Epictetus Enchiridion Excerpts (1-3) – Key Concepts

1. The Dichotomy of Control

Epictetus opens by distinguishing between what is in our control and what is not. Things within our control include opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, more generally, our own actions. Things not in our control include the body, property, reputation, command, and, in summary, anything that is not our own actions. The in-control realm is by nature free, unrestrained, and unhindered, while the not-in-control realm is weak, slavish, restrained, and belonging to others. If you confuse these domains—believing that things inherently slavish are free or that what belongs to others is your own—you will be hindered, lamenting, disturbed, and blaming both gods and men. Conversely, if you recognize that only what is truly your own is yours, and that what belongs to others is as it really is, you will not be compelled or restrained by external things. You will blame no one, act in accordance with your will, and you will have no enemies or harms directed at you. The practical aim is to learn to address every harsh appearance by saying, “You are but an appearance, and not absolutely the thing you appear to be,” and to examine it under the guiding rule of the dichotomy: does it concern things in our control or not? If it concerns what is not in our control, be prepared to conclude that it is nothing to you.

\mathcal{C} = {\text{opinion}, \text{pursuit}, \text{desire}, \text{aversion}, \text{own actions}}
\mathcal{N} = {\text{body}, \text{property}, \text{reputation}, \text{command}, \text{etc.}}

2. Desires, Aversion, and the Natural Use of Faculties

Following desire promises the attainment of whatever is desired; aversion promises avoiding what one is averse to. If you fail to obtain the object of desire you become disappointed; if you encounter what you avers to you become wretched. The remedy is to constrain aversion to objects that are contrary to the natural use of your faculties—objects within your own control—and to avoid becoming averse to things that lie outside your natural domain. To prevent disappointment, suppress desire for things not in your control altogether and, for what remains in your control, pursue them with moderation. Use only the appropriate actions of pursuit and avoidance, and do so lightly, gently, and with restraint.

3. Delight, Use, and the General Nature of Things

When you encounter objects that delight you, are useful, or are deeply loved, remind yourself of their general nature and begin with small, trivial instances. If you remain fond of a particular ceramic cup, remember you are fond of ceramic cups in general; if it breaks, you will be undisturbed. If you kiss your child or your wife, remind yourself that you are kissing a human being in general, so their death would not disturb you. This practice of widening the scope helps maintain equanimity when specific instances fail or end.

4. Acting in a State Conformable to Nature

Before undertaking any action, remind yourself of the nature of that action. For example, in going to bathe, imagine what commonly happens: some splash water, some push, some use abusive language, others steal. By anticipating these possibilities and stating, “I will now go bathe, and keep my own mind in a state conformable to nature,” you prepare your mind to respond calmly. If hindrances arise during bathing, you can respond with, “It was not only to bathe that I desired, but to keep my mind in a state conformable to nature; I will not keep it if I am bothered by what happens.” This attitude can be applied to all actions.

8. Accepting Events as They Happen

Don’t demand that things occur as you wish; instead, hope that they occur as they do. By aligning your wishes with reality, you will fare better.

9. Sickness and Lameness as Hindrances to External Things, not to Choice

Sickness hinders the body but not your capacity to choose unless you give that capacity up. Lameness hinders the leg but not your capacity to choose. Apply this understanding to everything that happens, recognizing that obstacles appear as hindrances to something else, not to your will.

10. Using Accidents to Develop Virtue

With every accident, ask yourself what abilities you have to respond well. If you see an attractive person, self-restraint is your available virtue against desire. If you are in pain, fortitude is available. If you hear unpleasant language, patience. Through habitual practice, appearances of things will no longer hurry you away with them.

11. Reframing Loss: From “I have lost it” to “I have returned it”

Do not say that you have lost anything. Instead, say it has been returned. If your child dies or your wife dies or your estate is taken away, the event has been returned. Even if someone took it away, you are not harmed by who the giver assigns to take it back. While you possess things, take care of them; but do not view them as truly yours—much like travelers view a hotel.

12. Improving by Reframing the Cost of Equanimity

If you are tempted to justify worry by appealing to income or the misbehavior of a servant, reject such reasoning. It is better to die with hunger and freedom from grief and fear than to live in affluence with perturbation; and even if your servant is bad, your own peace is more important than his virtue. Begin with small things: if a little oil spills or a little wine is stolen, tell yourself this is the price of equanimity, tranquillity, and that nothing is to be had for nothing. A servant may not come or may not do what you want, but he is not so important that he can disturb you.

13. The Stoic Balance: Avoiding External Prestige

If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid regarding external things. Do not seek to be known for wisdom; distrust yourself. It is difficult to keep the faculty of choice aligned with nature while also acquiring external things. To maintain one, you must neglect the other.

14. Freedom Comes from Not Acting for External Ends

If you wish your children, wife, and friends to live forever, you demonstrate foolishness, since you seek to control what cannot be controlled and to possess what belongs to others. Likewise, wanting your servant to be faultless is foolish, because you would wish vice not to be vice but something else. If you wish your desires to be undisappointed, focus on what is within your control. Exercise accordingly. The person who can confer or remove what another wishes to have or avoid can dominate that other. Therefore, if one would be free, one should wish for nothing and decline nothing that depends on others; otherwise, one becomes a slave.

15. Dinner-Party Ethic: Moderation and Self-Restraint

Act with the self-control of a dinner party. If something is brought to you, take your share with moderation. If it passes by, do not chase it; if it has not yet come, do not stretch your desire toward it. Apply this principle to children, a wife, public posts, and riches, and you will become a worthy partner in the feasts of the gods. If you can reject even the provisions set before you, you will share not only in their feasts but in their empire. Diogenes, Heraclitus, and others were called divine for such mastery.

16. Distinguishing Appearance from Reality in Grief

When you see someone grieving because a son has gone abroad or died or suffered in affairs, beware that appearances may misdirect you. In your own mind, distinguish and be prepared to say, “It is not the accident that distresses this person; it is the judgment he makes about it,” since different people react differently to the same event. Do not moan outwardly or inwardly.

42. On Being Harmed by Others: The Other’s Duty and Perception

If someone harms you or speaks badly, remember that he acts from a conviction of duty. He cannot follow what seems right to you but only what seems right to him. If he judges from a false appearance, he is the hurt one, for he is deceived. If anyone deems a true proposition false, the proposition is not harmed by this; the one deceived is. Thus you should meekly endure someone who reviles you by saying, “It seemed so to him.”

43. Two Handles: Carriage and Carrying

Everything has two handles: one by which it can be carried, the other by which it cannot. If a brother acts unjustly, do not seize the matter through the handle of his injustice (which cannot be carried); instead seize it through the opposite handle—that he is your brother, that you were brought up together—so you can carry it as it should be carried.

48. The Proficient: Character, Self-Command, and Attitude Toward External Things

A vulgar person always expects benefit or harm from externals; a philosopher expects all hurt and benefit from himself. The marks of a proficient are: he censures no one, praises no one, blames no one, and accuses no one. He does not claim to know anything about himself or others; when hindered or restrained, he blames himself; when praised, he secretly laughs at the praise; when censured, he offers no defense. He proceeds with the caution of one who is sick or injured, delaying any adjustment until it is properly fixed. He suppresses all desires, transfers aversion only to things that thwart the proper use of his own faculty of choice, and moves with very gentle exertion. If he seems stupid or ignorant, he does not care. He regards himself as an enemy, ever watchful and in ambush. In sum, the proficient lives with measured restraint, focusing on controlling the internal, rather than being swayed by externals. The mindset emphasizes self-command, cautious action, and the disciplined reduction of desires to align with what is within one’s own control.

Source: http://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html 3

1. What You Can and Can't Control

Some things are like your toys: you can choose to play with them how you want! You can pick your favorite game, or decide if you like a new friend. But some things are like the weather: you can't make it sunny if it's rainy, right? We can't control what our body does sometimes, or what other people say, or if someone takes your cookie. If you worry about the weather or other people's cookies, you'll be sad. But if you only worry about your toys and your own choices, you'll be happy!

2. Wanting Things and Not Wanting Things

It's like wanting candy! If you really, really want candy, and you don't get it, you'll be sad. If you don't like getting wet, and it rains, you'll be sad. But if you only don't want things that are your choices, like choosing not to be mad, then you won't be sad. And for wanting good things, try not to want things that are like the weather (things you can't control). Just be gentle and quiet with what you want.

3. Being Happy with Everything

When you love your teddy bear, remember that it's just a teddy bear, like all teddy bears. If your teddy bear breaks, you won't be too sad because you know it's just a toy. If you give your mommy a hug, remember she's a person, and people can go away sometimes. This helps you not be too sad when things happen.

4. Getting Ready for What Happens

Before you go take a bath, think about what might happen: maybe someone splashes, or is loud. If you think, "I'm going to take a bath and stay happy no matter what!" then if someone splashes, you can say, "It's okay, I wanted to stay happy, not just take a bath." You can do this for everything!

8. Being Okay with Things

Don't wish for things to happen exactly the way you want. Instead, wish for them to happen exactly the way they do happen. Then you'll always be happy.

9. When Things Go Wrong

If your leg hurts, it only hurts your leg, not you. If you're sick, it only affects your body, not your choices. Bad things happen to our outside, but they don't have to hurt our inside choices.

10. Using Bad Things to Be Brave

When something bad happens, ask yourself: "How can I be brave right now?" If you see something yummy you shouldn't have, you can use your power to say no. If you feel a boo-boo, you can be brave. If someone says something not nice, you can be patient. Do this a lot, and bad things won't make you rush and be sad.

11. Giving Things Back

Don't say "I lost my toy." Say "My toy went back." If your puppy goes away, it just went back to where it came from. Even if someone takes it, it's okay, because you weren't hurt, the toy just went back. When you have toys, take care of them, but remember they are not really yours forever, just like when you stay at a hotel for a little bit.

12. Being Happy is Important

It's better to be a little bit hungry and happy, than to have lots of yummy food but be scared and sad. If your helper doesn't do what you want, it's okay. Your happiness is more important than if they are perfect. If a little juice spills, or someone takes a crayon, just say "This is the tiny price for staying happy and calm." Your helper is not so important that they can make you sad.

13. Not Trying to Be Cool

If you want to be better at being happy inside, don't worry about being seen as smart or cool by others. Just be happy being silly or quiet sometimes. It's hard to be good at being happy inside and get all the cool toys or be popular. You have to pick one.

14. Being Free to Choose

If you want your friends and family to stay forever, that's not smart, because you can't control that. If you want your helper to be perfect, that's like wanting a tiger to be a fluffy kitty – it's not how they are. If you want to always be happy with what you want, only want things you can choose. If someone can give you what you want or take it away, they can be your boss. So, if you want to be free, don't want or not want things that are up to other people.

15. Eating with Good Manners

When you're at a party, like dinner, take a little bit of food when it comes to you. Don't grab it if it goes by, and don't wish for it before it comes. Do this with wanting friends, a family, or toys, and you'll be a good friend at the grown-up party. If you can even say "No, thank you" to the yummy food, you'll be super good!

16. When Others are Sad

When you see someone sad because their puppy is gone, remember: it's not the puppy being gone that makes them sad. It's what they think about the puppy being gone. Different people feel different about the same thing. So don't be sad on the outside or inside just because someone else is.

42. When Someone is Mean

If someone is mean to you, remember they are doing what they think is right. They can't do what you think is right, only what they think is right. If they think wrong, they are the ones who are hurting themselves, not you. If someone says something mean, just think, "That's what they think." You don't get hurt.

43. Two Handles

Everything is like a cup with two handles. One handle is hard to carry by, like if your brother is mean. That handle says, "My brother is mean!" That's too heavy. The other handle says, "He's my brother, we grew up together!" That handle helps you carry it nicely.

48. Being a Smart Kid

A regular kid looks for good or bad things from outside, like if they get a new toy or if someone is mean. But a super smart kid knows all the good and bad things come from inside themselves. A smart kid doesn't scold anyone, or praise anyone, or blame anyone. They don't pretend to know everything. If something goes wrong, they blame themselves. If someone says "You're so smart!" they secretly giggle. If someone says "You're silly!" they don't get mad. They are super careful, like when you're hurt and you wait for it to get better. They don't want lots of things, and they only don't want things that mess up their own good choices. They