sesi 10 ATTRACTION & INTIMACY

I. WHAT LEADS TO FRIENDSHIP AND ATTRACTION?

1. Proximity (Geographical Nearness)

• People often become friends with those they see frequently.

  • Example: You are more likely to befriend a classmate sitting next to you than someone on the other side of campus.

• Anticipatory Liking – Expecting to interact with someone increases the likelihood of liking them.

  • Example: If you are told you will meet a new group member, you may feel more positively toward them in advance.

• Mere-Exposure Effect – Repeated exposure to something makes it more likable.

  • Example: Hearing a song multiple times makes you enjoy it more.

2. Physical Attractiveness

• Importance of Physical Appearance

  • Men tend to prioritize appearance more than women.

  • Example: Studies show husbands are happier with attractive wives, but wives are less affected by husbands’ looks.

• Who is Considered Attractive?

  • Golden Ratio (1:1.618) – A mathematical proportion linked to beauty.

  • Example: Bella Hadid and Robert Pattinson are rated high on facial symmetry.

  • Physical-Attractiveness Stereotype – Assumption that attractive people possess desirable traits.

  • Example: "What is beautiful is good" – People assume attractive individuals are kinder and smarter.

  • Matching Phenomenon

  • People choose partners of similar attractiveness.

  • Example: Couples of similar attractiveness are common; when one is less attractive, they often compensate with another trait (e.g., humor, wealth).

  • Evolutionary Perspective

  • Men seek women who show fertility signals (youth, low waist-to-hip ratio).

  • Women seek men who provide security (financial stability, strength).

  • Example: Historically, muscles were valued, but today financial stability is more attractive.

3. Similarity

• “Does similarity lead to liking, or does liking lead to similarity?”

  • Studies suggest similarity enhances attraction.

  • Example: Couples who share interests and values tend to stay together longer.

• Complementarity – The idea that opposites attract is weaker; long-term relationships are more successful with shared traits.

4. Feeling Liked (Reciprocity of Liking)

• People like those who like them.

  • Example: If someone compliments you often, you are more likely to develop feelings for them.

• Negative Comments Carry More Weight

  • Criticism is seen as more sincere than praise.

  • Example: One insult can outweigh multiple compliments.

• Low Self-Esteem & Attraction

  • Those with low self-esteem tend to seek social approval more.

  • Example: People who have recently broken up may fall in love quickly.

5. Rewards of Relationships

• Reward Theory of Attraction – We like those who provide rewards or positive experiences.

  • Example: You may like a friend because they make you laugh and support you emotionally.

II. WHAT IS LOVE?

• Love is a mix of emotions, cognition, and behaviors in close relationships.

1. Sternberg’s Triangular Model of Love

1. Intimacy – Emotional closeness.

2. Passion – Physical and sexual attraction.

3. Commitment – Decision to stay together long-term.

2. Styles of Love (Hendricks & Hendricks, 1986)

1. Eros (Passionate Love) – Intense attraction.

   • Example: “Love at first sight.”

2. Storge (Companionate Love) – Deep friendship-based love.

   • Example: A couple who started as best friends.

3. Ludus (Game-Playing Love) – Love as a playful, non-serious game.

   • Example: Someone dating multiple partners secretly.

4. Mania (Possessive Love) – Jealous, obsessive love.

   • Example: Worrying about a partner’s every move.

5. Pragma (Logical Love) – Practical, rational love.

   • Example: Choosing a partner based on career stability.

6. Agape (Selfless Love) – Sacrificial, unconditional love.

   • Example: Prioritizing a partner’s happiness over personal needs.

3. Passionate vs. Companionate Love

• Passionate Love – Intense emotional and physical attraction.

  • Example: Romeo and Juliet.

• Companionate Love – Based on friendship, mutual interests, and long-term commitment.

  • Example: An elderly couple enjoying each other’s company.

III. WHAT ENABLES CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS?

1. Attachment Styles

• Secure Attachment – Trust and intimacy.

• Preoccupied Attachment – Anxiety and possessiveness.

• Dismissive Attachment – Avoidant, distrustful of others.

• Fearful Attachment – Avoidant but wants closeness, fearing rejection.

2. Equity in Relationships

• Relationships are happier when both partners feel they are giving and receiving fairly.

3. Self-Disclosure

• Sharing personal information strengthens relationships.

IV. HOW DO RELATIONSHIPS END?

1. Divorce

• Factors reducing divorce risk:

  • Marrying after age 20.

  • Having stable, two-parent homes.

  • Similar education, values, and financial stability.

2. Detachment Process (Responses to Relationship Distress) (passive & active)

• Loyalty – Waiting for improvement.

• Voice – Openly discussing problems.

• Neglect – Ignoring the partner.

• Exit – Actively leaving the relationship.

V. CONCLUSION

• Attraction and love involve psychological, social, and biological factors.

• Close relationships require mutual effort, understanding, and emotional support.

• Ending relationships can follow patterns based on attachment and personal circumstances.