Interpersonal communication

INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
● Interpersonal: communication that occurs between at least two interdependent parties ● Why We Build Social Relationships:

- Emotional Rewards: (ex: gaining support from people in your life)
- Material Rewards: people who care about you can get you things
- Health Rewards: social relationships help people stay healthier on average

● Norms: expectations that we carry; guidelines that limit or direct behavior - They make behavior predictable, we like predictability
- When someone breaks norms, this can create conflict

● Roles: how we define certain places that we stand in society (ex: dad, manager) - Expectations help shape interactions
- Give predictability, so they are good for relationships

● Expected vs Enacted Role: not playing the role they should (but it could still work)
● Interrole Conflict: sometimes multiple roles are occupied at the same time (ex: offer to

tutor your friend, so now you are their tutor and friend, but now its hard for them to stay

focused when tutoring them)
● Intrarole Conflict: contradictory expectations of what a role should be (ex: you want to

be in a casual relationship but they are thinking of marriage)
● Disclosure: self-disclosure is telling someone about who you are; usually reciprocal, but

creates problems if it is not
- Helps increase clarity in the relationship
- Emotional expression
- Impressions: selective tell a story to give some sort of impression about who we

are
● Why conceal things?

-

Rejection, don’t want to worry others, privacy, <what is too much information to tell at this point in time?=

Known To Others

self-disclosure as the relationship develops
- Breadth: range of topics you are willing to talk about with a person - Depth: amount of detail you are willing to go into on a given topic - Frequency: how often you talk to someone

• ●  Uncertainty Reduction Theory: in our lives and relationships, we seek to reduce uncertainty

• ●  Uncertainty:
  - Raises information-seeking: get to know people better and determine if they are

  worth continuing to talk to
  - Reduces intimacy: if they cheat on you and you find out

(potential)
● Social Penetration Theory (<Onion Theory=): individuals will increase their

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• -  Reduced by similarity: if they go to uconn, more willing to talk to them

• -  Lowers jealousy

• -  Improves relational maintenance: easier to work on relationship when there's less

  uncertainty

• ●  Attachment Theory: the care at an early age can impact relational behaviors later on in

  life

• ●  Children fall under three attachment styles:

  - Secure: 70% of children have a positive model of themselves and others
  - Avoidant: 20% of children have a negative model of other people (caregiver

  either overstimulated or understimulated); <people just get in the way=
  - Anxious-Ambivalent: 10% have a negative model of themselves (caregiver is

  inconsistent or preoccupied)

• ●  Attachment in Adults based on attachment styles:

  • -  Secure: comfortable with intimacy, a lot of trust and happiness, low self-doubts, good relationships with parents

  • -  Avoidant: closeness makes them uncomfortable, fear intimacy <everyone always left me, why should i count on you?=

  • -  Anxious-Ambivalent: want consistent relationships, but are horribly afraid of losing it, feel misunderstood, high self-doubt; this drives people away

• ●  Dialectical Tensions: contradictions and tensions in relationships; we are complicated people

  • -  Autonomy vs Connection: wanted to be independent but also connected to others

  • -  Expressiveness vs Privacy: we want to tell people who we are, but we need to

    limit this because it can be too much information

  • -  Change vs Predictability: want to leave, but then you want to go back (ex; leaving

    college, second week you want to go back home)

COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIPS

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• ●  Human Attraction: a drive/force that brings people together

• ●  5 Forces of Attraction:

  - Liking: the idea of just liking someone
  - Similarity: someone who has a number of things in common to us makes us feel

  safer
  - Reciprocity: the moment you find someone is interested in you, you evaluate the

  prospect
  - Proximity: the physical availability of someone can be attractive. Proximity means

  availability, availability means opportunity, opportunity means procreation - Attractiveness: how attractive they are, good looks matter

• ●  Dialectical Tensions: tensions people experience when they have two contradictory emotions

  - Expressiveness vs. privacy: in public, in relationships

  - Change vs. predictability: in life

• ●  Managing Dialectical Tensions:

  - Denial: responding to only one side of the tension and ignoring the other - Disorientation: ending the relationship in which the tension exists
  - Alternation: going back and forth between the two sides of a tension
  - Segmentation: dealing with one side of a tension in some aspects of a

  relationship and with the other side of the tension in other aspects of that

  relationship
  - Balance: trying to compromise, or find a middle ground between the two

  opposing forces
  - Integration: developing behaviors that will satisfy both sides of a tension

  simultaneously
  - Recalibration: reframing a tension so the contradiction between opposing needs

  disappears
  - Reaffirmation: embracing dialectical tensions as a normal part of life

• ●  Knapp and Vangelisti’s Stages of Relational Development:
  - 5 Steps to Commitment:
  - Initiating: you and someone else are introduced, and you see potential here (ex:

  making eye contact across a room)
  - Experimenting: taking chances to see if its a relationship worth pursuing (ex:

  going on a date, asking for phone number, sexual experimentation)
  - Intensifying: we get head over heels for the other person, things are escalating

  (ex: constantly texting, all you can do is think about the other person)
  - Integrating: letting our lives overlap and it’s starting to feel like a couple (ex:

  share keys to apartment; if you don’t know you’re in this stage, people will tell

  you)
  - Bonding: form long-lasting connections, think about things in the long-term (ex:

  marriage, engagement, shared goals)

  - 5 Steps to Termination:

  - Differentiating: we start seeing differences between us and our partner, we start trying to establish our individual identity (we stop saying <we=, ex: when asked

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

about weekend plans it’s <i’m going out with my friends, but I don’t know what

you’re doing=)

• -  Circumscribing: avoid certain things that we know will create fights (ex: we know

  what our trigger topics are and avoid talking about it)

• -  Stagnating: most of the relationship isn’t positive anymore, and each other are

  just there; this is where the relationship is set to fail (not progressing, not going

  anywhere)

• -  Avoiding: we decide to just avoid each other entirely (hiding and not speaking to

  partner)

• -  Terminating: splitting up

• -  ***Not all stages have to occur, they can jump around, they can go back and

  forth, we can rebuild the relationship, we can start over

• ●  Communicating in Relationships:

  • -  Content and Relational Message Dimensions: content = what is being said, relational = what it means in the context of the relationship

  • -  Confirming vs. Disconfirming Messages: confirming = reinforce a relationship (positive, supportive of the relationship), disconfirming = signify that the relationship might be in danger

  • -  Supportive vs. Defensive Communication: supportive = in support of significant other, defensive = in defense of self

  • -  Trust, Lying, Deception

• ●  Social Exchange Theory: constantly weigh out the costs and rewards of a relationship

• ●  Styles of Love:

  • -  Eros: passionate (erotic, trying to win each others hearts, getting the other to flourish, physical romantic love)

  • -  Ludus: game-playing (teasing, picking on them, getting them upset then making them laugh)

  • -  Storge: friendship-based (we feel close to each other, we trust them, we’re best friends)

  • -  Pragma: practical (work in the same field, lucrative job, both want one child)

  • -  Mania: possessive, dependent (I need you, I want you, where are you, don’t go

    anywhere)

  • -  Agape: selfless, all-giving (the old love ballads, I’ll take care of you, I’ll always be

    there for you

  • -  Not both people have the same love style, some pairings don’t work well

• ●  Relational Maintenance Behaviors:

  - Positivity
  - Openness
  - Assurances
  - Social Networks - Sharing Tasks

• ●  5:1 Gottman’s Magic Ratio

- Successful, intimate relationships will have this ratio of good interactions to bad interactions

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

- Most people are actually 3:3

• ●  Termination Strategies: Relationships

  - Negative Identity Management: intentional sabotage
  - De-escalation: <let’s just be friends= (trying to reframe the relationship as

  something smaller)
  - Justification: rationalizing the end, listing the reasons why the relationship is

  failing and needs to end (use with bad partners, not okay for good ones)
  - Positive-Tone Strategies: <you deserve better=, <it’s not you, it’s me=, trying to let

  them down easy
  - Behavioral De-escalation: avoiding your partner, ghosting, no uncomfortable

  conversations because the other person will <just know its over=

• ●  Termination Strategies: Friendships

  - Withdrawal/Avoidance: <I just didn’t text back=
  - Machiavellian Tactics: involving others in the end - Openness: coming right out with it

RELATIONSHIPS- ISSUES OF CONFLICT AND TECHNOLOGY

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• ●  Conflict: an expressed struggle between two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals

• ●  Conflict Types:

  - Intrapersonal: conflict with self inside you
  - Interpersonal: conflict between two people
  - Intragroup: conflict within a group of people (ex: circle of friends fight) - Intergroup: conflict between groups (ex: two sports teams)

• ●  Conflict Purposes:

  - Persuasion: we want people to change their mind
  - Regulating Relationships: what you expect from someone
  - Catharsis: wanting to fight because you <feel like it=
  - Clarifying Issues: somebody believes one thing, someone believes something

  else

• ●  Conflict Causes:

  - Behavior: when someone engages in a behavior that causes problems
  - Personalities: two different personalities can collide and cause disagreement - Relationship Rules: when someone violates rules, this creates conflict

• ●  Stages of Conflict:

  - Latent Conflict: It’s beneath the surface... (you can tell it's coming) - Emergence: ... until now (pops up)
  - Escalation: it just got real.
  - De-Escalation: we should sort this out

  - Resolution: we have a deal

  - Reconciliation: so, are we cool now?

• ●  Kilmann-Thomas Conflict Model: (see slides)

  - Avoid: low concern for self, low concern for others
  - Compete: high concern for self, low concern for others
  - Collaborate: high concern for self, high concern for others
  - Accommodate: low concern for self, high concern for others - Compromise: somewhere in the middle

• ●  Conflict and Emotion: anger, jealousy, hurt, and guilt
  - Emotional Flooding: too many emotions, <system overload=

• ●  Couples’ Conflict Styles:

  • -  Validating Couples: when something is wrong, they have an open, cooperative conversation about it; rational and calm

  • -  Volatile Couples: open arguments and competitive when there is a difference present, they will argue and try to persuade the other partner that they are right; affectionate when they are done

  • -  Conflict-Avoiding Couples: couples that don’t talk about their problems

  • -  Hostile Couples: frequent, negative, intense conflict

• ●  The Cascade Model of Relational Conflict: idea that if conflict keeps escalating, you

  respond by hurting them back; cycle of trying to hurt the other person more

• ●  The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• -  Criticism: criticize in a very personal way (ex: instead of <you did this=, <you are mean=)

• -  Contempt: use insults in arguments; not even engaging in what caused the conflict itself, only attacking the other person

• -  Defensiveness: try to justify our behavior in arguments

• -  Stonewalling: <silent treatment=, change subject if there's an issue, or outright

  leave when it requires engaging in conflict; doesn’t work in long run

• ●  Ethical Conflict Management: be truthful in what you say, be accountable in what you

  say, don’t hurl insults, avoid coercion (ex: buying a gift instead of fixing the problem),

  focus on appropriate and effective communication

• ●  Technology has changed relationships and our conflicts:

  - Cell Phones: makes it so we are always available - Texting: we don't need to actually talk to someone - Social Media: can exchange information easily

• ●  Social Media: Broadcasting and Impression Management:

  - Places importance on displaying your relationships and yourself on social media

• ●  Phubbing: spending time on your phone when you should be talking to someone

• ●  Online Dating: The Lies People Tell:

  - Men claim to be about 2 inches taller than they really are
  - People claim to make more money than they probably do
  - Hotter pictures tend to be older pictures
  - People identify as bisexual but often only message one sex

• ●  Modern Deception: people take photos at particular angles to misrepresent themselves

• ●  Social Information Processing Theory:

  - Lack of nonverbal cues changes online interaction
  - Bonds may take longer to develop online
  - Hyperpersonalization: people may disclose more to offset the <distance= of the

  internet

PERSUASION

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• ●  Persuasion: involves one or more persons who are engaged in the activity of creating, reinforcing, modifying, or extinguishing beliefs, attitudes, intentions, motivations, and/ or behaviors within the constraints of a given communication context

• ●  Attitude: learned predisposition to respond favorably or unfavorably toward some attitude object; shaped by experiences, influences, the media, etc.

  - Ex: we hate dogs because we got bit as a kid or are allergic

• ●  Psychological Consistency: we want our attitudes to be consistent overtime and with

  others

• ●  Balance Theory: three cognitive elements may be balanced or imbalanced

  • -  If imbalance, the least important is usually changed

  • -  Your best friend isn’t happy with the show- we can either change the channel or change your friend’s mind (probably going to change the channel because it’s

    least important) -

  • -  You hate Billy- we can try and change your best friend's mind, or we can just suck it up

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

- Balance theory- balanced

• ●  Cognitive Dissonance: conflicting opinions (ex: cupcakes taste good so you like eating

  them, but they are unhealthy and you are trying to eat healthy); need to either change

  the action or change the belief

• ●  Elaboration Likelihood Model:

• ●  Reciprocity: doing a favor in hope that you will receive some type of favor/reward in the future

• ●  Consistency Principle: people like to appear consistent
  - Ex: if we have a Chevy once, we’ll have a Chevy for life
  - Ex: <This is you, don’t you do this all the time? What are you gonna do, not go

  out?

• ●  Foot-in-the-door Tactic: asking for a small favor first, so they’ll say yes to a bigger favor

  later

• ●  Lowballing: changing the terms of the agreement after you’ve agreed

  - Ex: Pick up and drive to class? Sure. Nice. I’m actually at UConn Hartford today

• ●  Credibility: when you’re more likely to be persuaded

  - Are they trustworthy?
  - Expertise: does this person know that they’re talking about? - Goodwill: does this person have my best interest in mind?

• ●  Improving Credibility:

• ●  Adapt style to your audience

• ●  Emphasize similarity. Create empathy

• ●  If you have low credibility, emphasize receiver involvement

• ●  Have a credible source introduce/endorse you

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

SMALL GROUP COMMUNICATION

• ●  Small Group Communication: at least 3, often 5-7 people

  - Refers to groups of people where they have to tackle a subordinate goal

• ●  Primary Groups: first small group- our family; had to learn how things were done and

  find our niche

• ●  Social Groups: formed social groups in school; overall, groups got more sophisticated

• ●  Learning/ Education Groups: college level; why work in groups?- interpersonal

  interaction practice is part of the education experience

• ●  Problem-solving Groups:

  - Work Groups: what will we report to our boss, lots of guidance by boss

  - Self-directed Work Teams: boss doesn’t care how it gets done, just get it done

• ●  Functions of Small Groups:

  - Focus on discrete tasks
  - Evaluate and advise
  - Create art and ideas
  - Provide service and support - Promote social networking

  - Compete

  - Help us to learn

• ●  Joining Groups: antecedent → anticipatory → encounter → assimilation → exit

• ●  Groups: Pros and Cons-

• ●  PROS:

  • -  Groups make better quality decisions

  • -  Encourages social facilitation

  • -  Groups are great for critical thinking; we sharpen our ideas in preparation for

    questions and criticism

• ●  CONS:

  • -  Groups take time; we have to listen, engage, pass ideas back and forth

  • -  Lower satisfaction in groups; sometimes people don’t pull their weight

  • -  Stress

  • -  Social loafer: associates with the group but doesn’t do anything to contribute

• ●  Group Hate: prior experiences have made people dislike working in groups

• ●  Task Group Communication (four-phase model):

  - Forming: group comes together initially
  - Storming: sort out tensions of getting to know each other, tensions start to rise - Norming: the group finds a rhythm and figures out how to work with each other - Performing: getting started on achieving the goals and tasks at hand

• ●  Group Dynamics: Task Roles

  - Initiating-contributing
  - Information seeking/giving - Opinion seeking/giving
  - Elaborating
  - Coordinating
  - Orienting

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• -  Evaluating

• -  Energizing

• -  Assisting on procedure - Recording

• ●  Group Dynamics: Maintenance Roles

  - Encouraging
  - Harmonizing
  - Compromising
  - Gatekeeping and Expediting - Following

• ●  Group Dynamics: Individual Roles

  - Aggressing
  - Blocking
  - Recognition-seeking
  - Self-confessing
  - Acting the jokester
  - Dominating
  - Help-seeking
  - Special-interest pleading

• ●  Conformity:

  - Groups present social pressures and norms
  - Oftentimes the norms are silly or wrong
  - External characteristics of conformity include talking the same way or dressing

  the same way

• ●  Conformity Pressure In Groups:

  • -  Public Compliance vs. Private Acceptance: there are 4 of them and 1 of me, so I must be doing the wrong thing; all it takes is one person to say they don’t agree for conformity to be broken

  • -  Social Comparison: comparing me to them and not wanting to feel stupid

  • -  Risky Shift: groups make riskier decisions because the blame can be dispersed

• ●  When a group is so bent on alignment, they all agree; result is the group makes bad

  decisions and ignores important details

• ●  Rationalization: surely the things that don’t line up with our views are just wrong...

  because we’re right

• ●  Symptoms of Group Think (The Problems):

  - Illusions of invulnerability
  - Collective rationalization
  - Self-censorship
  - Direct pressure on dissenters

• ●  Effective Small Group Communication:

  - Equal participation
  - Consensus decision-making style - Cooperative conflict style
  - Respectful communication

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

ORGANIZATIONAL COMMUNICATION

• ●  Organizational Culture: a continuum from traditional to innovative; the whole of an

  organization's behavior patterns

  • -  Individualism / Collectivism: original thinking + creativity (individualism) vs what's

    best for everyone (collectivism)

  • -  Power Distance: how far away do you feel from the people in leadership (ex:

    different levels of power, some people may be higher up and know things that

    you don't)

  • -  Dominance: does the culture take over your life or come and go as it pleases?

  • -  Time: is there any expectation for how much time you spend?

  • -  Uncertainty Avoidance: at what point do we make sure everyone is sure about

    what's going on?

• ●  Deal and Kennedy’s Culture Types:

  • -  Work hard play hard: low risk, fast feedback speed (ex: sales)

  • -  Tough Guy Macho: high risk, fast feedback speed (ex: entertainment, sports,

    advertising); <all or nothing=

  • -  Process: low risk, slow feedback speed (ex: banks, insurance companies)

  • -  Bet Your Company: high risk, slow feedback speed (ex: pharmaceutical

    companies, oil and gas companies, takes years for company to become

    successful, you are <betting= on them)

• ●  Command Function: keep people in line, tell them what to do

• ●  Relational Function: relationships emerge from organizations

• ●  Ambiguity-Management Function: you shouldn’t know everything, leads to anxiety and

  confusion + distractions (How much should I tell them? How much don't we tell them?)

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• ●  Organizational Communication Patterns:

  • -  Upward Communication: workers communicate to their boss (or whoever is in a leadership position) for feedback

  • -  Downward Communication: boss communicates to workers + runs their organization

  • -  Horizontal Communication: troubleshoot with coworkers, working with other people

• ●  Myers and Sadaghiani:

  • -  Millennials expect more (and more positive) interactions with their work

    supervisors

  • -  Millennials also expect open communication from their supervisors

  • -  Millennials prefer to work in teams!: more fun, less risk

• ●  Rumors:

  • -  Leveling: rumor changes over time when communicated through many people

    (we all communicate differently, so rumor becomes skewed)

  • -  Sharpening: people focus and pick certain things to highlight

  • -  Assimilation: tell rumor to someone who hates that person, so they twisted it

    intentionally

• ●  Leader-Member Exchange Theory:

  • -  Focus on interactions between leaders and followers that shape organizational culture

  • -  Leaders and members have relationships

  • -  These relationships affect how subordinates behave and perform in the

    organization

• ●  Four Framework Approach (types of leaders):

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

PROFESSIONAL COMMUNICATION

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

• -  Structural: building structure of organization, having good strategies, creating a good system that manages things (considered architect if it goes well, tyrant if it goes bad)

• -  Human Resource: belief in people, accessibility, democracy, want people to feel empowered, support (my door is always open) (considered catalyst if it goes well, pushover if it goes bad)

• -  Political: clear in their wants, persuasive, focus on networking and connections to get what they want, focused on power (considered an advocate if it goes well, hustler if it goes bad)

• -  Symbolic: creative, interpretive, vision-based, role-based, theatrical, want you to imagine a better world (considered a prophet, ahead of their time if it goes well, fanatic if it goes bad)

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)

lOMoARcPSD|36741845

● Professional Communication: engaging in successful, appropriate, and beneficial interactions across a variety of professional contexts

- Interviewing, Relational Communication, Written Documents, Presentational Speaking, and Mediated Communication

• ●  Why Study This?:
  - Professional contexts are increasingly varied and increasingly competitive
  - Being a strong communicator immediately sets you apart from other applicants

  and employees
  - Identifying weaknesses in our communication helps to lower stress, increase

  productivity, and improve work experiences

• ●  Communication Apprehension: an individual's level of fear or anxiety associated with

  either real or anticipated communication with another person or persons

• ●  Types:

  • -  Trait: naturally have more/ less anxiety when communicating

  • -  Context-Based: only certain types of communication bother you/ the channel

    bothers you (ex: bad at talking on the phone

  • -  Audience-Based: depends on who is listening/participating in the conversation

  • -  Situational: certain situations might make you more anxious to communicate

• ●  Causes:
  - Novelty: new

  - Formality: formal
  - Subordinate Status: talking to people who outrank us
  - Peer Evaluation: idea that others are watching and taking notes - Dissimilarity: people who are not like you
  - Prior History: reminder of past experiences makes you anxious

• ●  Interviewing Tips:

  • -  Preparing: Congratulate yourself. Put your best foot forward. Anticipate questions (behavioral and traditional)

  • -  During the Interview: maintain professionalism at all times, monitor your nonverbals, stay positive + flexible, don’t ramble. Smile

  • -  After the Interview: thank the interviewer(s), then send a thank you note. Provide any requested information immediately

• ●  Workplace Relations:

• ●  Communicating with Superiors:

  - Ingratiation: kissing up to your boss

  - Advocacy: using messages that align with your boss’s needs

• ●  Communicating with Coworkers:

  - Meets both task and social needs
  - Relationships can grow intense with proximity and time
  - Be careful: romance in the workplace (appropriateness and TMI) - Have professional ethos (polite, timely, focused, positive)

• ●  Communicating with Customers:

  - Quick responses, careful listening, customer- focused
  - Difficult customers require patience and good decision-making

• ●  Professional Writing Tips:

• ●  Strong, Coherent Message Structure
  - General Purpose, Specific Purpose (thesis) - Clear organization (outlines can help)

• ●  Know your audience and tailor to them: what’s their investment? Level of understanding? Interest?

• ●  Do the little things:
  - Avoid typos, misspellings, grammatical errors - Strong layouts, clear fonts, use whitespace

• ●  Presenting Tips:

  - Do your research
  - Settle down
  - What happens first matters
  - Own the room (nonverbals: good eye contact, moving around, good voice.

  Variation in tone, pitch (repetition gets boring), keeps room interested)
  - Don’t forget the visuals
  - What happens last matters (never end with <that’s it=, instead end with <thank

  you=)
  - Be a storyteller

Downloaded by Emily Stephens (emily.stephens@uconn.edu)