Peter And The Starcatcher - Peter

First Line

When I was a boy, I wished I could fly.

SCOTT

So did I!

Out the window and over the trees-

MOLLY

-then loop the loop and up to the stars! I dreamed about flying all the time.

(beat)

What? Girls dream

Up to the stars - I like that.

ASTER

It always happens. Nothing is forever.

That's the rule.

TED

Friendless? You mean like -

Leave me alone!

GREMPKIN

Orphans! Most useless creatures on earth. Look at'em-

SLANK

-cast out by mothers who can't feed 'em or love 'em.

No mothers at St. Norbert's, only schoolmasters.

STACHE

And so it was, on the brink of a new adventure-

- that three filthy orphans-

MRS. BUMBRAKE

- and her nanny, Mrs. Bumbrake -

TOURNEYED AT DAWN TO THE DOCKS OF PORTSMOUTH!

TED

There's nobody who cares.

Which is why I hate, I hate, I hate grown-ups!

NARRATOR SLANK

Just then, the crate of boys bursts open!

One of the boys almost falls out!

NARRATOR MOLLY

Hanging upside down just over Molly's head!

He stares at her.

NARRATOR MOLLY

She stares at him.

He has an air about him.

ALF

If it ain't the three little piggies! Got ter sea-legs?

Get us out of here!

TED

You said you wouldn't eat it!

YOU! WAIT!

ALF

Ha! So do I.

(softens)

I know worms is rough vittels, boys, but they'll grease the pipes 'til we set yer down in Rundoon.

A question, mister?

ALF

One.

Do we have to stay down here in the dark?

ALF

'Til Slank hands ye over to King Zarboff.

Is the King nice to his helpers?

PRENTISS

I'm the leader, and I say we got some things.

He's not the leader.

MOLLY

You.

You.

MOLLY

How old are you?

How old are you?

MOLLY

I'm thirteen.

I'm thirteen.

MOLLY

Wait - I just remembered today's my birthday. I'm fifteen.

If you were thirteen and today's your birthday, you'd be fourteen.

MOLLY

Just tell me your names.

Why should we?

MOLLY

And what are you, boy?

Leave me alone.

MOLLY

What's so funny?

Thanks, Ted.

PRENTISS Been orphan'd too long to remember.

TED

-Grempkin calls him -

TED, PRENTISS

- mule!

Go on! You and your stupid names go follow some stupid girl.

TED

Right. Follow mother -

Molly.

TED

That's what I said. Follow Molly.

The boy may have wished to be alone, but he didn't really mean it. The sparkle in his eyes fades, and strange sounds in the dark make him remember the orphanage, make him think about-

GREMPKIN

WHERE'S THAT MULE!!

Here, sir.

GREMPKIN

(grabs the BOY by thescruff of the neck)

You are all shades of nasty, mule. Oi - lookit this filth!

Don't hit me, sir! Cesspit's dirty work!

GREMPKIN

A mule afraid of his own shadow. Be a man!

Thank you, Mr. Grempkin

NARRATOR SMEE

And even with so little ground for hope-

- Still he believed -

NARRATOR TED

-that one day such a home would be his.

Home.

GREMPKIN

Orphan Rule Number One!

Life is meant to be horrible.

GREMPKIN

Rule Number Two!

There are no orphans in heaven.

GREMPKIN

Rule Number Three!

Missus Grempkin's ugly!

GREMPKIN

Anyone who laughs is dead!

Mother. Mother...

PRENTISS

I can ask whatever I want. I'm the leader.

Lay off, Prentiss.

(To MOLLY)

C'mon, you have to tell.

MOLLY

Alright, listen. My father is going to Rundoon on a secret mission for the Queen.

What's a mission?

TED

"Pork" - beautiful word.

(A different, louder bell si heard, outside Slank's cabin.)

There's the ringing again -

MOLLY

No, it's coming from someplace else.

Behind this door.

MOLLY

Get away, Boy! Don't open that cabin!

(The BOY opens it anyway. The horrible ship's cat flies gently out, floating, lighter than air, gurgling andcooing sweetly.)

Holy -

MOLLY

Sorry. Sorry I didn't mean to -

Tell you what. You say "sorry" so easy, like the rough patch's smoothed over, no hard feelings and everything's fixed. Well, no. There's dark... a mass of darkness in the world, and if you get trapped in that cave like us, it beats you down. "Sorry" can't fix it. Better to say nothing than "sorry."

(hearing his mother's song, far away)

When it's night, and I'm too scared to sleep, I look through the cracks, y'know?- between the wood nailed over the window - and I see all those little stars that I can't reach, and I think that in a hundred years, or two or three hundred maybe, boys'll be free and life'll be so beautiful that nobody'll ever say "sorry" again-'cuz nobody'll have to. I think about that a lot.

PRENTISS

Well, that's more than he said in the last thirteen years.

So, bedtime stories? Not a big priority, okay?

MOLLY

And, as the Princess slept, a thick forest grew up around the castle, keeping everybody out. Everybody but one man. Boys?

(nearly asleep)

The Prince, right?

MOLLY

(ecstatic at the responsibility)

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir! Cwa-cwah! Cwa-cwah! Vreeeep!

What are you doing?

MOLLY

Sorry, what? Um - get below, boy. fI Slank sees you on deck, he'll rear up like the -

You were talking to your neck-thing.

MOLLY

No, I wasn't.

I know what I saw.

MOLLY

Well, there was... there was a porpoise swimming alongside the ship, and it was making those funny noises that porpoises make, and I thought I'd make some funny noises too, that's all.

So you were talking to a fish.

MOLLY

Porpoises are not fish. They're mammals, just like you. Or Germans.

Then how come your neck-thing glows and rings all by itself?

MOLLY

(not very convincing)

It's for swimming. I'm a good swimmer. It's a swimming medal.

Right. Swimming. Sure. And what's starstuff?

MOLLY

Decision. I'm going to trust you.

Why? I'm just a boy.

MOLLY

I know. Pity.

(remembers the boy's "sorry" manifesto, looks at the sky)

You like to look at the stars? Well, there they are-

There's so many...

MOLLY

They look safe, don't they, sparkling up there like diamonds.

I like when they shoot across the sky! Shoom!

MOLLY

(suddenly very like her father)

Sometimes pieces of them fall to earth - little bits that look like sand. Can you keep a secret?

I can.

MOLLY

Those little bits are starstuff. The trunk in Slank's cabin is full of it.

(grabs her amulet)

There's some in here too, in case I'm ever in trouble.

(tries to touch the amulet)

Starstuff?? Lemme see!!

MOLLY

NO!!

(pulls the amulet away)

It changes people if they touch it.

How?

MOLLY

Different ways - depending on what they want to be.

So if somebody gets their hands on this starstuff and -

MOLLY

-and they'reevil and greedy like Genghis Khan, or they're hungry for world domination like Caesar or Napoleon or, you know, Ayn Rand -

Who's that?

MOLLY

Uch, didn't you learn anything at that orphanage?

Was kinda busy trying not to die.

MOLLY

Oh.

So if starstuff's so dangerous, why're you after it?

MOLLY

I'm a Starcatcher. We have special powers that we use in secret - to keep starstuff away from tyrants who try to rule the world.

You mean, like Queen Victoria?

MOLLY

God Save Her. And no, that's different. She doesn't need starstuff to rule the world. She's British.

So you're a - what is it?

MOLLY

Starcatcher. There's only six and a half of us on the planet.

Six and a half?

MOLLY

I'm still an apprentice.

Okay, so prove it.

MOLLY

What?

Go on, amaze me with your special powers.

MOLLY

This is not a magic show. I'm not like some magician guy.

Well, I mean if you can't actually do anything...

MOLLY

Fine, whatever.

(then)

To have faith is to have wings.

Whoa.

MOLLY

Satisfied?

So the cat was flying. C'mon, I wanna fly too! Like you and the cat!

MOLLY

Get serious, will you?! The starstuff has to be destroyed.

You want me to destroy it?

MOLLY

Don't be ridiculous. My father is going to throw it into the world's hottest active volcano - Mount Jalapeño.

Where's that?

MOLLY

Rundoon, wouldn't you know it. Problem is, King Zarboff would kill for even a thimble of starstuff!

Hey I can help! See, I'm gonna be the king's new helper so when we get to Rundoon I'll just ask him

MOLLY

You're ' not going to be his helper. You're going to be snake food! Zarboff likes to buy orphans and feed them to his snakes!

So Grempkin lied.

MOLLY

King Zarboff theThird is evil - he's the worst Zarboff yet!

Grown-ups always lie! It's all they ever do!

MOLLY

You want to help? Then help me get that trunk to my father!

Hey, you know what? Forget it! Why should I help anybody?? WHAT'S ANYBODY EVER DONE FOR ME??

SLANK

You!

Snake-food? Really?

SLANK

I told you to stay in yer crate, orphan sludge.

When exactly were you gonna tell us we were-

SLANK

That's it. Bill Slank isdrawin' the line! Imay not have been born with asilver spoon up me bum, but that don't mean I won't stir my tea with one!

MOLLY

Ew.

That's gross.

SLANK

He ain't goin below, he's goin over!

Let go! Lemme go!

NARRATOR ALF

Strong gusts blowing, wind's hit 43 knots!

I HATE GROWN-UPS!

SLANK

Make like a kitten - take a long, long time todrown! Bottom's up, boy!

Not overboard! Please! I can't-

SLANK

Can't what?

SWIM!

MOLLY

Backstroke is my event, and I do so like to finish first. I win more medals at school than anyone, except for Daphne Cooper - but Daphne Cooper's a swot.

(kicks the BOY in the side)

Deep breaths. There we go.

You saved my life.

MOLLY

Of course.

Why?

MOLLY

Because I'm the leader.

But you don't even like me.

MOLLY

The leader can't go about saving only the people she likes.

The leader has to be a boy.

MOLLY

Only if the boy knows there's more important things in this world than saving his own neck.

Like what?

MOLLY

Like saving someone else's.

SLANK

They figured out Iswapped the trunks!

Slank!

SLANK

BRING ME THE BRANDING IRON

The boy spins the ship's wheel for everything he's worth!

Slank: He's changed our course!

STRAIGHT FOR THE WASP!

MRS. BUMBRAKE

HEY! Cut the canoodling! Igotta grabthe girl, get it!?!

(instantly all flirty again) But do come with.

(ALF, MRS. BUMBRAKE, and the cabin are gone.)

Wind 5 knots! Strong gale, rolling seas, blowing spray!

MOLLY

You! Boy! You turned us around so the Wasp could catch us!

Pretty cheeky, huh?

Molly: He did something big, Prentiss.

I could do more.

Prentiss: We should definitely wait here. We'll be safer.

There's more important things in this world than saving your own neck.

Prentiss and Ted: Like what?

Like helping Molly.

Narrators: A whole ship half'd!!

free

Molly: Help, boy! I need more time to get to the Queen's trunk to my father!

Don't worry! I'll stall the pirates!

(sits on the trunk )

Some crazy weather, huh?

Stache: What are you?

What are you?

Pirates: BLACK STACHE

Never heard o' you:

Stache: Liar! The stache is on everyones lips. Why, is that the queens trunk your sitting on?

Oh yeah, Queen's trunk, totally. Molly Aster told me to protect it.