Key points from Patterson (Prof Dev)

crucial conversation

conversation where:

• the stake are high

• people have different opinions

• strong emotions are involved

• goal: maintain dialogue: free exchange of meaning rather than moving into silence or violence

Path to action

see/hear→tell a story→feel→act

• other person’s behavior does not directly create your emotions

• you interpret what happened and create a story about it→influences your emotions and behavior

master your stories

when emotions are strong, don’t automatically assume your interpretation is the truth

1. notice your behavior

2. idenitfy your feelings

3. analyze your story

4. get back to the facts

behavior→feelings→story→facts

clever stories

• victim story→actor (its not my fault)

• villain story→human (its your fault)

• helpless story→able (nothing i can do)

tell the rest of the story

• useful story includes info that clever stories leave out

• goal: recgonize your role in the situation, consider other people’s possible motives

• identify what you actually want

• consider what you can chose to do differently

State MY Path

• S: share your facts

• T: Tell your story

• A: ask for others’ paths

• T: talk tentatively

• E: encourage testing

skilled communicators combine:

• confidence

• humility

• skill

“I have something to say + I might be wrong + I know how to say it

Silence vs Violence

• silence: withholding meaning, avoiding, masking

• violence: forcing meaning on others through controlling, attacking, or disrespectful behavior

• Goal: not to suppress emotions