Chp 9: Relationship Maintenance
Chp 9: Relationship Maintenance
BOOK: pgs. 131-141
PDF: pgs. 141-151
What you need to Know
- Define relationship maintenance
- Meta-communicative
- Social Exchange theory
- Communication Privacy Management Deliberate Confidant, Boundary Turbulence
- Dialectical Tensions (connection versus autonomy, inclusion versus seclusion, certainty versus uncertainty-also known as predictability versus novelty)
- 6 Suggestions for keeping social relationships alive
Relationship Maintenance
- Relationship maintenance - the work that we do to keep a relationship going where both partners are happy.
- Positivity - communication that is optimistic and upbeat
- Assurances - when partners communicate their commitment to each other and the relationship
- Sharing tasks - communication by respecting one another
- Acceptance - we make our partners feel like we will care for them no matter what
- Self-disclosure - revealing things about ourselves
- Social networks - spending time with and getting to know one another’s “circles’ and families
- Relationship talks - we discuss our relationship with our partners
Social Exchange Theory
- Social Exchange Theory - we evaluate costs and benefits in order to decide worth and future of relationships
- Minimax Principle - we try to maximize benefits, and minimize costs in relationships
- If relationship benefits > costs, continue!
- If relationship benefits < costs, end it
- Relationship worth = rewards - costs
Social Exchange
- Comparison Level (CL)
- Definition: General expectations for the relationship type
- If current relationship exceeds the CL, then satisfied
- Comparison Level of Alternatives (CLalt)
- Definition: Comparison of current relationship with other available alternative relationships (or no relationship)
- If the current relationships are better than alternatives, stay
Everyday Talk
- Everyday talk is as important, if not more so, than the “bigger” conversations in relationships
- Relationships are made up from and managed through conversations/talking
- Relationships are always in the process of becoming and are not static
- Have you heard about Dannie and Annie’s Story? https://youtu.be/WNfvuJr9164
Communication Privacy Management
- Communication privacy management - the way people manage private matters shared with others. We negotiate how to manage private information within our relationships
- We all have private information
- Info. we believe we have the right to own and share or not share.
CPM - Comm. Privacy Mgmt.
- When we share, we become co-owners of the information
- Often, we are deliberate in sharing information
- We all have private information to share
- Deliberate confidants---those we intentionally share private information
- Boundary linkage-sharing info with others
- Boundary turbulence occurs when information shared is revealed to others
Everyday Talk
- Talk constructs relationships
- Talk can change relationships
- Most of our relationships are made up of everyday talk--key to maintaining relationships
Relational Dialectics
- Relational Dialectics Theory - how we negotiate our relationships over time
- Dialectical Tensions
- Experience of opposing yet unified needs or desires within a relationship
3 Dialectical Tensions
- Integration and separation (connection versus autonomy)
- Stability and change (predictability versus novelty or certainty versus uncertainty)
- Expression and non-expression (openness vs. closedness -- amount of disclosure)
Managing Tensions
- Spiraling inversion-cycle back and forth from attending to each other’s needs
- Segmentation-talk about some things and not others
- Balance-compromise; partially fulfill a need
- Reaffirmation - acception
Dialogic Communication in On-Going Relationships
- Embrace new experiences
- Keep a happy balance
- Privilege quality and quantity time
- Demonstrate fidelity to the relationship
- Avoid judging or controlling your partner
- Celebrate commonalities and appreciate differences
- Give your partner space
Key Terms
- Relationship maintenance - the work we do to keep a relationship going and in a condition with which both partners are happy
- Meta-communicative - communication about communication
- Social Exchange Theory - a theory suggesting that relationship behavior is regulated by the evaluation of perceived rewards and costs of the interaction by both sides
- Minimax principle - principle describing the tendency to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs in relationships
- Comparison level - our general expectations for a certain type of relationship, such as a friendship or romantic relationship
- Comparison level of alternatives - expectations arising from comparing existing relationships to other possible relationships
- Communication privacy management - a theory that offers a map of the way people manage private matters that are shared with others
- Private information - information we believe we have the right to own
- Deliberate confidant - a person with whom we intentionally share information meant to be kept in confidence
- Boundary linkage - the practice of sharing private information with another individual
- Boundary ownership - the rights and responsibilities we ascribe to the person with whom we share private information
- Boundary permeability - the degree to which a confidant can share private information with others
- Boundary turbulence - occurs when information we believe is private and shared in confidence is broadcast to other parties
- Everyday talk - an interaction that includes mundane, ordinary conversations across our daily experience, making up our relationships in addition to the more noticeable, “bigger” moments, such as our first big fight or a marriage ceremony
- Dialectical tensions - tensions that occur because we simultaneously have several essential yet oppositional needs or desires within our relationships
- Connection and autonomy - the internal dialectical tension of integration and separation; spending time with a partner and spending time alone
- Inclusion and seclusion - the external dialectical tension of integration and separation; spending time alone as a couple and spending time as a couple with others
- Certainty and uncertainty - the internal form of the stability and change dialectic; the desire to count on things to occur and the desire to have novelty in the relationship
- Openness and closedness - the internal form of the expression and nonexpression dialectic; refers to the degree of disclosure partners have with one another
- Revelation and concealment - the external form of the expression and nonexpression dialectic; refers to what couples share with the community and what they do not
- Spiraling inversion - method of managing tensions that takes place when we alternate back and forth between attending to our needs
- Segmentation - method of managing tensions that takes place when we choose to privilege the parts of the dialectical pair based on different contexts
- Balance - method of managing tensions that takes place when we try to find a compromise that allows us to partly fill each need while also sacrificing some of each need
- Integration - method of managing tensions that takes place when you are able to completely fulfill both opposing forces at the same time without sacrificing part of either one
- Recalibration - method of managing tensions that involves reframing the contradiction so you do not see the two opposing forces as being in contradiction with one another
- Reaffirmation - method of managing tensions that involves accepting that you cannot reconcile the contradiction and celebrate what the dialectical tension means for the couple’s unity
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