Lecture 15 - Getting Divorced

Divorce as a single event vs. a process

Single event = legal understanding

Divorce as mirror image of marriage

Legal act = one symbolic step in how a pair-bond forms or dissolves

Five Tasks of Divorce

Separate emotionally/psychologically; new identities

Uncoupling

Redefining self as a single person

3 steps of psychological uncoupling

Decrease emotional investment in spouse

Continued intimacy after separation

Surprisingly common

Why detachment matters for resiliency

Frees you to attach to new figures, roles, identities

Getting along with the ex (years later)

Most not intensely angry, but still somewhat angry

Violence after divorce

Abuse in marriage usually continues after divorce

3 kinds of ex relationships

Friendship: like + get along

Preoccupation (ex relationship)

Obsessional thoughts about the ex (missing them, wanting more contact)

Co-parenting after divorce

Ending the marriage doesn't end raising children together

Co-parenting considerations

Coordinating schedules

Economic uncoupling

Divide assets + liabilities (insurance, pensions, tax debts)

Social uncoupling

Friends confused; feel they must choose a spouse (often unavoidable)

Legal uncoupling components

Filing for divorce

Legal steps to divorce

Prove residence in family court (6 weeks in Nevada to 1 year)

Coverture (and divorce property law)

English Common Law: husbands held title to marital property

Community property

Used in 9 states

Spousal support (alimony) — then vs. now

Then: lifelong for the dependent spouse (usually wife)

When spousal support is likely

High standard of living

Maccoby & Mnookin (1992)

1,124 families with children

NCSC Landscape of Domestic Relations Cases (2018)

147,153 cases, large municipalities, 11 states

How many custody cases need a full trial?

Fewer than 10% (modern estimates)

Should lawyers handle custody?

Ideally no

Custody and conflict

Many parents: mild conflict; substantial minority: a lot

Legal custody

Parental authority / decision-making

Sole legal custody

One parent makes major decisions

Joint legal custody

Shared decisions on big topics

Physical custody

Time children actually spend with each parent

Primary physical custody

Majority of time with one parent

Joint physical custody

Closer to equal time in both homes

Split custody

Each parent has sole custody of at least one child

Single-parent households (2022 Census)

Of children living with one parent: 78% with mom, 22% with dad

Emery (1999) predictors of child well-being

Good relationship with authoritative residential parent

Custody structure vs. process

Process of change, relationship quality, conflict management matter MORE than custody structure

Financial losses after divorce

Women's per capita income ↓ ~30% (worst: middle class, long marriages)

Downward social mobility after divorce

Less desirable housing (less safety, space, privacy)

Work as a mitigating factor

Stable, meaningful work = profoundly stabilizing; better adjustment

Men's response to divorce

Suffer more intensely during initial separation

Women's response to divorce

More numerous low-severity problems; chronic daily hassles

Positive growth after divorce (gender)

New skills, independence, capacities, self-confidence

Divorce and mental distress

Stress precipitates depression; can become clinical

Divorce, depression, and suicide statistics

UK: divorced mothers 3× more likely depressed than married mothers

What comes first: distress or divorce?

Possibilities: unhealthier people divorce (selection), spurious link, or divorce causes distress

Evidence divorce is causal

Controls for pre-existing psychological problems

Growth after divorce

Find new capacities + strengths

Age and divorce adjustment

Older people more distressed, harder adjusting (income, new love, loneliness)

Protective factors after divorce

Younger age

Social support after divorce

Socializers do better