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Personal Essay Workshop Notes

Sensory Imagery—Use It, Don’t Abuse It

  • Sense–based description is valuable only insofar as it really serves the piece.
    • If your topic is inherently vivid (e.g., food, travel, music), lean on sensory details.
    • If the topic is abstract or internal, it is acceptable to use fewer or different senses.
  • Avoid an “overloaded aircraft” of constant sensory prodding; too much imagery can fatigue the reader.
  • Guideline: deploy imagery where it clarifies, intensifies, or grounds emotion, not where it merely decorates.

Remembering Through Emotions & Psychology

  • Three complementary memory lenses:
    1. Description (imagery) → outside world.
    2. Remembering events → external reality, sequence, what actually happened.
    3. Remembering emotions & psychology → the internal reaction: feelings, thoughts, motives.
  • Good personal essays move fluidly among the three, but this section focuses on category 3.
  • Published vs. student examples provided to illustrate:
    • Gail Caldwell, “Teenage Angst in Texas.”
    • “Bakery Girl,” a former Thrive student’s Cornell-bound essay (chosen for closer study).

Case Study—“Bakery Girl” Paragraph

  • Scenario: Author, in 7^{th} grade, fails a pre-algebra test → bakes cookies at 11{:}00 p.m. to distract herself.
  • Imagery snippets: “bubbling, gooey mess,” “cramped kitchen full of smoke.”
  • Emotional diction: “failed,” “disappointment,” “defeated exhaustion.”
  • Structural rhythm: Bad thing → attempted remedy → another bad thing, creating comic yet sympathetic momentum.
  • Last line “And then I tried again” implicitly shows
    • Perseverance
    • Resilience
    • Growth mind-set
    without naming the trait outright.
  • Humor tempers self-pity; shows writer’s ability to step back and laugh.
  • Cultural arc (elsewhere in essay): reconnecting a Mexican-American family through baking; paragraph acts as “expositional runway.”

Character Revelation via Structure

  • Placement of emotional climax (“defeated exhaustion”) at paragraph’s end makes it convincing; reader has watched the setbacks accumulate.
  • Layering of adjectives generates psychological credibility.
  • Concrete scene + internal reaction = reader trust.

Practical Draft-Revision Exercises

1. Color-Coding Story Elements

Highlight your own draft while rereading:

  • Red – Action & dialogue
  • Yellow – Description / imagery
  • Blue – Exploration of feelings
  • Gray – Reasoning, analysis, context
  • Green – Examples / evidence (stats, outside facts, extended analogies)
  • Pink – Articulation of message / takeaway (usually appears near conclusion)

After coding:

  • Diagnose balance.
    • All-red? Probably over-narrated.
    • All-blue & gray? Likely too abstract, needs “showing.”
  • Decide where missing colors belong (body, intro, or conclusion).
  • Write marginal notes: “Need more blue in body,” “Insert green anecdote here,” etc.

2. Finding the Doer (Subject Audit)

Steps:

  1. Bold the grammatical subject of every sentence.
  2. Tally concrete vs. abstract subjects.
  3. Select extbf{at least 3} sentences for surgery:
    • Replace abstract subjects (e.g., “success,” “realization”) with concrete doers (often you or another character).
    Example fix:
  • Original → “My realization was that…”
  • Revised → I realized that…
    Benefits:
  • Stronger agency, voice, specificity.
  • Fewer generic, over-philosophical openings.

3. Power Verbs Audit

  1. Underline every verb in the draft.
  2. Notice patterns: over-use of “was,” “had,” “got,” passive constructions.
  3. Cross out weak verbs; replace with vivid, precise alternatives.
    • “Was walking” → “strode,” “shuffled,” “charged.”
    • “Got angry” → “flared,” “snapped,” “seethed.”
  4. Synergy with Subject Audit: clear doer + active verb = energetic prose.

Balancing Showing vs. Telling

  • Showing (red/yellow/blue) pulls reader into moment.
  • Telling (gray/green/pink) provides reflection, meaning, context.
  • Ideal essay oscillates: scene → reflection → implication.
  • Test: If reader can see, hear, or feel each turning point and understand why it matters, balance is good.

Real-World & Ethical Implications

  • Admissions readers crave authentic individuality, not abstract perfection.
  • Overusing generic abstractions can erase personal voice and feel plagiaristic (many essays sound alike).
  • Ethical communication = honest depiction of emotion without manipulation; humor is legitimate but must not trivialize hardship.
  • Reflecting on failure (e.g., a failed test) shows resilience more credibly than boasting about success.

Workshop Logistics & Next Steps

  • Suggested workflow during class:
    • 5-minute read-through + color coding
    • 1 additional minute to jot structural observations
    • Switch to Subject & Verb audits (about 4–5 minutes each).
  • Lunch break scheduled 11{:}45–13{:}15; afternoon session begins 13{:}30.
  • Save marked-up copy of draft (or use a duplicate) so highlights/edits don’t interfere with later clean versions.
  • Continue audits post-workshop; integrate changes, then re-color-code to verify improved balance.

Quick Reference Cheat-Sheet

  • Sensory check: Use senses purposefully; avoid overload.
  • Emotional memory: Show inner reality; layer adjectives/events.
  • Color key: Red–action, Yellow–description, Blue–feelings, Gray–reasoning, Green–evidence, Pink–message.
  • Revision mantras:
    • “Find the doer.”
    • “Upgrade the verb.”
    • “Balance the palette.”
  • Ultimate goal: a draft that engages, reveals, and convinces the reader of your unique story and character.