now let it said, / I’ve a scepter in hand, I’ve crown on my head, / Let the Wonderland Creatures, whatever they be, / Come and done with the Red Queen, the White / Queen and me!”

“Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can, / And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran. / Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea… / And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three! / With thirty-times-three! / With thirty-times-three! / And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-thirty.”

“‘Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea. / Along with the Red QUeen, the White Queen and me!” (Alice)

“So fill up the glasses with syrup and ink, / And anything else that is pleasant to drink. / Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine… / And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nice! / With ninety-times-nine! / And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine!”