Week 10: Attraction and Close Relationships

What is the Need to Belong

The desire to form social relationships is fundamental

Does the need to belong aid in our survival?

Yep

• Happier

• Healthier

• Less at risk for mental disease

• Less at risk for premature death

Loneliness

Feeling deprivation about existing social relations

• NOT the same as being alone

What are the 3 facets of Loneliness?

Intimate Loneliness

• Don’t have very close others

Relational Loneliness

• Lack school, work, or family connections

Collective Loneliness

• Lack distal relationships coming from social identities like interests

What are the 4 main factors of Interpersonal Attraction

1. Proximity

2. Similarity

3. Reciprocity

4. Physical Attractiveness

Proximity: What is the mere exposure effect?

People who you interact with most often are the most likely to become your friends and romantic partners

What does greater proximity lead to?

Proximity implies similarity

= Shared interests

• but only happens if original evaluation of a person is neutral

Similarity: Similarity between people in any type of relationship

• Attitudes

• Personality

• Appearance

Why does similarity influence attraction?

• Leads to smooth interactions (similar attitudes, less arguments)

• We expect similar others to like us back

What about “opposites attract”

Commited relationship = similar partner

Low commitment = opposites can attract

Reciprocity: Reciprocal Liking

We like people who like us

• mutual attraction

Self fufilling prophecy in reciprocity

If we believe another person likes us, we behave in more likeable ways

• More disclosure, agreeableness, warmth, eye contact

Reciprocity study

Before talking, males were told that a female either found them attractive or not

• when told that she found him attractive, males acted in more likeable ways

• Greater liking even when they disagreed on important issues

Physical Attractiveness: What is beauty? (nature)

Some features may be inherently more attractive

• agreement across cultures on attractive features

  • Hourglass, v-shape, symmetrical face

Infant study in physical attractiveness

Infants were shown pictures of faces and responded more favourable to attractive pictures

Physical AttractivenessWhat is beauty (nurture)

• Cultural differences

• Beauty standards change over time

• Situational factors such as likeability

What is the Halo Affect?

We think attractive people have good personality qualities

Self-fufiling prophecy in attractiveness

Attractiveness from a young age elicits attention, which helps them develop good social skills

Do men and women pay equal attention to the physical attractiveness of others?

Yes

2 “costs of beauty”

• Attributional problems: is it because of my talent or just my looks?

• Pressure to maintain appearance: ED’s, body dysmorphia

Attributional Problems study

People rated their attractiveness and then wrote an essay

• They were told they were being watched or not watched

• They were asked why they think they got a good grade

Evolutionary Perspective on Mate Selection

People have mate selection patterns that favour conception, birth, and survival of offspring

What’s the BUT in evolutionary mate perspective

Being funny, dependable, and kind were more important than resources and fertility for both men and women

Conspicuous consumption in attractiveness

men spend more = women find more attractive

sparsity of women = men spend more on women

Misattrbituion of arousal

People make mistaken inferences about what is causing them to feel the way they do

Men on bridge example for Misattribution of arousal

Men interviewed and given womans number on the middle of a bridge or the end of it

• men in the middle of the bridge more likely to call her

Social Structual Theory

Gender roles and power

• Society assigns different economic and social roles to men and women, which shapes what they look for in a partner

Societies where men have more power and resources

Women place higher value on a mans money and ambition

What are the 4 theories of Close Relationships?

1. Triangular love theory

2. Evolutionary theory

3. Attachment theory

4. Social exchange theory/investment model

Triangular Love Theory

• Passion: motivational component

  • romance, sexual attraction

• Intimacy: emotional component

  • bondedness, warmth

• Commitment: cognitive component

  • conscious decision for relationship

What do the varying levels of each level effect?

The dynamics between two individuals

• activities, discussions, etc

Evolutionary Theory

Says that the major goal of relationships is reproductive success

What do women look for in men (evolutionary theory)

• Mental power and dominance: provide resources

• Height, broad shoulders, muscles: protection

What do men look for in women (evolutionary theory)

• Physical attractiveness

• Youthful appearance hips: Health & ability to produce offspring

Attracting a mate short term vs long term men VS women

Short term

• physical for both

Long term:

• physical for men

• psychological for women (ability to provide resources)

Which type of cheating is more upsetting: sexual or emotional?

Men: sexual is more upsetting (not knowing if a kid is his…? ._. k)

Women: emotional is more upsetting (loss of resources….ya sure)

Attachment Theory

Argues that our behaviour in relationships is based on our experiences with parents and caregivers

• Attachment styles are important

What are the 4 attachment styles?

• Secure

• Avoidant

• Anxious

• Disorganized

Caregiver responses in the 3 main attachment styles

Secure = responsive caregivers

Avoidant = Distant caregivers (still desire intimacy)

Anxious = Inconsistent caregivers

Which two types often couple up?

Avoidant and anxious types

• but they have negative problematic communication

2 Criticisms on Attachment Theory

Mainly studied in western culture

You can have different attachment styles toward different caregivers

Social Exchange Theory

• Maximize Rewards (tangible and intangible)

• Minimize Costs (tangible and intangible)

• Comparison level (expected outcomes based on previous experiences)

• Comparison level for alternatives (Believe better outcomes are available in a diff rlshp)

Social Exchange Theory in long-term relationships

Couples focus more on rewards during the first months of their relationships

• More perceived rewards = more happiness and satisfaction

Importance of Rewards and Costs over time

Rewards are always important to the outcome

Costs become increasingly important over time

3 Criticisms of Social Exchange Theory

• Ignores that people also care about fairness

• People stay in relationships when there are few rewards and more alternatives

• Doesn’t consider a persons level of investment

Investment Model

Commitment to a relationship depends on how much a person has invested in a relationship that would be lost by ending it

• (not just rewards, costs, comparison levels, and alternatives.)

3 Reasons why relationships end

• Dissimilarity - nothing in common

• Low rewards and high costs, inequity, attractive alternative partners

• Boredom

4 Strategies people use to end a relationship

1. Withdrawal and avoidance

2. Positive tone (“it’s not you, it’s me)

3. Manipulative strategies (ex: getting someone else to break the news to them)

4. Open confrontation

How does the role a person plays in a break up affect how they feel after?

The person who initiated the breakup

• suffers less, but feels guilt and unhappiness

The person who was broken up with

• feels most unhappy, lonely, and depressed