Chapter 4 Social Cognition

Social Cognition – How we think about relationships and the people in them. It includes how we perceive, remember, and judge others.

Primacy Effect – First impressions matter! The first things we learn about someone shape how we see them later, even if new info says otherwise.

• Example: If you meet someone and they seem kind, you’ll likely keep seeing them that way, even if they act rudely later.

Confirmation Bias – We look for information that proves what we already believe and ignore anything that contradicts it.

• Example: If you think your partner is bad at remembering birthdays, you’ll notice every time they forget one but ignore when they remember.

Overconfidence – Thinking we’re more right about things than we actually are.

• Example: You might believe you know your partner so well that you can predict their every move—but often, you’re wrong.

Positive Illusions – Seeing our partner as better than they really are, which actually helps relationships.

• Example: You might believe your partner is the funniest person ever, even when others don’t think so.

Attributions – The explanations we make for why people do things.

• Example: If your partner forgets to text you back, do you think they’re busy (external reason) or that they don’t care (internal reason)?

Actor/Observer Effects – We blame our own mistakes on outside factors but blame others’ mistakes on their personality.

• Example: If you snap at your partner, you say it’s because you had a stressful day. If they snap at you, you think they’re just being mean.

Self-Serving Bias – Taking credit for good things but blaming bad things on something else.

• Example: If your relationship is going well, you think it’s because you’re a great partner. If it’s going badly, you blame your partner.

Reconstructive Memory – Our memories change over time, shaped by what we believe now.

• Example: If you’re happy in your relationship, you might remember your first date as amazing. If you’re unhappy, you might remember it as awkward.

Marital Paradigms – What we believe about marriage and how it should work.

• Example: Some people believe marriage should last no matter what, while others think it’s okay to leave if things aren’t working.

Destiny Beliefs – Thinking relationships are either “meant to be” or not.

• Example: If you believe in destiny, you might give up on a relationship at the first big argument, thinking it wasn’t “meant to be.”

Growth Beliefs – Believing that relationships take effort and can improve over time.

• Example: Instead of giving up after a fight, you work through problems because you believe love can grow.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies – When we expect something to happen and act in ways that make it come true.

• Example: If you think your partner will forget your anniversary, you might act distant, which makes them less likely to plan anything—proving you right.

Self-Concepts – How we see ourselves and how that affects our relationships.

• Example: If you think you’re unlovable, you might push people away—even if they truly care about you.

Self-Enhancement – Wanting compliments and positive feedback to feel good about ourselves.

• Example: You feel great when your partner tells you that you look amazing or that you’re smart.

Self-Verification – Wanting feedback that matches what we already believe about ourselves.

• Example: If you think you’re a bad cook, you might ignore compliments on your cooking and focus on any criticism.

Implicit Attitudes – Unconscious feelings and biases we have toward people.

• Example: You might trust someone just because they remind you of a close friend, without realizing why.

Transference – Treating new people based on past experiences with others.

• Example: If your ex was unfaithful, you might assume your new partner will cheat, even if they give no reason to doubt them.

Impression Management – Controlling how others see us.

• Example: Posting only happy photos of your relationship online to make it look perfect.

Ingratiation – Trying to make others like us by being extra nice.

• Example: Complimenting your partner a lot or agreeing with them just to stay on their good side.

Self-Promotion – Showing off to impress others.

• Example: Highlighting all the nice things you do for your partner so they see you as a great partner.

Intimidation – Using fear or dominance to control others.

• Example: Acting tough or raising your voice to get your way in an argument.

Supplication – Acting weak or helpless to get sympathy or help.

• Example: Saying, “I just can’t do anything right without you,” so your partner takes over tasks.

Self-Monitoring – Changing how we act based on who we’re around.

• Example: Acting more formal around in-laws but relaxed and goofy with friends.

Emotional Intelligence – The ability to understand and manage emotions (both yours and others’).

• Example: Noticing when your partner is upset and knowing how to comfort them.