Act 2 lines (Jo)

Lily: Hey, Mom. Is it all right if I take a quick break?

Sure. Why don't you save me a trip and take these sheets up to the Benson Suite?

Lily: That's not the kind of break I was hoping for.

(Grins.) You'll survive. (Sets the bedding on the front desk and starts UP RIGHT.)

Lily: Hey, Mom?

(Stops.) Yes, Lily?

Lily: Has this place seemed unusually quiet to you today?

How do you mean?

Lily: Well, like the ghosts. I haven't seen a single one of them since yesterday.

You know, they've been working pretty hard lately. Maybe they're taking a break too.

Lily: I don't think that's it. It never used to matter how tired Sophie was. Until today, she always apparated when I called.

Now that you mention it, we had a few guests ask for a refund because they didn't see any ghosts last night. I was going to call an all-hands meeting about it, but I've just been too busy myself.

Lily: Oh, gosh! What if the ghosts have left?

Don't be silly, Lily. Where would they have gone?

Lily: I don't know. I just have this sickening feeling in my stomach.

That's probably the bean burrito you had for lunch.

Lily: Mom!

(Grins.) Don't forget the sheets, all right?

Beginning of Act 2 Scene 3

For the entire week...? Oh, gosh. I'm sorry to hear that... Yes, I understand... Well, please call us back if your plans change... All right. Have a nice day. (Hangs up.) That's odd.

Lily: What is, Mom?

Another guest just canceled. We're going to be completely vacant this weekend for the first time since we opened.

Lily: (Absentmindedly tugs at her hair.) Wow. Imagine that.

You know something, Lily.

Lily: What? Why do you say that?

Because every time you're hiding something, you pull on your hair.

Lily: (Stops tugging at her hair.) Oh, uh... it's nothing. Well, it's not nothing. It's definitely something. I just don't know how to tell you.

Tell me the same way you always have. By being truthful.

Lily: All right... I did something terrible. Like, really terrible. I may have even ruined our business forever!

Oh, honey. I'm sure it's not that bad. Just tell me.

Lily: You know the Papadopouloses, who checked in yesterday? They brought a medium with them so they could hold a seance in the Garret.

Go on...

Lily: And you know how I told you yesterday that the ghosts weren't responding to being summoned and I hadn't seen any of them.

Okay...

Lily: …So I put on one of our bedsheets and pretended to be a ghost.

Oh, Lily! You didn't!

Lily: ...So either way, those folks were going to say there are no ghosts here.

I suppose your heart was in the right place. But what are we going to do to fix this?

Ernie: (Enters up right with his toolbox.) I finally fixed the leak in the water heater, ma'am.

Thanks, Ernie. It's been one problem after another with that thing.

Ernie: What would you like me to do next?

Nothing.

Ernie: Nothing? There's still a lot of work to be done.

I know. It's just that I don't have any money to pay you. You've been so helpful around here. Unfortunately, all of our guests have canceled, and I'm not sure how to get them back.

Ernie: (Guilty.) What a shame. Are you going to have to sell the place?

Oh, no. We'll make it work, somehow.

Ernie: I'm glad to hear that.

Oh, Ernie. Before you leave, I have something for you. (JO pulls a framed picture from behind the front desk and hands it to him.)

Ernie: (Looks at the picture in shock.) Where did you get this?

I found it behind a stack of calendars in the attic. That's your dad, I'm guessing. And you, when you were little?

Ernie: Uh, yeah. How could you tell?

Oh, I'd know that goofy grin anywhere.

Lily: How weird that it was in the attic here.

That's what I was thinking.

Ernie: I have no idea.

Please, Ernie. The truth.

Ernie: (Sighs.) All right. My father was the handyman here. Forty years ago.

Really? You said your father told you about this place, but why didn't you mention that he worked here?

Ernie: ...Wasn't a grain of truth to it, either.

I'm sorry.

Ernie: ...Is it all right if I keep this?

Of course. That's why I brought it down.

Lily: Wow. I've never seen him like that before.

He did seem a little shell-shocked. But I suppose that's to be expected, coming across an old picture of yourself that way.

Lily: So what are we going to do about the ghosts?

You really think they're gone?

Lily: I'm sure.

Then we're going to have to step up our game.

Lily: What do you mean?

We could buy one of those UV flashlights. They're supposed to help detect ghosts.

Lily: Ooh, good idea! I'll go out and get one right now.

Thanks, honey. Oh, and can you pick up one more thing for me?

Lily: What's that?

Another bedsheet. (Grins.) I understand we're one short.

Lily: Did you find the ghosts, Mom?

Nope. I looked everywhere, from the attic all the way down to the basement. I even pried the boards off that dried up old well in the backyard so I could peer inside. There's no sign of them anywhere.

Lily: Gosh. I was really hoping you'd find them.

Me too. I did discover something, however.

Lily: Oh, really? What's that?

The reason our water heater has been leaking. It's not a loose connection like I thought. There's a hole at the bottom of the tank. A perfectly round hole.

Lily: I don't understand.

Ernie's been sabotaging us, Lily. Drilling holes in the water heater. Loosening the porch railing. Who knows what else? I've always had my suspicions about him, but now I've got proof.

Lily: Why would he do something like that?

Remember when he told us his father was fired by my Uncle Ed? I'll bet this is his petty little way of getting back at us—

Ernie: ...(Enters down right.) Jo, I'm glad you're here. I've got some bad news—

So do I. You're not to step foot on this property ever again.

Ernie: What?! Why?

I think you know why.

Ernie: Please! Let me explain—

I don't want an explanation. I just want you to go.

Ernie: ...This house is going to be condemned unless you let me fix everything I did before the inspector shows up.

You're bluffing. This house is too old and too full of history to be condemned.

Ernie: You’ve got to believe me, Jo. Julia Nichols wants this land, and she’ll stop at nothing to get it.

So you've been working with Julia?

Ernie: Yes, but—

Get out.

Ernie: Jo, please—

I said get out! And never come back!

Lily: Gosh, Mom. What if Ernie's telling the truth?

That backstabber? Ha! I doubt it. But if I'm wrong, and they really are planning to condemn this place, then I'll take care of the repairs myself. I mean, I can handle a hammer or drill as well as anyone. (Casually flips the flashlight in her hand but drops it.) I'll have you know, that is not a sign! (Picks up the flashlight and EXITS UP RIGHT.)

Lily: (Enters up right.) Any news from the inspector, Mom?

(Removes her mask.) Actually, yes. He said he'd come back tomorrow to check on the repairs.

Lily: How are they coming?

Believe it or not, they're almost done. I've patched the roof. I've fixed all of our plumbing issues. And I've finally bolted down that porch railing once and for all. The only thing left is to remove this last patch of mold.

Lily: Ew, gross.

(Grins and mimics LILY.) Thanks, Mom, for not asking me to help.

Darla: (Looks around.) I almost hate to trash this place. It don't look half bad.

(Removes her gloves.) Excuse me. What are you doing here?

Pam: I’ve got the same question for you.

Me? I live here!

Darla: You're human, ain't you?

Yes, of course I'm human!

Darla: ...Then you can't be occupyin' the place.

Let me see that! (Grabs the order.) I don't understand. This is dated a week ago.

Pam: Yeah well, we had a couple other houses to demolish first.

No, I mean it got approved before I even scheduled the final inspection. How can they issue a demolition order before they've seen the final inspection report?

Pam: ...order says we've got to demolish this house.

But you can see it's in excellent condition!

Darla: We call them "underlyin' problems."

Thank you for the vocabulary lesson.

Pam: ...So if you don't mind, we're going to need you to vacate the premises.

No! I refuse to leave my own home!

Julia / Others: (Sophie, Cassandra, Roland, and Barney enter down right, forcing Julia backward into the room.)

You're back!

Julia: That's it! I can't take it anymore! (Runs off down right, her hands still covering her ears. Others cheer.)

So that's the shriek of a banshee!

Lily: Ernie!

I thought I told you to—

Sophie: That’s right! I dropped it when those bad guys shrunk us!

Bad guys? What bad guys?

Sophie: Yes! I remember seeing them!,

And I know who sent them. Julia!

Ernie: You're right, Jo. She did.,

But, Ernie, what made you think our ghosts were inside the locket?

Ernie: Exactly.

So does this mean you believe in ghosts now, Ernie?

Ernie: …Oh, I've got something else for you. (Pulls out the inspection report and hands it to JO.),

(Scans the report.) What's this?

Ernie: …There's no way they'll let this house get demolished now.,

Oh, Ernie. I'm so sorry I didn't believe you.

Sophie: (Holds the locket out to LILY.) Lily, you should have the locket. You're the one who found it in the first place.

(Seeing the locket up close for the first time, JO is shocked. She takes the locket.), Uh, Lily? Where exactly did you find this?

Lily: Oh, it was inside one of the heat registers upstairs. It must have been there a long time. It was all covered with dust.,

This is the locket my grandmother used to wear.

Sophie: Your grandmother? But that doesn't make any sense. Why would there be a picture of me in there?,

(Opens the locket and gasps.) Oh, I remember this picture! My grandmother said it was her little sister! The one I was named after!

Sophie: Sophie's just my nickname, Lily. My real name is Josephine.,

So is mine.

Cassandra: That’s right.

I remember my grandmother wearing that locket every day. It broke her heart when she lost it on her last visit here. She told me she tore this place apart looking for it.

Cassandra: As well as a cloud of gloom hanging over his head. When he inherited the house, he couldn't deal with the constant reminder of his sister's death, so even though he kept it in the family, he locked it up and never went inside.,

And when he died, I inherited it from him.

Cassandra: who would?

Sophie, it must have been your death that started the curse of the Crenshaws.

Sophie: There's a curse because of me?,

I was told that's what my Uncle Ed called it.

Lily: Wow. So it all fits together now.,

All but one thing. Whatever happened to Hal?

Cassandra: Unfortunately, after Sophie died, he never came back here.

Oh, Sophie! I'm so sorry this happened to you!

Lily: Perfect.,

Well, gang, it looks like we're open for business again. Are you ready to get back to work?

Sophie: Aw, do we have to?,

What? Don't you like spooking people?

Cassandra: And the drudgery! Oh, my goodness, the drudgery! It's "Boo!" here and "Boo!" there and "Boo!" in some other darn place after that. I'd forgotten just how tedious it is!,

Oh, gosh. I had no idea you all felt that way.

Ernie: But Jo, you've got to do something to bring in some money. Those bills won't pay themselves.,

I know… I think I'm going to call that travel blogger, Alice in Wanderland. I just had an idea she might like to promote.

Orla: Or malodorous smells? (Eyes BARNEY accusingly.),

Oh no, not at all. In fact, I think you're really going to like it.

Fg 1: Ms. Julia is a very demanding boss,

I'm sure she is. We are not hiring any ghosts

Fg 2: We have really scary sounds (make noises),

I don't think you understand. We have real ghosts. Thanks for stopping by.

Cassandra: …Word has gotten out, and it seems that everyone in the country wants to see if it's for real.,

And you don't miss haunting mortals?

Cassandra: Not at all! I love hospitality work. Meeting new people, entertaining guests. I've never felt so alive! Except when I was actually alive, of course.,

Speaking of guests… (Gestures to the phone.) …don't you think you'd better get back to yours?

Sophie: Oh, Barney!,

Say, I haven't seen Lily all morning. Do you know where she is, Sophie?

Sophie: Not really. All she said was she'd be bringing a special guest.,

Oh, really? I wonder who it could be. (CASSANDRA hangs up the phone as LILY and HAL ENTER DOWN RIGHT. HAL carries a military-style duffel bag.)

Hal: If you’ll have me?

(Grins.) Oh, I think we can find room for you.

Cassandra: Ah, how utterly enchanting! This reminds me of my 1928 romantic drama, To Have and to Hold. Or was it my 1929 romantic comedy, Those Were the Days? I made so many great pictures, it's hard to keep track—,

Um, Sophie? I'm sure you and Hal have a lot of catching up to do. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?

Sophie: Really?,

Yes, of course.

Sophie: Funny you should mention that… (Goes UPSTAGE with HAL to continue their conversation in private.),

(To LILY.) Well, it looks like the ghosts have everything they need to make a go of this place. How would you feel about moving back to California?

Lily: Let's not. This is my home now.,

Don't you miss your old friends?