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Strengthening the Family – Comprehensive Study Notes

Proclamation on the Family (pp. 6–7)

  • Solemn declaration by the First Presidency & Quorum of the Twelve (23 Sept 1995)
    • Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God; the family is central to His eternal plan.
    • All human beings are literal spirit sons & daughters of Heavenly Parents with a divine nature & destiny.
    • Gender is an essential, eternal characteristic.
    • Commandments still in force:
    • Multiply & replenish the earth.
    • Employ powers of procreation only within marriage.
    • Parents’ sacred duties: love, rear in righteousness, provide, teach service & law-abiding citizenship.
    • Principles for happy families: faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, wholesome recreation.
    • Fathers: preside, provide, protect (in love & righteousness).
      Mothers: primarily nurture.
      Equal partners—adapt as circumstances demand.
    • Prophetic warnings: disintegration of the family invites calamities; accountability awaits abusers & covenant-breakers.
    • Call upon governments & citizens to “maintain and strengthen the family.”

Guidelines for the Instructor (pp. 7–13)

  • Target group: ≤20 parents; taught by LDS Family Services professionals or ward/stake volunteers.
  • Course length: 9 \text{–} 12 sessions × 90 min; Session 1 is mandatory first.
  • Administration
    • Charge only material costs (in wards/stakes); collect fee up-front.
    • Keep attendance roll; provide certificates, evaluations.
    • Promote benefits (unity, communication, conflict-resolution) rather than topic list.
  • Teacher qualifications
    • Good relationship skills, gospel testimony, ability to receive the Spirit (cf. D&C 42:14).
  • Teaching strategies
    • Stories/parables (illustrate, keep short, balanced).
    • Role-plays → typical → critique → improved role-play.
    • Guided group discussion; set ground rules: confidentiality, brevity, balance, patience, encouragement, forgiveness.
    • Manage schedule visibly; shift when Spirit directs.
    • Use approved media (respect copyrights).
    • Model principles: kindness, listening, problem-solving, calm redirection.
  • First session prep: signs, name tags, materials, agency contact no.
  • Final session: evaluations, recognition certificates.

Session 1 – Parenting Principles & Practices (pp. 15–24)

  • Objectives
    1. Understand sacred parental role.
    2. Identify flawed societal views of children.
    3. Grasp gospel-based success measures.
    4. See covenant power in saving children.
  • Satanic assault on family; remedy = bring up children in light & truth (D&C 93:40).
  • Five worldly misconceptions
    • Children are innately evil / innately good / blank slates / biologically determined / self-constructivists.
  • Gospel clarifications
    • Children are innocent through the Atonement (Moroni 8:8) yet possess agency.
    • Biological, environmental factors matter but do not negate choice (Elder Maxwell).
  • Parenting styles (Baumrind):
    • Authoritarian (high demand, low warmth) → obedience + low self-esteem.
    • Permissive (low demand, high warmth) → impulsivity.
    • Authoritative (high demand & warmth) → best outcomes; mirrors D&C 121.
  • Nine gospel principles for successful families: faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, wholesome recreation.
  • Covenants amplify parental power (temple sealing, baptism, priesthood, etc.).
    Children remain reclaimable upon repentance (Pres. Faust clarifies Elder Whitney).
  • Success metric: parents who love, sacrifice, care, teach (Pres. Hunter) regardless of children’s agency.

Session 2 – Understanding Child Development (pp. 27–33)

  • Key idea: progression is paced; readiness governs teaching.
  • Developmental stages & tasks
    1. Infancy – trust via responsive caregiving.
    2. Ages 1–3 – autonomy vs. doubt; offer choices, safe exploration.
    3. Ages 3–6 – initiative; set clear but flexible boundaries.
    4. Ages 6–12 – industry; praise effort, assign real chores, monitor media.
    5. Ages 12–18 – identity; gradually share control, listen non-defensively.
  • Warning signs table—speech, motor, social, emotional red flags; seek professional help.
  • Parental tasks
    • Maintain realistic expectations.
    • Adapt teaching to individual temperament.
    • Spend one-on-one & family time (work + recreation).

Session 3 – Communicating with Love (pp. 23–32)

  • Poor practices: lecturing, judging, blaming, sarcasm, commandeering conversation.
  • Christlike model: compassion, forgiveness, respect, patience.
  • Core skills
    • Active/reflective listening: paraphrase, label feelings.
    • Non-defensive responses when criticized.
    • "I"-statements: express feelings + effect + expectation.
    • Clarify behavioral expectations.
  • Barriers to listening: need to solve, need to control, fear of failure, perfectionism.

Session 4 – Nurturing Children (pp. 33–42)

  • Nurturing = loving, nourishing, teaching, protecting, encouraging.
  • Scriptural mandate: “Bring up children in light & truth” (D&C 93:40).
  • Five-Step Emotion Coaching (Gottman):
    1. Awareness of child’s emotion cues.
    2. View emotion as opportunity for intimacy & teaching.
    3. Listen empathetically & validate.
    4. Help child label feelings.
    5. Set limits & coach problem-solving.
  • Guidelines: ask reflective questions, help devise solutions, evaluate fairness & safety.

Session 5 – Fostering Confidence (pp. 45–53)

  • Sources of confidence
    1. Feeling loved & respected.
    2. Faith in God; virtue → “confidence wax strong” (D&C 121:45).
    3. Integrity—heeding Light of Christ; self-evaluation.
    4. Competence—work, skill mastery, praise (sincere, specific, brief, random).
    5. Service to others—lose self, find self (Pres. Kimball).
  • Dangers: over-indulgence, conditional love ➔ insecurity, entitlement.

Session 6 – Overcoming Anger (pp. 55–64)

  • Anger consequences: loss of Spirit, respect, health; invites abuse.
  • Anger cycle (Cullen & Freeman-Longo)
    \text{Normal} \to \text{Build-up} \to \text{Acting-out} \to \text{Downward spiral} \to \text{(repeat)}
  • Tools
    • Prayer, fasting, priesthood blessings.
    • Identify triggers; keep anger log; implement coping statements.
    • Time-outs for self; calming routines.
    • Share underlying vulnerable feelings instead of hostility.
    • Spiritual rebirth: scripture, covenants, repentance.
    • Relapse-prevention plan—specific strategies for each phase.

Session 7 – Resolving Conflict (pp. 69–78)

  • Eliminate contention (3 Ne 11:29–30); reconcile first (3 Ne 12:23–24).
  • Tactics
    • Listen to understand; refuse to argue (Christlike non-reviling—Latham).
    • Reprove betimes with sharpness when moved upon by Spirit, then increase love (D&C 121:43).
    • Selective arbitration between children; remain neutral, guide to solutions.
    • 5-Step Problem-Solving Model (Heitler):
    1. State positions.
    2. Explore concerns.
    3. Brainstorm options.
    4. Select blended solution & assign tasks.
    5. Implement & evaluate.

Session 8 – Teaching Responsible Behavior (pp. 79–87)

  • Teach by example; over-indulgence fosters entitlement.
  • Steps
    1. Give meaningful responsibilities (chores, service).
    2. Clarify expectations: positive, specific, demonstrated.
    3. Teach complex tasks incrementally (walk-through, practice, feedback).
    4. Provide choices between acceptable alternatives; link privileges to responsibility.
    5. Engage in shared work & recreation; reinforce successes.

Session 9 – Applying Consequences (pp. 89–98)

  • Rationale: Children must experience outcomes of choices to learn obedience.
  • Types
    • Natural—occur without intervention; allow when safe.
    • Logical—imposed, related to misbehavior, respectful, instructive.
  • Implementation keys
    • Discuss & agree on rules/consequences in advance (family councils).
    • Stay calm; focus on what parents will do.
    • Let consequences teach—avoid arguing, moralizing.
    • Provide empathy & “increase of love” after compliance.
  • Time-out (ages 3–8)
    • Quiet area; 1 min × age after silence; brief rationale; post-timeout solution.
  • Judgment: ignore harmless, attention-seeking acts; act on serious issues.

Course Administration & Appendices

  • Forms: Info flyer, preparation checklist, class roster, evaluation form, certificates.
  • Promotion: stress benefits—unity, communication, Spirit in home.
  • Materials: Strengthening the Family: Resource Guide for Parents; instructor guide; AV needs.
  • Follow-up: collect evaluations, issue certificates, encourage ongoing application.

Key Scriptural Anchors

  • D&C 93:40–42 – teach light & truth; accountability.
  • D&C 121:41–46 – persuasion, long-suffering, love unfeigned.
  • Mosiah 4:14–15 – teach children to love & serve.
  • Proverbs 15:1 – soft answer.
  • Moroni 7:45–48 – charity in family life.

Practical Formulae & Reminders

  • Praise ratio: \text{Aim for} \;5{\small\text{ compliments}}\;/\;1{\small\text{ criticism}}.
  • Time-out length: \text{Child’s age (yrs)} \times 1\;\text{minute} (start timer once quiet).
  • Family work principle: Together + Routine + Purpose ⇒ learning & bonding.

“Eternal life is family life with a loving Father in Heaven and with our progenitors and our posterity.” —Elder Dallin H. Oaks