Stop Kiss - Scene Seven

( start of scene )

Ok. If you’re in someone else’s bathroom and they have the toilet paper coming out from the bottom instead of the top—

I hate that.

Do you change it or leave it the way it is?

What do you mean change it? You’d change somebody else’s toilet roll?

Yeah, if I was gonna use it a couple times.

Pfff.

All right, you go next.

So if you were driving down a highway and saw a pothole in the road ahead, what would you do, straddle or swerve?

Mm, straddle. You?

Straddle.

Swerve.

Nah-ah

Yes you would.

Cat in the road.

Caesar!—say a rabbit.

OK, rabbit. Straddle, swerve, or brake.

Straddle a rabbit.

Sport utility vehicle—four wheel drive, you could.

Screech to a brake, check the rabbit, then—smoke. You?

Brake.

Swerve.

Why do you keep saying that?

This is you—

These cards are driving me nuts.

One more hand please.

Can I ask you something about your job?

Yep.

Why did you want it?

You mean this fellowship?

Public school, the bronx—teaching.

Instead of private school, st.louis,—teaching?

Thats what youre used to, right?

Its where I worked for five years, I never got used to it. I mean, I never went to private school. We all went to the cruddy public school— I mean, it was cruddy compared to the private school, it’s the sorbonne compared to where I teach now. But in a private school…I mean, what am I giving them? They have more than everything.

And the bronx?

OK. These kids—you know who I was when I was their age? I was the kid who had the right answer, knew I had the right answer but would never raise my hand. Hoping the teacher would call on me anyway. Those are my favorite kids to teach. And here? Now? I’ve got a classroom full of them.

Did you pick up a card?

You should come and meet them one day.

Yeah ok.

I’ll bet youve never even been to the Bronx.

I go every day.

Fly over.

Thats more than most New Yorkers.

Can I ask you about your job?

Go ahead.

Why the traffic?

Why the traffic indeed.

I mean, as opposed to news reporting or other kinds of journalism.

Im not a journalist. I never worked in radio or TV before I got that job.

So howd you get it?

My boyfriend Toms uncle worked at the station.

Oh.

I mean, its the traffic its not even—the weather. You just ride around in a helicopter and tell people what the cars are doing.

The helicopter part is pretty great, right?

Yeah, how great?

Well if you dont like it you should get another job.

I cant. I dont get that.

What time is it?

2:30

Already? Is the subway OK this time of night?

You should take a cab.

How much will that be?

About 10 bucks?

I’ll take the train.

Ill give you the money—

I have it, it’s just too much. It’s only four or five stops on the train.

Listen youy can…you know youre welcome to stay……not getting up for anything in particular.

Maybe Casear will come sleep with me.

Yes! You can reconcile with your cat!

He’s holding such a grudge. He never comes out when I’m here.

It took a few days before he started to sleep with me.

Lucky.

I’m sure he’ll sleep with you tonight.

Yeah.

Here let me just get these…..and Ill sleep out here?

No, no, this’ll be fine.

I think it’s comfortable. Is there anything else you need?

I think I’m all set.

All right. Sleep tight.

Good night.

Do you need a tee-whoop

Its OK—I have one. We did face painting today so I—

Good night

Sweet Dreams. Pss pss pss pss Caseeeesar. Come on you grudge holder. Pss pss pss. Is he in there with you?

Uh-uh. He’s not out there with you?

No.

Is he under your bed?

No. Will you do me a favor? For just like a minute?

Sure.

Would you just lay in bed here for just a minute to see if he comes.

OK

Since hes been sleeping with you.

Yeah. I guess we have to convince him we’re sleeping.

Oh right.

This bed is comfortable.

Isn’t it?

I never laid on it before.

It’s comfortable.

I got it second hand.

Really?

A hundred and fifty bucks.

That’s cheap.

It’s comfortable.

Are your feet hot?

What?

My feet get hot when I sleep.

Even in winter?

Yeah.

Take them out.

I usually move the sheet so that it goes the other way, you know the short—

OK

Do you see him?

Who?

Casear.