Not Yours to Carry: Participant Workbook & Emergency Reset Guide

Comprehensive vocabulary flashcards covering the core concepts, research data, lanes of power, the RESET framework, and emergency reset strategies from the Not Yours to Carry participant workbook.

The Heart of the Workshop

The core principle that peace does not require every circumstance to change, but begins when we stop demanding power over what was never ours to control and reclaim responsibility for what is.

Parental Overwhelm Rate (2023)

$48\%$ of parents reported that most days their stress felt completely overwhelming (U.S. Surgeon General / APA, 2023 data).

Mental Illness Prevalence in U.S. Adult Women (2022)

$26.4\%$ of U.S. adult women experienced any mental illness in the past year, according to NIMH (2022).

Depression Medication Rate in U.S. Women (2023)

$15.3\%$ of U.S. women took prescription medication for depression in 2023 (CDC/NCHS, published 2025).

Female Suicide Rate (2023)

$5.9$ female suicide deaths per $100{,}000$ people in 2023 (CDC, 2023).

Diagnosed Developmental Disability Trend (2019–2021)

The share of U.S. children ages 3–17 with any diagnosed developmental disability increased from $7.40\%$ to $8.56\%$, with the increase driven largely by 'other developmental delay' while autism and intellectual-disability estimates did not significantly change.

Caregiver Coordination Time Burden

Nearly 2 in 3 children with functional limitations had a caregiver spending weekly time providing or coordinating care.

Caregiver Medical Bill Hardship Rate

About 1 in 3 children with functional limitations had a caregiver reporting problems paying medical bills in the past year.

Medical Hardship in Special Health Care Needs

$15.6\%$ of children with special health care needs experienced medical hardship, compared to $7.3\%$ of other children (HRSA/MCHB).

"What the research asks of us"

A call to not tell caregivers to simply be stronger, but to help them locate respite, reliable information, early intervention, financial resources, and people who understand.

Internal Plate Scale

A 1 to 10 self-rating check-in used to measure internal capacity, where $1 = \text{I have room to breathe}$ and $10 = \text{Everything feels urgent}$.

"Notice, do not judge"

The understanding that an unloaded list of concerns is not proof of failure, but proof that the mind has been trying to protect, remember, predict, and respond to many things at once.

Control (Lane of Power)

The domain comprising my actions, words, boundaries, attention, preparation, choices, and next step.

Influence (Lane of Power)

The domain where one can ask, invite, communicate, prepare, or support, but cannot guarantee the response.

Release (Lane of Power)

The domain comprising other people's choices, timing, the past, a diagnosis, the weather, and outcomes one cannot command.

"The aha moment"

The core insight that influence is not control, caring is not commanding, preparation is not a guarantee, and peace grows when responsibility has a boundary.

RESET Method

A 5-step somatic and cognitive framework designed to create space for a wiser response when the body sounds an internal alarm.

Recognize the alarm (RESET Step 1)

Naming physical or emotional sensations such as a tight chest, racing thoughts, anger, numbness, or urgency.

Exhale slowly (RESET Step 2)

Lengthening the exhale through four gentle breaths without forcing calm.

Separate facts from fear (RESET Step 3)

Asking three discerning questions: "What do I know?", "What am I predicting?", and "What needs action now?"

Engage your lane (RESET Step 4)

Categorizing the stressor into control, influence, or release, and choosing to focus only on what belongs to you.

Take one next step (RESET Step 5)

Choosing a single, concrete, manageable action, such as one call, one boundary, one glass of water, or one request for help.

60-Second Emergency Reset

A grounding routine: feet down, unclench jaw, four slow exhales, name five things you see, and choose one next step.

5-Minute Emergency Reset

A short pause protocol: step away safely, drink water, silence notifications, pray or breathe, write the facts, and ask for one need.

30-Minute Emergency Reset

An extended decompression protocol: turn off the ringer, take a shower or short walk, watch or listen to something that brings healthy laughter, and rest without solving.

Boundary

Clarity about what you can give, do, or hold, functioning as self-protection and clear communication rather than punishment.

Seven-Day Practice Sequence

A daily release regimen: Day 1 Notice, Day 2 Sort, Day 3 Reset, Day 4 Boundary, Day 5 Disconnect, Day 6 Connect, and Day 7 Reflect.

Emergency Hotlines (United States)

Call or text $988$ in the U.S. if you may harm yourself or someone else, or call $911$ for immediate danger.