08/28 The Nature of Conflict
What is conflict?
Conflict is a perceived divergence of interests—the belief that both parties’ goals cannot be achieved simultaneously.
In a word: INCOMPATIBILITY.
It can involve: Needs, Goals, Opinions, Values, Emotions, Interests, etc.
Sources that Contribute to Conflict
Wheel of conflict: One way of understanding the sources that are at the root of most conflicts.
Core idea: Human needs are at the core of all conflicts.
Needs are embedded in contextual factors that generate and escalate conflict.
CLIP
An example… Which sources are contributing to this conflict? CLIP
CLIP stands for: Communication, Emotions, Values, Structure, History.
Brief idea: These sources can contribute to or amplify conflict.
Communication
Human communication is imperfect
Conflict often escalates because we assume we have communicated clearly when we have not
Emotions
energy that fuels conflict
Can blur the truth and cause irrational behavior
quick escalations of conflict and interfere with calm, rational discussions of problems, etc.
Values
Beliefs we have about what is important, right and wrong, and what principles we stick to
Because values are so defining and important, conflicts over values are usually harder to resolve
We feel our values are under attack, which makes us feel that WE are under attack
Harder to compromise because we feel that we are compromising who we are and our integrity
Structure
contextual factors that are external to us
if you take the same two people who have the conflict and put them in another situation would the conflict still arise?
Time, geographic constraints, legal requirements, available resources, the norms of rules in the environment, etc.
e.g. a company that creates aa win-lose system of reward (only best report will be selected or receive a bonus)
History
Conflict cannot be understood independent of its historical context (e.g. past relationship events)
History provides momentum for the development of conflict → changes our perceptions of people’s motives, sensitivity to certain actions, etc.
How we experience conflict
Conflict is experienced along three dimensions:
As behavior: The precipitating event; the behavior that one or both parties engaged in that initiated or perpetuated the conflict.
As perceptions: The belief by at least one person that there is an incompatibility, disagreement, or conflict.
As feelings: An emotional reaction to a situation or interaction (e.g., hurt, anger, disappointment).
How we describe the conflict
The way we describe the conflict gives insight into how we are primarily experiencing it and what needs to be done to fix it:
Behavior example: “What you said to the boss probably really affected how she thinks of me.”
Perceptions example: “I believe you are trying to make me look bad in front of the boss.”
Feelings example: “I feel betrayed by you.”
The Power of Perception
Scenario: You are at a new-employee orientation at a company.
Banquet lunch; you sit at a table; you introduce yourself and offer a handshake.
The woman next to you does not shake your hand; she says, curtly, “hi, I’m Sandra,” and stays quiet.
The boss then stands up and begins the orientation speech; you both turn your attention to the front.
Point: Perception and initial interactions shape how a conflict may unfold.
The Ladder of Assumptions
In conflict situations, we quickly climb a ladder of assumptions.
Structure:
Actions
Rung 4: Generalizations (the way we categorize the other person)
Rung 3: Motives (the motives/attitudes we attribute to the other person)
Rung 2: Interpretations (how we interpret the facts we perceive)
Rung 1: Facts (the portion of the event that we are able to take in)
Each rung informs the next, and leads to actions.
Ladder #1, Ladder #2, Ladder #3 (examples from the slides)
Ladder #1
Facts: Woman did not shake my hand/didn’t engage in conversation.
Interpretation: She intentionally refused my handshake and practically ignored me.
Motives: She probably thinks she’s above me—too cool to talk to me and too pristine to shake my hand.
Generalizations: She seems like a stuck-up snob.
Actions (at work): Resentment, engage in negative gossip, avoid.
Emotions: ANGRY (resent; gossip); REJECTED (avoid); NEUTRAL (neutral).
Ladder #2
Facts: Woman did not shake my hand/didn’t engage in conversation.
Interpretation: She intentionally refused my handshake and practically ignored me.
Motives: She is probably nervous and feels anxious talking to new people.
Generalizations: She is probably nervous and could use a friend.
Actions (at work): Befriend.
Emotions: (not explicitly listed beyond the general categories shown).
Ladder #3
Facts: Woman did not shake my hand/didn’t engage in conversation.
Interpretation: She seemed distracted and did not see my hand there.
Motives: She is probably nervous and feels anxious talking to new people.
Generalizations: She seems like she could be a considerate person.
Actions (at work): Act cordial.
Emotions: (not explicitly listed beyond the general categories shown).
Ladder #4 (implied consolidation across ladders)
Facts: Same basic observation about the handshake.
Interpretation: Varies by ladder (ranging from intentional disregard to situational factors like distraction or illness).
Motives: Varies correspondingly (from arrogance to nervousness to illness concerns).
Generalizations: Varies from “stuck-up” to “shy” to “considerate.”
Actions: Varies from resentment and gossip to befriending to cordial behavior.
Your own ladder of assumptions
Exercise: Think of a time you felt hurt, angry, disappointed, or annoyed with someone.
Describe the ladder you climbed:
The facts
Your interpretation of the facts
The motive you assigned this person
The generalizations you made about this person
The actions you took
Write at least one alternative ladder:
Could there be another way to interpret this person’s behavior?
Could this person have had a different motive?
How would climbing a different ladder have changed your actions?