2319 Jan 29 - WEEK 4

CHAPTER 5: RELATIONAL MAINTENANCE WITHIN FAMILIES

Introduction to Relational Maintenance

• Relational maintenance refers to the actions and activities used to preserve and improve relationships within families.

• It involves various behaviors to keep a relationship alive, connected, and satisfactory.

Different Family Relationships

• Routine behaviors: Everyday interactions that help maintain connections.

• Strategic behaviors: Explicit efforts directed towards relationship maintenance.

• Importance of regular interactions for strengthening family ties.

Relational Maintenance Strategies

• Positivity: Communicating in a cheerful and optimistic manner.

• Openness: Self-disclosing thoughts and feelings and discussing relational issues.

• Assurances: Conveying messages of affection and support, indicating a commitment to the relationship's future.

• Maintaining social networks: Engaging family and friends in activities, fostering mutual support.

• Sharing tasks: Performing household tasks equitably to convey a sense of fairness.

Social Networking and Relationships

Discussion Prompt

• Consider whether social networking sites like Meta and Instagram increase a couple's likelihood of sharing social networks to maintain their relationship.

Technology and Relationships

• Discuss the role of modern technology, including relationships portrayed in media (e.g., the film 'Her' starring Joaquin Phoenix).

Parent and Child Relational Maintenance

• Responsibility for relational maintenance develops over time among family members.

• Complex family structures (e.g., stepfamilies) require focused attention on maintaining relationships.

• Culturally diverse families add a layer of complexity to relational maintenance.

• Siblings are connected involuntarily but often share a commitment that goes beyond obligatory ties.

Maintaining Sibling Relationships

Discussion Prompt

• Recommendations for siblings facing practical separation (e.g., living in different places after college) to maintain closeness.

Maintenance Through Confirmation

• Confirmation: Communication that validates a person's status as a valued individual.

• Qualities of confirming messages:

  1. Acknowledgment of existence.

  2. Affirmation through responses.

  3. Reflection of the other’s experiences.

  4. Willingness to engage.

Roadblocks to Listening

• Common barriers to effective listening:

  • Directing, warning, advising, persuading, moralizing, judging.

  • Other barriers include agreeing, shaming, analyzing, probing, reassuring, and distracting.

Example of Listening Dynamics

• Dialogues that illustrate effective empathic listening between brothers discussing a tough day and personal matters, highlighting reflections and affirmations.

Psychological Safety

• Psychological safety is defined as the belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for sharing ideas or making mistakes.

• Strongly linked to positive teamwork outcomes and productivity.

Maintenance Through Rituals

• Rituals: Regular communication events that connect family members meaningfully.

• Types of family rituals include celebrations and traditions that help maintain family identity.

• Couple rituals: Expressions of affection and shared activities that signal a developing relational culture.

Couple Ritual Examples

• A couple commemorates their mortgage anniversary with a trip highlights the significance of shared rituals.

Qualitative Research Assignment

• Purpose includes practicing research skills and reflecting on family life through others' perspectives via interviews about family rituals.

• Questions might include:

  1. Nature of the ritual.

  2. Engagement in the ritual.

  3. Family members' feelings about the ritual.

• Analysis should determine if rituals are routine or strategic, noting similarities and differences between them.

Maintenance Through Relational Currencies

• Relational currencies include communication behaviors that signify affection:

  • Positive verbal statements (encouragement, praise).

  • Self-disclosure of personal information.

  • Active listening.

  • Positive nonverbal feedback and physical touch.

Chapter 6: Intimacy Within Families

Understanding Intimacy

• Intimacy is characterized as a transactional process where individuals communicate transparently and responsively, fostering closeness.

• Intimacy encompasses emotions like love, warmth, passion, and joy.

Family Intimacy

• Defined as interpersonal devotion across various dimensions, involving shared knowledge and understanding among family members.

Importance of Commitment

• Commitment: An ongoing choice to maintain a relationship, driven by intrinsic desires and rewards inherent in the relationship.

Social Contract Hypothesis

• Language emerged to signal commitment between partners, highlighting its social nature.

Maintaining Social Bonds

• Role of communication (gossip) in maintaining social bonds and relationships among humans, paralleling grooming behaviors in other primates.

Parenting and Alloparenting

• Exploration of diverse roles within family structures impacting relational dynamics and intimacy.

Factors Affecting Intimacy

• Effort: Families must actively engage in relationships to prevent stagnation.

• Sacrifice: Choosing to give up personal interests for the benefit of others strengthens connections.

• Forgiveness: A process of acknowledging harmful conduct and renegotiating relationship meanings.

• Sanctification: Recognizing aspects of life with spiritual significance as a source of relational closeness.

Recommended Reading

• List of relationship books to improve understanding and maintenance of intimacy, including:

  • "The 5 Love Languages" (Gary Chapman)

  • "Getting the Love You Want" (Harville Hendrix)

  • "Hold Me Tight" (Sue Johnson)

Maintaining Intimacy Across Diverse Family Forms

• Quality in same-sex relationships built on equality, attraction, and shared decision-making.

• Relational growth in stepfamilies may take longer but can be deeply fulfilling.

• Single parents often seek intimacy and support from extended family members.

Conclusion on Love and Relationships

• Erich Fromm emphasizes that love is primarily about giving rather than receiving, focusing on the active concern for the growth of loved ones.