Fantastic Mr. Fox

SMALL FOX ONE. Your turn. Come on!

SMALL FOX TWO (throwing dice). Six. I move six places - one, two, three, four,

five, six. (They peer at the board.) Hooray! I'm winning.

SMALL FOX ONE. My turn. (Throws the dice and loses it. They scramble about

after it.) It's under your foot!

SMALL FOX TWO. Look out! It's rolled into the corner. Look!

SMALL FOX ONE. Mom, how soon do you think we'll be able to go out with Dad on his expeditions?

SMALL FOX TWO. Do you think it will be soon, Mom? I'd love to see the inside

of Boggis' chicken house.

MR. FOX. It will never grow again. I shall be without a tail for the rest of my life.

SMALL FOX TWO. Everyone will know you lost it, Dad, and think how brave you are.

MRS. FOX. Hmm. (she is doubtful.) Well, I’ve done my best. We must give it time to heal now. Come on, children, time to go to bed. And you, my darling, must get some sleep, too. We’ll think about it all in the morning. (she turns out the light.) Goodnight. (She climbs into bed besides MR. FOX.)

SMALL FOXES. Goodnight.

SMALL FOX ONE (with raised fists). I’m ready for them.

SMALL FOX TWO. Don’t be a twerp! We’d never stand a chance. They really mean it this time.

MRS. FOX. Keep going, my dears. We’ll soon be safe. Follow your fathers stump.

SMALL FOX TWO (pausing). The noise doesn’t sound so loud.

MR. FOX. Hold it! (he listens). Phew! I think we’ve done it. They’ll never get as deep as this. Well done, everyone!

SMALL FOXES. Phew!

SMALL FOX ONE. Three long days and three long nights, we’ve been here. How long can we hold out?

SMALL FOX TWO. I keep dreaming about chicken, luscious and plump… and then I wake up.

MR. FOX (carefully). I’ve just had a bit of an idea.

SMALL FOXES. What? Oh, Dad, what is it?

MR. FOX. Because it means more digging and we aren’t any of us strong enough for that after three days and nights without food.

SMALL FOX TWO (reviving). Yes we are, Dad.

MR. FOX. I… I suppose we could give it a try.

SMALL FOXES. Let’s go, Dad. /Tell us what you want us to do.

SMALL FOX ONE. Dad, I wish you would tell us where we’re going.

SMALL FOX TWO. Just one clue!

SMALL FOX ONE. White ones… (He, points.) … brown ones, black ones, spotty ones, big ones, littler ones…

SMALL FOX TWO. If only old Boggis knew, he'd turn purple with rage.

SMALL FOX ONE. How can we carry all these back?

SMALL FOX TWO. Shall we catch as many as we can?

MR. BADGER. Stop! Don’t tease me. I can’t stand it.

SMALL FOX TWO. It’s true. Dad’s not teasing. We’ve got chickens galore.

MR. FOX. Right, Badger, old chap. We go this way. (He points away.) Nose down and dig!  If I am not mistaken, Badger… (He whispers.) … we are now underneath the farm which belongs to Bunce. We are, in fact, directly underneath the most interesting part of that farm. 

SMALL FOX TWO. Ducks and geese. Juicy tender ducks and big ‘ole geese.

MR. FOX. My goodness me,  you’re right. What a thoughtful little fox you are. Take a bunch of carrots.

SMALL FOX TWO. And there’s some turnips over there, and I’ll get those lettuces. 

MR. FOX. And now, we shall have to borrow from our friend Bunce one of those useful crates over in the corner. Can you load it up, children, please. Thank you. (To SMALL FOX ONE and TWO.) Now, my darlings, take the crate and run back as fast as you can. Get ready- we are having guests for dinner - the Badgers, the Moles, the Rabbits and the Weasels. The rest of us will be home as soon as we’ve done one more little job.

SMALL FOXES (still filling up the crate). Yes, Dad. /Nearly finished!

MR. RABBIT. Really, Mrs. Fox, I don’t know what we’d have done without this feast. We were almost starved to death. (At one table, SMALL FOX TWO starts to sing.)

SMALL FOX ONE, TWO, and SMALL BADGER

Oh, Boggis, Bunce, and Bean,

On squat, one short, one lean,

Those horrible crooks,

So different in looks,

Were nonetheless equally mean.

MR. RABBIT (standing and raising his mug). A toast. I want you all to stand and drink a toast to our dear friend who has saved our lives this day - Mr. Fox.

ALL. To Mr. Fox! (They stand and raise their glasses.) To Mr. Fox! Long may he live!

MR. FOX (standing). This delicious meal, my friends, is by courtesy of Misters Boggis, Bunce, and Bean. (All cheer and laugh.) And I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have! But now, my friends, let us be serious. Let us think of tomorrow and the next day and the days after that. If we go out, we will be taken. Right?

ALL. Right!

MR. FOX. And you know what this means? It means that none of us need ever go out into the open again! (ALL mutter in agreement.) I therefore invite you all to stay here with us forever.

ALL. Forever! My goodness! How marvelous!