PSY359: Chapter 5: The Psychology of Interpersonal Attraction

interpersonal attraction

attraction between people

• The degree of liking one has for another individual, usually involving a willingness to spend time together, and generally a positive evaluation of the other individual

Attachment style based on view of self and others

(grid format chart makes more sense)

• Pos sense of self and pos of other ppl = secure attachment

• Neg sense of self + positive sense of others = anxious attachment

• Positive of self, negative view of others = avoidant

• Negative sense of self, negative view of others = disorganized

Propinquity (Proximity) Affect

the affect of physical proximity in developing interpersonal attraction

• People you are most likely to develop interpersonal attraction for are ppl ur most likely to be in close spaces with - ex. meeting in school, or a hobby bc it provides opportunities for interaction and getting to know each other

The Reward Model of Interpersonal Attraction

attraction is more likely with individuals with whom we associate positive reinforcement or positive feelings

• Relates to operant conditioning 

  • We are more likely to repeat behaviours that are rewarded, and less likely to repeat behaviors that are punished 

• In general, If someone is nice and respects you, you’re more likely to be attracted to them, compared to someone who is mean or belittling, bc they leave us feeling more positively (makes better mood, better self esteem, etc)

  • Makes us want to be around them more! 

What attributes of others evoke positive feelings that increase attraction to them?

• Transference (Freud)

• we tend to like individuals with traits that remind us of others whom we also like 

The tendency to map, or transfer, feelings for a person who is known onto someone new who resembles that person in some way

What attributes of others evoke positive feelings that increase attraction to them?

• Culturally valued attributes (Fletcher and Others)

• Education, physical attractiveness

What attributes of others evoke positive feelings that increase attraction to them?

• Personality traits 

• Friendliness, honesty, warmth, kindness, intelligence, a good sense of humor, emotional stability, reliability, ambition, openness, and extraversion

Attraction to those who fulfill needs

• Attitude similarity

• One of the strongest determinants of attraction is perceived similarity, especially similarity in attitudes and overall worldview

  • Perceived similarity increases attraction, and attraction increases perceived similarity

Attraction to those who fulfill needs

• Perceived vs actual similarity in personality traits

Actual vs. Perceived Similarity:

• Objective, tested similarity in personality traits rarely predicts attraction, whereas simply believing you share similar attitudes and worldviews strongly drives initial liking and relationship satisfaction. 

  • Online, this perception is amplified because people tend to project their own traits onto limited profiles.

Psychological need fulfillment

liking tends to individuals who fulfill our needs, especially those of self-esteem, and meaning (meaning making)

• We tend to like people who make us feel good about ourselves (?)

• More likely to develop attraction for: 

  • Ppl we feel psychologically safe and healthy with! 

  • Ppl who dont make us question ourselves or self worth

  • Ppl who fulfill our need to live a meaningful life

  • Ppl who like you back! Reciprocal liking - helps fulfill our self esteem and meaning needs (esp compared to one sided/unrequited)

reciprocal liking

helps fulfill our self esteem and meaning needs (esp compared to one sided/unrequited)

online vs IRL proximity affect

• Dating apps take universally desirable ppl and lock them behind a paywall

  • IRL, everyone has an equal opportunity to talk to someone else (ex. Anyone in a class can talk to anyone in a class basically equally easily) - very democratic! 

Attraction to those who fulfill needs
Complementary Qualities:

•  "Opposites attract" only works when dissimilar traits balance each other out rather than create conflict. 

  • For instance, an extraverted partner can naturally help an introverted partner handle social events without competing for the same social role.

Attraction to those who fulfill needs

Self-Evaluation Maintenance Model:

• This model states that a partner's success boosts your self-esteem when it occurs in a domain unrelated to your identity, but threatens it if you compete in the exact same field. 

  • Relationships flourish when each person excels in different areas, allowing both to feel proud without feeling outshined.

• Norm of reciprocity extends to liking

• Being liked is a strong initial factor in attraction

• People are more likely to like someone who likes them

• People anticipate rewards from those who like them well

Self-esteem benefits…

when people are liked by others

Attraction to those who fulfill needs

flattery

• Humans often like people—and sometimes computers—who flatter them

• Flattery is not always effective if an ulterior motive is obvious

• Compliments and liking increase attraction more if the person giving them out

• seems discriminating

Attraction to those who fulfill needs

• Gain-loss theory (Aronson and Linder)

• In some contexts, a compliment from a stranger or someone who has never complimented a person is more potent that a compliment from a friend or spouse

• Criticism will have a similar impact

physical attractiveness

why is it important

• Is first attribute by which a person is identified and evaluated

• Contributes to s*xual appeal

• Is influenced by culture

• May contribute to more positive evaluation when partner is more physically attractive (Sigall and Landy)

what is physical attractiveness

perceived sexual and aesthetic appeal general predicts liking

aesthetic appeal

• - ex. the shape of their face, features that are balanced or consistent, skin texture, etc.

sexual appeal

• ex. physically fit bodies, narrow waist, muscles, broad shoulders, tall; hips, curves etc.

physical atrractivness is Generally predictive of liking, meaning ____

• you may find someone who is unconventionally attractive still appealing in these ways! You just may have tastes that do not align with cultural normative standards 

Associative attractiveness

•  individuals are rated more attractive when in the presence of other attractive individuals 

  • In a study they would put a pic of a guy with two diff women, one good looking one unattractive

    • Ppl rated him more attractive when he was with the attractive woman vs when with the unattractive woman!

• The Allure of “Average” Faces

Basically: the more “average” a face was, made by using more faces, the more attractive, healthy and good mating potential they were perceived as

Symmetry is also attractive in faces

Gender differences in what is attractive

both men and women

men: signs of fertility

• Both men and women

  • Equally and highest ratings to kindness, dependability, a good sense of humor, and a pleasant disposition

• Men: Signs of fertility

  • Younger partner, large eyes, small noes, small chin, full lips combined with features that signal maturity

• High-status attributes in a given culture are often viewed as more attractive

Examples?

• Skin tones

• Body size and weight

• Current motivational state of having or not having resources (men); less critical for women

Gender differences in sexual attitudes and Behaviours: What People Say

MEN

• Casual sex outside committed relationship

• Cannot wait to lose virginity; mixed feelings for one-third

• Regret not pursuing sex

• Want to begin sex sooner, more often

Gender differences in sexual attitudes and Behaviours: What People Say

WOMEN

• Sex as part of emotionally intimate relationship

• Ambivalent about sex; looking for one-third

• Less likely to regret not pursuing sex

• • Want sex later, less often

• Most frequently endorsed motives for sex among college- student and community samples (Cooper and colleagues):

• • Enhancing physical or emotional pleasure

• • Fostering intimacy

• • Affirming sense of self-worth

• • Coping with negative emotions

• • Gaining partner or peer approval

• Proximity Affect // Intersection frequency

• Reflects how often you encounter (directly or otherwise) another person online

• The ppl we interact with tend to be one to two degrees relative to ur primary ties on social networks!

• If you see someone in online spaces, like games, discussions, etc at the same time, you still get the proximity effect even if you’re from around the world!

Proximity: Anticipated Ongoing Interaction Online

• One reason proximity in real life promotes attraction is that the person's nearness makes you expect—and, thus, anticipate—future interaction

selective self-preservation

• synchronous online communication allows for editing 

  • In F2F, you dont get this!

how similarity percentage illusion changes online vs irl

more similar = more attractive!

• When you meet someone online with limited profile details, discovering a single shared trait creates a temporary illusion of 100% similarity because you know nothing else about them. 

• In face-to-face settings, you instantly observe many other traits and differences, which dilutes that overall percentage of shared attitudes. 

in a study of how people measure popularity from online profile affecting interpersonal attraction,

•  Besides being judged as more popular, the “popular” profile owners were also thought to be more socially and physically attractive, more approachable, and more extraverted

  • Instead of a person's looks influencing our judgment of many other traits the person might have, we see online measures of popularity influencing our judgment about look

reiprocal self-disclosure

• If you tell me something about yourself, I'll tell you something about me

  • Over time, the exchange deepens and the two people disclose more and more information to one another

problems with self-disclosure

• For example, if you share too much, too soon or do so in a setting that seems inappropriate, you risk violating the social norms that dictate this type of behavior

• Do people disclose more about themselves online than they do face-to-face?

• But several experimental studies confirm that people are more inclined toward self-disclosure in certain online environments compared with face-to-face setting

  • The evidence is mixed, partly due to the fact that, in many studies, respondents indicate that they share more intimate conversations offline, usually with close friends

individuals communicating online disclosed more personal information about themselves compared with those who met face-to-face

—> WHY?

• These findings were especially true for subjects that were visually anonymous and unable to see one another through webcams

• Recall: A feeling of anonymity can lead to more disinhibition

what is the Joseph Walther hyperpersonal model

• Basic model of communication 

• Think of the channels and modes of feedback ! 

• Basic model - there is a sender and receiver of a message

  • In F2F, the receiver gets the message and sends feedback- switching the roles! IRL, this is effortless! 

  • In ONLINE, w/o synchronous comm, the role of sender and receiver and exaggerated! 

    • So getting feedback serves as reinforcement for liking that person!

• Selective self-preservation - Asynchronous online communication allows for editing 

  • In F2F, you dont get this!

---

label computer-mediated communication relationships that are more intimate than romances or friendships would be if partners were physically together in real life

four aspects the hyperpersonal model of communication is impacted by

(1) senders; (2) receivers; (3) channels; and (4) feedback

selective self-presentation

(of senders)

people who meet online have an opportunity to make and sustain an overwhelmingly positive impression

• Example: In the movie You’ve Got Mail (1998), Joe (Tom Hanks) and Kathleen (Meg Ryan) are virtual friends but would have detested one another in real life

Over-attribution of similarity:

(of receivers)

our tendency is to observe people and to infer from their behavior what type of person they are

• In computer-mediated communication, we can easily leap from the little bit of information we have about another individual to judgments about who they are

  • We create an idealized image of the sender 

Over-Attribution in the hyperpersonal model

• In the absence of cues that focus on the individual, we assume that our virtual partner is like us or like the group

  • Hence, we create an excessively positive, idealized image of the other online (social identity-deindividuation—SIDE)

  • With an excessively positive image of the other, plus anticipation of future interaction, we form a hyperpersonal relationship with our virtual partner

how the channel of hyperpersonal model affects communication asynchronously

• we can plan, contemplate and edit more mindfully than in spontaneous talk (senders)

• And the messages we are sending may be read at a time when the other is especially receptive to the messages (receivers)

Self-fulfilling prophecy & the hyperpersonal model

•  is the tendency for a person’s expectation of the other to evoke a response from them that confirms what he/she anticipated

  • The hyperpositive image is fed back to the other, creating the computer-mediated communication equivalent of the looking glass self (the idea that a person’s self grows out of a person´s social interactions with others)

  • The person perceived to be wonderful starts acting that way

homophilly

 a high degree of similarity between individuals who form social ties 

• Homo = somogenous = equal/same

• Philia attracted 

• We have a preference for organizing ourselves into social networks that are reflective of our self concept

Increased Access to Triggers

• Online platforms provide constant access to a partner's activities, exposing users to ambiguous triggers that provoke jealousy and can be monitored undetected.

hyperpersonal model (simple)

• its affect on self disclosure

• favorability bias and over attribution

• Creates a feedback loop!

  • There is a sender —-- channel —--- receiver

  • Receiver —-- sends message through channel —----- sender

• We over attribute and have a favorability bias to feedback that aligns with our own goals and ideas!

• In F2F it takes time to get to know someone and become comfortable with self disclosure

  • But with a hyperpersonal accelerated feedback loop, the road to disinhibition for self disclosure is shorter!

  • More likely to communicate things that are more intimate or vulnerable

  • Self disclosure = intimacy! 

• Is problematic bc can cause idealized version of what this relationship is in acc F2F! 

Heightened Insecurity

Time spent on social media directly correlates with increased feelings of jealousy and jealous behaviors, driving insecure partners to engage in frequent surveillance.

Study of Post-Breakup Facebook Surveillance affect

Impaired Post-Breakup Recovery: Social media hinders emotional healing after a breakup, as 57% of exes remain Facebook friends, and over 90% retain access to each other's photos, comments, and updates.

Impact of "Facebook Creeping"

• Frequently checking an ex-partner's profile or friend list leads to greater emotional distress and makes moving on significantly harder, even if the ex has been unfriended.