R&J Act 2, Scene 4

Mercutio
Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation

to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit

fairly last night.

Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

MERCUTIO

The ship, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?

Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in

such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

MERCUTIO

That's much to say

O single-soled jest, solely singular for the

singleness.

MERCUTIO

Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.

Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match.

MERCUTIO

Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have

done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of

thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five:

was I with you there for the goose?

Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast

not there for the goose.

MERCUTIO

I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

Nay, good goose, bite not.

MERCUTIO

Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most

sharp sauce.

And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?

MERCUTIO

O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:

for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and

meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.

Here's goodly gear!

Nurse

Out upon you! what a lady are you!

One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to

mar.

Nurse

By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,'

quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I

may find the young Romeo?

I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when

you have found him than he was when you sought him:

I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.

BENVOLIO

She will indite him to some supper.

MERCUTIO

A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!

What hast thou found?

MERCUTIO
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll

to dinner, thither.

I will follow you.

Nurse

Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy

merchant was this, that was so full of her ropery?

A gentlewoman, nurse, that loves to hear herself talk,

and will speak more in a minute than she will stand

to in a month.

Nurse
truly it were an ill thing to be offered

to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.

Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I

protest unto thee--

Nurse

Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much:

Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.

Nurse

I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as

I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.

Bid her devise

Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;

And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell

Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.

Nurse

No truly sir; not a penny.

Go to; I say you shall.

Nurse

This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.

And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:

Within this hour my man shall be with thee

And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;

Which to the high top-gallant of my joy

Must be my convoy in the secret night.

Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:

Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.

Nurse

Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.

What say'st thou, my dear nurse?

Nurse

Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,

Two may keep counsel, putting one away?

I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.

NURSE
Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?

Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.

Nurse

Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for

the--No; I know it begins with some other

letter:--and she hath the prettiest sententious of

it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good

to hear it.

Commend me to thy lady.