TPO Act 1 Scene 2

IN THE HEART OF SOHO THE BANDIT MACK THE KNIFE CELEBRATES HIS MARRIAGE TO POLLY PEACHUM, DAUGHTER OF THE "BEGGAR'S BIG BROTHER."

MATT (Enters, pistol in hand): Hands up! - if anybody's here!

MACHEATH (Entering): Is anybody here?

POLLY: But - it's a stable!

MACHEATH: Polly, rest for a moment on this barrel. (Places her on barrel). On this day, in this stable, is about to take place my marriage to Miss Polly Peachum, who out of love for me, has followed me, and sworn to be mine for the rest of her life.

POLLY: But you can't be thinking of having our wedding here! It's a common stable! How can you invite the minister to a stable? And it's not even ours. Mackie, we shouldn't be starting our new life together with a house-breaking. This is supposed to be the most beautiful day of all.

MACHEATH: My dear, my dearest one, all shall be exactly as you would have it. Your tiny foot shall not touch a single bare stone. At this very moment I believe I hear the furnishings arriving.

MATT: Decorations this way! (Sound outside of wagons unloading. BOB THE SAW; WALT DREARY and CROOKFINGER JAKE enter, carrying furniture, dishes, etc. The stable is. made over into a fancy drawing room)

MACHEATH: Junk. (MATT and MACHEATH exchange a look. MACHEATH takes POLLY's arm, leads her to STAGE RIGHT, where there is presumably a window)

MACHEATH: Polly, I think there's a moon over Dock Street. Come look.

JAKE: Wish you the best of luck, 14 Ginger Street. Had to smoke out a family on the second floor.

MACHEATH: Amateurs.

WALT (Carrying on a huge candelabra): Wish you the best of luck. We were perfect gentlemen, but three characters in Barclay Square will be seen no more.

MACHEATH: Bunglers and apes.

JAKE (Comes on again, this time carrying an enormous painting of a nude): One old cavalier went flat on his face and didn't get up. It may be serious. Luck again.

MACHEATH: My orders were: avoid violence. I get sick when I think of it. You'll never make professionals. Gorillas — but never professionals!

POLLY (Crying): All those poor people, because of some furniture!

MACHEATH: And what furniture! You are quite right to be upset. I don't suppose there's a table?

WALT (A fully equipped banquet table is revealed): Here you are - table!

MATT: - and straight from St. James's Club.

MACHEATH (Seeing POLLY cry): My wife is thoroughly upset. How often does it happen that I get married? (WALT starts a derisive laugh) Shut up! How often does it happen, I ask you, that I leave anything to you? You have made my wife unhappy at the very outset.

JAKE: Dearest Polly —

MACHEATH (Knocks his hat off): "Dearest Polly"! I'll cram that "Dearest Polly" down your craw. Who's calling her "Dearest Polly" around here? Maybe you slept with her, too?

WALT: Dear madam, if there's any few little things you want, we can go out again -

MACHEATH: Polly, as the bride, what do you think?

POLLY: I guess it could be a lot worse.

MACHEATH: A painting, a pincushion, and the wedding guests sit on the ground.

POLLY: Yes, wouldn't that be something!

MACHEATH (Sharply): Saw the legs off the piano! Come on, get to work!

WALT: Dear madam, everything's got a happy ending; so here you are - one more chair!

MACHEATH: Might I ask the gentlemen to make some sartorial effort? (The men look at him with blank lack of understanding) The flowers! (They dive into a barrel and each one places a huge yellow flower into their costume) May I remind you this is not the wedding of just ANYBODY. And Polly, might I ask you to preside over the refreshments?

POLLY: Is that the wedding supper? Is it all stolen goods, Mackie?

MACHEATH: But naturally.

POLLY: I'm wondering what you would do, if there was a knock on the door and the Police Commissioner walked in?

MACHEATH: Then you would see what your husband is made of.

MATT (Carries on a tremendous champagne bottle): Captain, with your permission.

MACHEATH (Beckons to POLLY. MATT fills their glasses with champagne: Polly, if you please.

MATT: With your permission, Captain: On this, the most beautiful day of your lives, in the springtime flood of your career, as it were, so to say, its crossroads, we wish to offer you our most heartfelt and fervent wishes for a long, and a happy, and a so forth and a so on. You know, this kind of talk makes me throw up. Happy nights, old pal!

MACHEATH: Thank you, Matthew, that was very nice.

MATT: And I mean it from the heart. Keep it up high, you old roue. (The men laugh) What I mean to say: Never let a thing go down that ought to stand up. (The men laugh even louder. Suddenly MACHEATH lunges toward MATI, throws him to the door)

MACHEATH: Knock it off. Tell your dirty jokes to your girl Kitty, she's the right bitch for them.

MATT: I do not like your calling Kitty a bitch. (Stands determined)

MACHEATH: Oh, you don't like it, eh?

JAKE: Now wait a minute. This is a wedding.

MACHEATH: A fine wedding, what, Polly? Putting up with these sewer rats on your wedding day.

MATT: Maybe that's a dirty joke too, huh, Cap'n?

MACHEATH: All right. I didn't mean to lose my temper on this solemn day.