2319 Jan 29 - WEEK 4
CHAPTER 5: RELATIONAL MAINTENANCE WITHIN FAMILIES
Introduction to Relational Maintenance
Relational maintenance refers to the actions and activities used to preserve and improve relationships within families.
It involves various behaviors to keep a relationship alive, connected, and satisfactory.
Different Family Relationships
Routine behaviors: Everyday interactions that help maintain connections.
Strategic behaviors: Explicit efforts directed towards relationship maintenance.
Importance of regular interactions for strengthening family ties.
Relational Maintenance Strategies
Positivity: Communicating in a cheerful and optimistic manner.
Openness: Self-disclosing thoughts and feelings and discussing relational issues.
Assurances: Conveying messages of affection and support, indicating a commitment to the relationship's future.
Maintaining social networks: Engaging family and friends in activities, fostering mutual support.
Sharing tasks: Performing household tasks equitably to convey a sense of fairness.
Social Networking and Relationships
Discussion Prompt
Consider whether social networking sites like Meta and Instagram increase a couple's likelihood of sharing social networks to maintain their relationship.
Technology and Relationships
Discuss the role of modern technology, including relationships portrayed in media (e.g., the film 'Her' starring Joaquin Phoenix).
Parent and Child Relational Maintenance
Responsibility for relational maintenance develops over time among family members.
Complex family structures (e.g., stepfamilies) require focused attention on maintaining relationships.
Culturally diverse families add a layer of complexity to relational maintenance.
Siblings are connected involuntarily but often share a commitment that goes beyond obligatory ties.
Maintaining Sibling Relationships
Discussion Prompt
Recommendations for siblings facing practical separation (e.g., living in different places after college) to maintain closeness.
Maintenance Through Confirmation
Confirmation: Communication that validates a person's status as a valued individual.
Qualities of confirming messages:
Acknowledgment of existence.
Affirmation through responses.
Reflection of the other’s experiences.
Willingness to engage.
Roadblocks to Listening
Common barriers to effective listening:
Directing, warning, advising, persuading, moralizing, judging.
Other barriers include agreeing, shaming, analyzing, probing, reassuring, and distracting.
Example of Listening Dynamics
Dialogues that illustrate effective empathic listening between brothers discussing a tough day and personal matters, highlighting reflections and affirmations.
Psychological Safety
Psychological safety is defined as the belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for sharing ideas or making mistakes.
Strongly linked to positive teamwork outcomes and productivity.
Maintenance Through Rituals
Rituals: Regular communication events that connect family members meaningfully.
Types of family rituals include celebrations and traditions that help maintain family identity.
Couple rituals: Expressions of affection and shared activities that signal a developing relational culture.
Couple Ritual Examples
A couple commemorates their mortgage anniversary with a trip highlights the significance of shared rituals.
Qualitative Research Assignment
Purpose includes practicing research skills and reflecting on family life through others' perspectives via interviews about family rituals.
Questions might include:
Nature of the ritual.
Engagement in the ritual.
Family members' feelings about the ritual.
Analysis should determine if rituals are routine or strategic, noting similarities and differences between them.
Maintenance Through Relational Currencies
Relational currencies include communication behaviors that signify affection:
Positive verbal statements (encouragement, praise).
Self-disclosure of personal information.
Active listening.
Positive nonverbal feedback and physical touch.
Chapter 6: Intimacy Within Families
Understanding Intimacy
Intimacy is characterized as a transactional process where individuals communicate transparently and responsively, fostering closeness.
Intimacy encompasses emotions like love, warmth, passion, and joy.
Family Intimacy
Defined as interpersonal devotion across various dimensions, involving shared knowledge and understanding among family members.
Importance of Commitment
Commitment: An ongoing choice to maintain a relationship, driven by intrinsic desires and rewards inherent in the relationship.
Social Contract Hypothesis
Language emerged to signal commitment between partners, highlighting its social nature.
Maintaining Social Bonds
Role of communication (gossip) in maintaining social bonds and relationships among humans, paralleling grooming behaviors in other primates.
Parenting and Alloparenting
Exploration of diverse roles within family structures impacting relational dynamics and intimacy.
Factors Affecting Intimacy
Effort: Families must actively engage in relationships to prevent stagnation.
Sacrifice: Choosing to give up personal interests for the benefit of others strengthens connections.
Forgiveness: A process of acknowledging harmful conduct and renegotiating relationship meanings.
Sanctification: Recognizing aspects of life with spiritual significance as a source of relational closeness.
Recommended Reading
List of relationship books to improve understanding and maintenance of intimacy, including:
"The 5 Love Languages" (Gary Chapman)
"Getting the Love You Want" (Harville Hendrix)
"Hold Me Tight" (Sue Johnson)
Maintaining Intimacy Across Diverse Family Forms
Quality in same-sex relationships built on equality, attraction, and shared decision-making.
Relational growth in stepfamilies may take longer but can be deeply fulfilling.
Single parents often seek intimacy and support from extended family members.
Conclusion on Love and Relationships
Erich Fromm emphasizes that love is primarily about giving rather than receiving, focusing on the active concern for the growth of loved ones.