10. Intimacy & Attraction

1. WHAT LEADS TO FRIENDSHIP AND ATTRACTION?

Key Factors

• Proximity

  • Geographic nearness encourages friendship (e.g., same entrances, recreation areas).

  • Random roommates in college often become friends due to frequent interactions (Newcomb, 1961).

  • Anticipatory liking enhances feelings of attraction.

    • Example: If A hears positive things about B, A is more likely to want to meet and like B.

• Physical Attractiveness

  • Women generally prefer warm, kind partners over just attractive ones (Bertrand Russell, 1930).

  • The principle of 'matching phenomenon' implies that partners tend to choose those with similar attractiveness levels.

  • Physical-Attractiveness Stereotype (PAS): Tendency to associate physical attractiveness with positive personality traits, such as intelligence and kindness. People deemed attractive often receive preferential treatment and higher social status, impacting social interactions.

• Similarity

  • Shared attitudes and values strengthen bonds of friendship.

  • Complementarity can evolve over time but similar personalities are often more attractive.

• Feeling Liked

  • Liking is typically mutual; if someone is informed that others admire them, they often reciprocate those feelings.

  • Critiques hold more weight than praise; people sensitive to negative feedback may struggle with self-esteem issues.

Proximity & Familiarity

• Mere-exposure effect: Repeated exposure to someone typically makes them more likable.

• Familiarity breeds liking and perceived goodness.

Physical Attractiveness Insights

• Beauty often follows cultural standards, yet average-looking individuals with a good personality may be rated higher in long-term attractiveness.

• Physical attractiveness signals biological health, youth, and fertility.

2. WHAT IS LOVE?

• Love integrates emotions, cognition, and close relationships (Baron & Byrne, 2007).

• “Someone cannot love without being attracted” but implies that attraction can encompass more than just physical attraction.

• Reward Theory of Attraction: This theory posits that people are drawn to others who provide them with rewards, whether those are emotional support, companionship, or physical pleasure, thereby enhancing their overall satisfaction in relationships.

• Sternberg’s Triangular Model of Love:

  1. Intimacy

  2. Passion

  3. Commitment

• Types of love styles:

  • Eros: Passionate love. (Intense emotions)

  • Storge: Companionate love.

  • Ludus: Game-playing love. (emotion is often more casual and playfu)

  • Mania: Possessive love.

  • Pragma: Logical love.

    This type of love may prioritize stability and mutual advantages in the relationship, focusing on long-term success.

  • Agape: Selfless love.

    Characterized by unconditional care, concern, and commitment to another person's well-being. Often exemplified by parental love.

3. WHAT ENABLES CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS?

Essential Components

1. Attachment Styles

   • Secure: Trust and intimacy.

   • Preoccupied: Anxiety and possessiveness.

   • Dismissive: Distrust of others.

   • Fearful: Fear of rejection.

2. Equity

   • Balance in outcomes versus contributions in relationships.

3. Self-Disclosure

   • The process of revealing personal, intimate aspects of oneself.

   • Previously, gender roles influenced openness; today, this is changing towards mutual disclosure.

4. HOW DO RELATIONSHIPS END?

Major Reasons for Relationship Termination

1. Divorce Factors

   • Indicators for lasting marriage:

     • Married after age 20

     • Stable childhood environments

     • Long courting periods

     • Education levels aligned

     • Good job stability

     • Small town living

     • Religious commitment

2. Detachment Process

   Refers to the various ways individuals respond to relationship challenges leading to potential end

   • Passive Responses: Loyalty in hopes of improvement.

   • Active Responses: Seeking to resolve issues through discussion or exiting the relationship.

Conclusion

• Love grows by sharing; personal fulfillment comes from community connection. - Brian Tracy