Love and Eroticism Midterm

authors, concepts, and their books

Ferdinand Tonnies

the concept of gemeinshaft, Gesellschaft

gemeinschaft

community, traditional, rural

gesellschaft

single, modern, industrial, ALIENATION

Thomas Scheff

love seen in love songs

Curtailment of feeling (TS)

act of reducing, limiting, or cutting something short before it finished → feelings so grand like cutting life short to just the feeling of love

Love Trance (limerance) TS

being so infatuated that you don’t see the flaws of the other

attunement (ts)

the sharing of identity and awareness between two persons in love → even non-erotic

Intersubjectivity (TS)

humans are able to share the experience of another (be connected)

TS Misc.

love is the absence of pain

emotions give meaning to cognitions

Pendulation (TS)

shining back and forth between our own POV and the POV of the other - mutual understanding

pendulation doesn’t work narcissistic

I - WE balance (TS)

I (represents the self → isolation_, we ( the identity creating in the couple) → engulfment, must find a balance

Max Weber

the disenchantment of modern life

The world is disenchanted from modernity MW

science and religion almost cured the enchantment that the world once had through discovery

Eva Illouz

An all consuming love

Romantic ritual (EI)

dates have a spiritual undertone and ritual to be performed that successfully allows for enchantment and the separation of the normal.

4 types of boundaries

must be reached to complete the ritual of the dat (EI)

temporal boundary

making time specific for the date

spatial boundary

moving away from traditional domestic spaces

artificial boundary

giving gifts more special than normal every day → expensive clothes and meals

emotional boundary

the love felt must be clear and not platonic

Sacred v. profane (EI)

profane is the every day reality

sacred is when all the of the boundaries are met to make special

restaurants as romance (EI)

lighting makes it secluded (night) all boundaries met

luxury and romance (EI)

money and goods such as food, clothes, and traveling all add a level of eroticism to the love and takes the partners out of day to day life of the profane

simone debeauvoir

The Second Sex

self and the other (SDB)

man is the subject - taken from the rib → man has meaning by itself but women are referenced to the male, men make women the other when realizing their own sense of self

flee freedom (SDB)

women establishes herself as the other to escape the fear that comes from freedom through choices

second weaning (SDB)

boys become detached from their mothers a second time while girls dont. begins being treated by a man immediately - “a man doesn’t ask to be kissed”

proud of urination (SDB)

the penis is the alter ego; represents free form from the body and something tangible that females lack. separation from the girls because singled out by the father in an inclusive way

masochistic day-dreams (SDB)

girls begin to day-dream about doing what boys do because of the new separation- “narcissistic fancies” closest thing they could get to being a man is being chosen by them and therefore living through them

SDB Misc.

boys have rivalry with the father, girl is still oppressed and seeks admiration from her father

mother is her best friend

love will give back childhood (SDB)

women want what their father gave them in childhood authority, and prevention from feeling abandoned, some remain “babyish” to remain how they dress and act

Authentic Love (SDB)

accepting the unknown future of the other with his limitations and flaws, does not see the faults of her lover or disappointment

Ray Pahl

On Friendship

3 elements of friendship (RP)

friendship of utility - for gain

friendship of pleasure - enjoying the time spent with

friendship of virtue0 you being another face true self

Frankie Blue (RP)

didn’t truly understand how to classify his friends and relationships

-VCSP

-trophy friends

Modernity Destroys friendships (RP)

modern idea of friendship lies in its very freedom from the public of roles and obligations

• ungoverned by the structural definition of friendship

Pessimistic Theories (RP)

Karl Marx - alienation and class struggle

Max Weber - iron cage of bureaucracy

Emilie Durkheim - moral disorder and disintegration of social cohesion

De Tocquelle- loss of the social solidarity

Exchange Theory (RP)

Peter Blau: gaining profile from their associations

Friendship outside market relations (RP)

Adam smith: no existing formula for friendship, vague, and indeterminate

Friendship as a freedom to betray (RP)

the closer you are to your friends, the more they are able to betray you. without trust friendship fails

Rebecca Vaughan:

Uncoupling

Initiator RV

the person who is unhappy and begins to pull back from the partner and relationship first

Uncoupling RV

redefining one’s self after the breakup as an individual happens at different timelines for both the initiator and the partner

Continuities RV

indications of a bond remain the two partners after the uncoupling- seen in habits or lifestyle

indirect strategy RV

initiator coming up with ways to leave the relationship without hurting the partner too significantly- direct confrontation is the easiest solution

Neg. Reinterpretation (RV)

must in the relationship to be considered over - partner must reflect on the past relationship or person in a somewhat negative light to get over them or move on - part of the process of redefining one’s self