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Dialectical Tensions Notes

  • Proposed by Dr. Baxter, relates to relational dynamics in all types of personal relationships (friendships, family, romantic).
  • Conflicts arise from navigating opposing forces in relationships, referred to as dialectical tensions.
  • Described using a yardstick metaphor: individuals fall on different points on their respective yardsticks, leading to unique experiences of these tensions.
Types of Dialectical Tensions
Internal vs. External Tensions
  • Internal Tensions:
    • Experienced within the couple (e.g., husband and wife).
  • External Tensions:
    • Tensions experienced between the couple and the outside world.
Dialectics Focus Areas

  1. Integration vs. Separation

    • Desire for connection with a partner while also seeking autonomy.
    • Internal Example: Connection and autonomy.
    • Example: Robert wants more togetherness with Navita but values their individual interests.
    • External Example: Inclusion vs. Seclusion.
    • Example: Mike and Ed feel they are letting down their families as they choose to spend time alone instead of attending family events.

  2. Stability vs. Change

    • Desire for predictability and routines against the need for novelty and excitement.
    • Internal Example: Predictability and novelty.
    • Example: Dan appreciates the routine with Kate but desires occasional surprises to break monotony.
    • External Example: Conventionality vs. Uniqueness.
    • Example: Quinn and Tanner face family pressure about expectations (staying home with children) versus their decision to adopt later in life.

  3. Expression vs. Privacy

    • Desire for intimacy and openness versus maintaining privacy or keeping certain thoughts to oneself.
    • Internal Example: Openness vs. Closeness.
    • Example Scenario: Navigating honesty about views of a partner's family while balancing kindness and commitment.
    • External Example: Revelation vs. Concealment.
    • Example: A partner shares everything with friends while the other prefers privacy, creating tension.
  • Individuals have different comfort levels regarding these tensions (e.g., some might prefer more predictability, while others enjoy novelty).
  • Awareness of these tensions can help in managing relationships more effectively.
  • Emphasize the balance needed in expressing personal desires and preferences along with those of the partner.
Conclusion
  • Recognizing and understanding dialectical tensions is crucial for relationship dynamics.
  • Operate at varying levels of comfort with aspects of relationships at play.
  • Encouragement to observe these dynamics within one’s own relationships and reflect on personal preferences.