LINK LARKIN LINES

VELMA: They’re kids, Corny. That’s why we have to steer them in the white direction…I mean…you know what I mean.

LINK: Amber, I’ve got something for you.

Pulls out Ring

LINK: I’ve figured, since we’ve been going along sort of… steadily… maybe we should make it official

TRACY: Link Larkin, so near and yet so gorgeous.

LINK: I know, those girls were all over me. I don’t know how Rock Hudson stands it.

*Bumps into Tracy

LINK: Excuse me little darlin’ , I hope I didn’t dent your do.

AMBER: Do you dance like you dress?

Link: Girls, there’s no need to be cruel

STUDENTS: Boink Boink

LINK: Hey little darlin’. Haven’t we met somewhere?

SEAWEED: Hey, hey, hey. Everybody check her out!

LINK: That girls as free as the wind.

AMBER: That's right - She's fast and slow at the same time! Link Larkin, how could you kiss that bee-hived buffalo right on the ... air?

LINK: That didn’t mean anything, Amber. It was just a cool way to end the song

FENDER: Hey, here they come. Special ED! Snicker Snicker Sneer sneer

LINK: That ain’t cool, Fender. Knock it off. Try acting like a grown up.

AMBER: Well, well, well, Tracy Tugboat, you finally found a title you could win: Miss Special Ed!

Knock it off, Amber.

GYM TEACHER: Go for his nuts!

LINK: Everybody take it easy. this isn’t world war three

Amber: Poor Tracy. So tragic, I forgot to cry. Are you coming, Link

LINK: That was unnecessary.

AMBER: I said; Are you coming, Link?

LINK: In a minute.

PENNY: Uh oh, Tracy? Are you dead?

LINK: Tracy? Tracy, how ya doin’? Gee, you’re beautiful when you’re unconscious.

TRACY: Where am I? Link?

LINK: You better? For a second there it looked like “Teen Angel” time.

TRACY: Wherever I am, nobody change the channel.

LINK: you’ve got a funny way of putting things. I like that.

TRACY: Oh, Link, this is my friend Seaweed.

LINK: How you doin’?

TRACY: I’ve never been to North Avenue before.

LINK: would it be safe up there for, you know, us?

TRACY: What do you think, Link?

LINK: I think getting to know you is the beginning of a whole lot of adventure.

AMBER: Aaaaaaiiiiiieeeeeee!!!! Link! What are you doing in this huge crowd of minorities?

LINK: Trying to fit in. What are you doing?

AMBER: I waited for you under the bleachers half way through the JV track meet, then I saw you getting on the North Avenue bus and I followed you here in my new car.

LINK: We’re having a blast. Come, jump in.

AMBER: Let’s go, Link.

LINK: Amber, you’re being rude to these people.

AMBER: Link! Come!!!

LINK: Amber. Go.

SEAWEED: You saying you and Link would be willing to dance with us on Negro Day? That would be earth shaking!

LINK: Tracy…

TRACY: No. We’re not going to dance on Negro Day.

LINK: Whew.

WILBUR: ...and give correct change.

LINK: Tracy, you can’t do this. You’re new to The Council. You’ll be blackballed and throw off the show for sure.

TRACY: That’s why we’re all gonna do it together

LINK: Not me

TRACY: You don’t think segregation is wrong?

LINK: I like these people. But whether or not they’re on TV won’t give me a recording contract… That came out wrong. I’ve been singing and dancing and smiling on this show for 3 years waiting for it to lead to my break. You’ve got everything; brains, talent, personality. Me? I’ve got one chance to get seen nationwide. Tracy, Saturday night is everything I’ve worked for. I’m not gonna throw it away. C’mon, I’m leaving and you gotta go too.

TRACY: No! I want to do this, and so should you. It’s what’s right. Link stay. Please.

LINK: Sorry

TRACY: But you and me together…I was just starting to think….

LINK: Sure. Me too. But I don’t know. It’s getting too complicated. And there’s still Amber. See ya later, little darlin’.

BEGINNING OF SCENE 3

LINK: Tracy? Where are you? It’s me, Link Larkin. From the show.

TRACY: Link over here!

LINK: Shhhh, the guard’s asleep. Gee, you look beautiful behind bars.

TRACY: It must be the low watt institutional lighting. Link, what are you doing here?

LINK: Oh, Tracy. After seeing you dragged off to jail brought me back to my senses. I thought I’d lose it when I thought I lost you. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sing. I couldn’t even concentrate.

TRACY: You couldn’t eat?

LINK: No, so I went down to the station to tell Mrs. Von Tussle I was through with the Miss Hairspray Broadcast…

TRACY: you did?

LINK: I didn’t. When I got to the station I overheard Mrs. Von Tussle talking to Spritzer. Tracy, It’s Amber the talent scouts are coming to see. It had nothing to do with me. All this time I thought Amber and I were a team. She and her mother were just using me to make her look popular. I feel like such an idiot.

TRACY: That makes two of us

LINK: I know a palooka like me isn’t worthy of a ground breaking extremist like you, but…

shows ring

It’s a little scuffed from Amber throwing it in my face when I told her I’d rather be with you.

TRACY: you did?

LINK: I didn’t. So, would you consider wearing my ring?

TRACY: Would I? Would I?

LINK: “To lose thee were to lose myself.” Some kid named Milton wrote that in the third floor boys room.

TRACY: I have a good life: great parents, my own room, stacks of 45’s, three sweaters, plus a learner ’s permit good through August. But you know what I’ve been missing, Link?

LINK: I think I do… Trace, they can keep us from kissing, but they can’t stop us from singing.

MOTERMOUTH: I never mind love. It’s a gift from above. But not everyone remembers that. So you two better brace yourselves for a whole lot of ugly comin’ at you from a never ending parade of stupid

LINK: Hey, Miz Motermouth. We broke Tracy out of jail.

LITTLE INEZ: Say what?

LINK: Tracy, no.

TRACY: I can’t put all of you in any more danger. We should’ve thought more before we broke out. My dad could lose the Har-de-Har Hut. And, Link, you could go to prison for what you did tonight…

LINK: Just first base in the back of the cab. I swear.

TRACY: You can keep your stupid crown, Amber. I have my heart set on something a lot more important.

LINK: Would that happen to be… Me?

SPRITZER: And America would like to hear you two kids sing our new theme song. I think I can get you a recording contract.

LINK: My big break!

CORNY: Live television – there’s nothing like it.

LINK: This may not be the right moment since we’re on national TV and all, but, Tracy, if I don’t kiss you now I might bust a gut.