Rock of Ages Sherrie

In the tiny, hillside hamlet of Paola, Kansas.

This is so unexpected…First I’d like to thank my director, my captain, Mr. Spielberg…I salute you! And of course to my co-stars Corey and Corey, I love you both. We did it! And yes, last but certainly not least, I have to thank my parents who were always so…so…

Where are you going, whatcha looking for?

Mom, I have to.

You know those boys don’t want to play no more with you?

I’ll be fine. It’s my dream!

It’s true

Why don’t you believe in me?

And what will the “big star” do for money?

I’ll get a job until I make it big.

Sherrie, this is your home!

I gotta go.

Harold?!

Fine!

You’ll be alright tonight

I mean, come on! Is this city amazing or what?!

And syphilis has ravaged my brain and spinal cord beyond repair.

I mean, come on! Is this city amazing or what?! Lets see. “No visit to the Sunset Strip is complete without checking out the Chatooo Marymontee, where a star sighting is almost always guaranteed.” Bitchin! Well hello! You seem like a nice- Ow! hey! Stop!!

You okay?

I think I was just mugged. Bitchin!

I’m really sorry about your purse.

It’s okay. I didn’t really have anything in there. My travel book says to always hide your valuables someplace safe, so I tucked all my money inside my lacy, pink, yet slightly see-through and somewhat inappropriate for my age panties.

That’s really smart.

I’m Sherrie.

Wolfgang Von Colt.

I’m sorry?

Or Drew. So you just visiting?

Actually, I think I’m here for good.

And driving through the night

Shut up! You work at the bourbon room? This place is like famous!

Dennis, this is Sherrie.

I love your club. It’s so awesome. It even smells like rock…And urine.

We are not hiring right now. Sorry, sweetie.

Ooh! Look at that!! A lucky penny!!

But!! I suppose we could always use some extra help.

Ohmygosh! Are you kidding? I’d love a job!

I was gonna go get a slurpee. You want one?

I love slurpees!

So do I!

No shit?!

Is cherry OK?

I love cherry!

Lame…and gross.

Ticklin’ your sack, huh?

It’s super complicated.

Nice hook, though. Reminds me of Judas Priest’s “Eat Me Alive.”.."SQUEALING IN PASSION AS THE ROAD OF STEEL INJECTS”

I love you.

What?

Nothing. What are you doing?

Dramalogue said they’re having an open call for some movie…Encino Hot Tub Police. Figured I’d go down and try out. Not sure what “suggested fellatio” is, but it sounds like I better work on an accent!

Wow, right off the bus and hittin’ auditions. That’s cool.

Well, I didn’t come all the way from Paola to just sit on my butt, right?

I guess that’s true.

Where you from Drew?

Detroit. Michigan.

I know where Detroit is. So you come all this way to be a rockstar, Wolfgang?

I don’t know. I guess.

Guess? There’s no ‘guess’. You want something? You want to be one of those multi-platinum gods? You just gotta take it!

Okay.

Okay what?

Sure, yeah. I’d like-

Like nothing. Forceful. Right now. What’s bustin’ out your heart, Drew?

Well…

Don’t think! SAY IT, WOLFGANG!

I WANNA…

OKAY! I get it!

Sorry, I got a little excited.

No, that was great. The ensemble singers were maybe a bit much, but whatever!

Sherrie, your mom’s on the phone.

My mom?! Ooh, better tell her about my audition!

I was just wondering if you’re not like super busy and have absolutely nothing better to do, maybe you and I could…

Are you asking me out?

I think so.

Well, how ‘bout tomorrow night?

Tom…Okay, yeah sure!

Then it’s a date.

Start of scene 6 (Talking to mom on phone)

…Yeah, and they got a really delicious Arby’s up the street. Seriously mom, it’s super amaz- oh, hi dad…No dad, I didn’t call for money. Actually, mom called me and…Don’t say that…Dad please. I just wanted to-

You okay, girl?

Yeah, I’m fine.

You don’t look fine.

It’s just my…Whatever, right? I’ll be okay.

I’ve been waiting for a boy like you to come into my life

I still can’t believe you’re opening for Arsenal! This is so cool!

And I owe it all to you.

No, you owe it to Wolfgang Van Colt.

It’s actually Von Colt.

Right. Sorry. Drew? I have a confession. I…I’m actually kinda nervous.

With me?

Yeah. Scared even.

Lookin’ at stars, drinking wine coolers. No pressure.

Friends, right. Guess that’s true.

Oh crap! What time is it?

Um, eight something?

I told Nicholas I’d pick up his shift.

Oh…Okay.

But “rad” rad.

You too…Friend.

Can you believe the Stacee Jaxx is here?

I know. Look at his skin. I bet he eats super healthy.

Well, since you got your man I’m gonna go get me a hot slice of Stacee Jaxx.

Oh, no. Drew and I are just friends.

Hey.

Hey.

Where we can talk about our dreams and feelings and shit.

I think you’re amazing.

Can I talk to you a sec?

Of course, Stacee.

I’M GONNA CALL YOU JEAN VEST!

Drew, I’m sorry. You mind if we talk about this another time? You understand, right? Friend to friend?

Thanks for the coolers.

I’ll be sure to tell him about your music!! What are friends for, right?

So…you looking forward to the show?

God yes! The way you sing. The way you move. The way you-

Sparkle.

Sure.

NOOOO! We can’t!

Why not?

Because I’m dangerous to even my own heart when I love this hard, Rachel.

Sherrie.

I JUST DONT WANT US TO HURT EACH OTHER!!!

We won’t.

A little time to think things over

That’s cool!

In case I need it when I’m older OH

Are you okay?

Are you sure?

Yes!

Spill it! I want everything!

It was magical.

How are his lips?

Magical.

His hands?

Magical!

What about his…?

Smaller than I thought but magical!!

Looks like I gotta go make some dreams happen! You’ll figure it out.

Oooo, there’s Stacee! STACEE! I love you too! He’s hilarious!

I DONT KNOW WHY…

What are you saying?

I DONT KNOW WHY

You’re lying!

Just leave for tonight…

I DONT KNOW WHY… He said he loved me?

I DONT KNOW WHY ANYMORE

OH, NO! Screw you and screw Stacee!

What do you want?

Drew can I talk to you for a sec?

Come on, let’s get you dried off.

Thanks, but I don’t need your help, alright?

You’re certainly pretty enough.

Nice try, but I don’t go that way. And you’re wrong, cuz I don’t need anybody. Not anymore.

First night jitters?

I’ll be okay, Ms. Charlier.

Everybody calls me mama.

Okay, mama. So what do guys like around here? Should I work on some kind of accent or maybe a character backstory? I see my “dance” alter ego as Hungarian.

You meet the other girls yet?

That one threw a cigarette at me?

ANY WAY YOU WANT IT

Anything?

I see in you a real Molly Ringwald quality.

You got that from a “two for one” lap dance?

Let it go.

Jesus! Why don’t you- Drew? Oh my God, I…How are you?

Sherrie. I’m fine. And you?

Good…great, actually.

Oh yeah? So the acting? That going well?

Yeah. I just left a meeting with a pretty big producer over at, ah, Orion Pictures. Think it could really lead to something.

That’s great. Well, you take care, Sherrie.

Wait. What about you? Your music?

Got a Tiger Beat shoot and everything.

Tiger Beat? That’s a departure from the rock, isn’t it?

I guess sometimes people change their minds about things, people they like, wine coolers…

Hold on, you’re mad at me?

I think I’m entitled.

If you remember you’re the one who turned your back on me the minute I was fired! Buddy, it took me a long time to get over-

Time out! What about when you…With Stacee Jaxx!

You said we were just “friends”?! Y’know, “just drinkin’ wine coolers”?!

Yeah, actually you did. Sorry.

Dammit, I was crazy about you.

You were?

Goodbye, Drew.

Maybe give it a listen. It’s about you.

I’m scared…

No, it’s good stuff.

I’m a stripped. Exotic dancer. Stripper. Venus Club.

That’s the first demo tape anyone’s taken off my hands. I better go.

Drew. For whatever it’s worth. Street Boyz or whatever. I thought you made a really hot rocker. God, you are so stupid.

Why did you say “friends”?!

He wrote me a song?

Rachel?!

Sherrie.

Right! Damn, you look good.

Piss off.

Was just hoping to maybe get a dance is all.

I’m not dancing for him.

Sherrie baby, this is one of those where I would say you might want to suck it up.

Mama, I can’t-

Misty will show you to the Champagne Room.

Let’s get this over with. Sit down and shut up!