SFL 376 Exam 1 Leavitt

Which parent generally talks more about sex?

Mom

What stops parents from doing better than their parents did?

They lack needed knowledge regarding healthy sexuality

They find it awkward

List the two types of metaphors for sex that parents and leaders are likely to use

Fear based

Abstinence based

T/F You can be completely abstinent and still unchaste

True

Name 2 ways the article "Mating in Captivity" suggested to encourage eroticism

Rediscover each other-don't assume you know everything

Allows yourselves moments of idealization and yearning for the person you live with

Flirting

What is the most important physical sexual organ of the body?

The brain

What is the critical point in a relationship?

18 months

When eros starts to wane and the couple starts to question if they are compatible or 'meant for each other.' They have to choose to let their relationship continue to wane or make it grow.

What are the options for couples who reach the critical point in a relationship?

Stay committed or leave the relationship

Explore reasons for loss of eroticism

Study and learn what turns you and your partner on

Keep variety, mystery, and teasing attitude

Remember today its he last day of your life

T/F: You don't have to study and learn what turns you or your partner on later in life because you know each other so well

False

What is not a reason why eroticism starts to fade?

Changing bodies

Fighting

Stress

Monotony

None of the above

None of the above

What is "one of the best turn ons for women" we discussed in class?

Helping with the housework or caring for the children.

T/F: According to Gottman et al. most men do not understand how dramatically hormones affect a woman's sex drive

True: men are generally super ignorant to how hormones affect women

What is an accurate finding from the article on "Body Concerns In and Out of the Bedroom?"

Body concerns of both men and women are related to sexual problems

T/F: Sexual self-consciousness is when a person worries about how their partner looks

False

According to Gottman et al. in a "Man's Guide to Women" you might be a zero if:

A. You listen to emotions and don't quickly try to fix them

B. You use your voice and size to intimidate

C. You avoid checking out other women

D. You don't show up when you say you will.

Both A&C or B&D

B&D

How much testosterone do men have compared to women? (Gottman et al.)

10 to 100 times more

How much bigger are men's brain centers for sex than women's? (Gottman et al.)

2 times as big

How much more to men think about sex than women? (Gottman et al.)

6 times as much

Which two brain centers are closely linked? (Gottman et al.)

The ones for sex and vision

When are men's testosterone levels highest? (Gottman et al.)

During adolescence and young adulthood

When are women's tester one levels the highest? (Gottman et al.)

During their thirties

What is the purpose of fear based metaphors?

Prevention, children shouldn't have sexual feelings until marriage.

What is the challenge associated with fear based metaphors?

Can't turn off aversion/fear when married

What is the purpose of abstinence based metaphors?

Prevention, no sex until marriage

What is the challenge associated with abstinence based metaphors?

It teaches that abstinence is chastity, but chastity isn't about not having sex, it's about using it the right way

It portrays sex as something to only receive personal pleasure rather than something that is relational with giving and receiving

What is the best metaphor for sex?

There is none

What are goals for sex education in the home?

1. Teach each child to appreciate and love all aspects of their bodies as a beautiful gift from God

2. Teach them to have awe and wonder about the body's ability to reproduce and become bonded to a partner

3. Teach them to recognize the pleasurable and arousing feelings that come with sexuality and learn to control them through spiritual awareness and discipline

4. Avoid attaching fear and anxiety to sexuality

Why do we have sexual feelings before we are married?

To get us to date/talk/be attracted to the opposite sex

What are some guiding principles for a parent teaching about sexuality?

1. Instill curiosity, not fear

2. Ask them questions

3. Talk early and often

4. Attend to the unique personality of each child

5. Focus on the do's rather than the don'ts

6. Never talk about body safety and sex at the same time

What is sexual fragmentation

When we focus on one aspect of sexuality while excluding the other ones

What are internal threats that cause fragmentation?

1. Distorted views

2. Poor self regulation

3. Anxiety

Distorted views

Either/Or thinking

I can only be sexual or spiritual

Doctrine distortions

Poor self-regulation

I struggle to control my impulses so these impulses must be evil

Anxiety

Too hard to balance physical and spiritual needs, so I just focus on one need

What are the external threats that lead to fragmentation?

Voyeurism

Exhibitionism

Sexual chemistry hypothesis

What is voyeurism?

Watching, reading, or listening to the personal disclosures or exhibitions of the physical self of others as a form of entertainment or a substitution for legitimate intimacy

What is exhibitionism?

Disclosing personal details or exhibiting our private physical self to others before we could realistically trust them, for the purpose of gain (attention, popularity, etc.)

Why is exhibitionism a threat?

It leads to comparisons

Why are both exhibitionism and voyeurism a threat?

Every instance of both reduces opportunities and capacities for real intimacy

Reduces our ability to understand pacing (when to share what with whom)

What is the sexual chemistry hypothesis?

When we believe that there is some type of behavioral sexual similarity that must exist for a relationship to work. Often includes both sexual chemistry and a process of eating out the sexual area through trial and error

What five beings do each individual include aspects of?

1. Intelligence

2. Heavenly Father

3. Heavenly Mother

4. Earthly Father

5. Earthly Mother

What are the two primary needs embodied in your soul?

Belonging

Becoming

What is eros?

Passionate/romantic love

Infatuation/attraction

Connected to sexual desire but no synonymous with lust

Not necessarily mutual

What is philia?

Companionate

Friendship

Like-minded

Mutual

What is agape?

Unlimited

Divine-not unconditional

Charity

Compassion

What types of love do you need to stay happily married?

This is dependent upon what caused you to marry this person in the first place. You need some of each, but the amount of each type of love is going to vary between relationships.

How can you increase philial love?

Do things friends do

How can you increase agape love?

Involve God in your efforts

What percentage of women who have orgasms need to have their clitoris directly touched?

50-75%

How long is the entire clitoral structure?

4 inches

T/F: The clitoris grows throughout a woman's life

True

How much larger does a clitoris get through a woman's life?

2.5x larger than when a teenager

How many sensitive nerve endings does the clitoris have?

8000

What is the meaning of the Greek word that the clitoris comes from?

Key

How many contractions can an orgasm include?

3-16

What has the male emphasis on sexuality historically led to?

Absence of foreplay

Mostly genital stimulation

Sex positions

Duration of experiences

Creates ignorance and loss of enjoyment

What is chastity?

Sexual direction not sexual repression

What are the three types of intimacy?

Orgasmic

Arousing

Non-arousing

What are the four stages of the sexual response cycle?

Excitement

Plateau

Orgasm

Resolution

On average, how often does a woman want sex?

1-2x/week

On average, how often does a man want sex?

2-4x/week

What can the high desire spouse in a relationship where sexual desire discrepancy exists do to help the situation?

Distract his/her brain from sex on days and times when sexuality is not practical, possible or loving, when it is selfish

What can the low desire spouse in a relationship where sexual desire discrepancy exists do to help the situation?

Engage his/her brain to think about sex or fantasize about it long before it happens

Think about how to surprise, delight, or excite your partner

What are erogenous zones?

Area of human body that has heightened sensitivity, the stimulation of which may generate a sexual response

What are some nonspecific erogenous zones?

Eyelids

Eyebrows

Neck

Ears

Temples

Shoulders

Hands

Arms

Hair

Abdomen

What are some specific erogenous zones?

Lips

Nipples

Genitals

Clitoris

Vulva

Perineum

What erogenous zones should you start with?

Nonspecific

Why should you start with nonspecific erogenous zones?

Moving too quickly to specific zones can create irritation or premature ejaculation

What is the clearest sign that a woman is ready for stimulation of specific zones?

Some degree of lubrication

What is congruent arousal?

Both reaching orgasm

What is incongruent arousal?

Only one partner reaching orgasm

How can couples move from incongruent to congruent arousal?

They don't have to if they enjoy sex incongruently

May only happen after refractory period in early marriage

Woman on top can be helpful

Learning about the clitoris can be helpful

Lube

What are the outcome when a couple waits longer to have sex? (Busby et al.)

Higher sexual satisfaction

Higher perceived relational stability

Higher relational satisfaction

Better relationship communication

Even controlling of # of sexual partners

Education, religiosity, and relationship length

Is it sexual compatibility or sexual restraint that has been proved true?

Restraint

What most strongly affects communication in sex?

The length of time before

What are the eight components of optimal sex?

1. Being present, focused, and embodied

2. Connection, alignment, merger, being in sync

3. Deep sexual and erotic intimacy

4. Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy

5. Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency

6. Transcendence, bliss, peaceful, transformation, healing

7. Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun

8. Vulnerability and surrender

When knowing the 8 components of optimal sex, what can physicians do to improve?

1. Learn how to help couples to create relationships safe enough to be worthy of vulnerability inherent in revealing oneself authentically.

2. Stop focusing so much unisexual dysfunction or disorders because the only thing that may be wrong is the expectations or relationship

3. Clinicians should help clients move away from traditional sex scripts that focus only on orgasm

What is the challenge for modern couples?

Reconciling the need for what's safe and predictable with the wish to pursue the exciting, mysterious, and awe-inspiring. We don't have to sacrifice one for the other, they can work together.

What does the anchor and the wave refer to?

How we seek a steady anchor as well as exciting, mysterious love

Do men or women have higher levels of body shame?

Women

What does body shame strongly predict?

Greater self-consciousness during physical intimacy

What was body shame's significant relationship with lower sexual arousability mediated by?

Sexual self-consciousness

With the mediation of lower sexual arousability regarding body shame, how do men and women compare to one another.

The findings were the same for men and women.

How does a hero help his perimenopausal partner?

Encourage her to take care of herself and get more sleep

Don't take her mood personally

What are women interested in during ovulation?

Aggressive men and sex

How can a man be helpful during his wife's PMS?

Listen to her feelings

Avoid blaming PMS for her emotional state

Don't try to fix it

How much more often do men think about sex than women do?

6x more

What does a hero do in fearful situations?

Turns his attention to making the woman feel safe instead of using aggression to deal with the threat

What is a hero's main role when it comes to body image?

Help the woman feel beautiful regardless of what she feels society is telling her

How many advertisements do women view each day?

400-600

How many advertisements do women view each day that are directly about what feminine beauty should look like?

1 out of every 11

How many messages will a women view by the time she is 60, that tell her what her body should look like?

6 million

What is amae?

Desire to receive love

Innate need and desire within each person to depend on and feel connected to other people

(a Japanese word)

What does intimacy of validation do?

It fosters the need for belonging

Loving someone just the way they are

No hidden agenda to try and change the other person against their will

What does intimacy of confrontation do?

It fosters the need for becoming

Loving someone for who they can be, and being committed to helping the marriage relationship reach its fullest potential

What are the two hormones released during orgasm?

Oxytocin (men and women)

Vasopressin (men)

What are the four primary phases of the sexual response cycle?

1. Desire

2. Arousal

3. Orgasm

4. Resolution

What are the two myths perpetuated by phase models?

1. There's only one right way to have sex

2. Sexual arousal is simultaneous

What are the two types of stimulation that should be part of our sexual relationships?

Physical

Psychological

What type of stimulation is most important?

Psychological