Chp 4: Dialogic Communication

BOOK: pgs. 49-64

PDF: pgs. 59-74

What you need to know

• What is Dialogue?

• 4 Key Elements (Qualities) of Dialogue:

  • Civility

  • Presentness

  • Unconditional Positive Regard

  • Mutual equality

• Monologue and debate are NOT dialogue (define each)

• Attitudes needed for good dialogue

• NCA credo for ethical communication

• 10 ways to have a better conversation

• Ch. 4 practice quiz: http://fountainheadpress.com/commpath/quizzes/commpath_ch04/

Dialogue, what is it?

• Dialogue - communication that respects others and encourages them to want to listen, while also listening to encourage others to want to speak.

• Dyadic - communication between 2 people

• Takes place in interpersonal communication

• The goal is understanding, not just agreement

• Setting aside power dimensions creates an environment where people are comfortable expressing ideas, even if conflict exists.

Qualities of Dialogue

• Civility (politeness, respect for others and for self)

• Presentness (can you really multitask and listen intentionally at the same time?)

• Unconditional Positive Regard (seeing the good in others)

• Mutual equality

Civility

• Definition: Treating others with respect

• Many people think being civil means being passive, fake, or weak

• Three fundamental parts of civil behavior

  • Politeness - the act of showing consideration for others in accordance w/ societal expectations

    • Often gets confused with “being nice,” or as a tactic for manipulating others

    • People view this as an attempt in hiding something, making them skeptical of other people’s motives

    • Good manners - those polite behaviors that encourage positive relationships w/ others; sometimes legislated

  • Respect for others - the practice of acknowledging the inherent dignity of other ppl as human beings

    • Does not mean subservience or deference

  • Respect for self

  • What is assertiveness vs. aggressiveness?

    • Assertiveness - the practice of clearly, calmly, and confidently making positions and ideas known to others

      • Comfortable knowing one has made their contribution, regardless of whether the idea is adopted by others

    • Aggressiveness - a desire to win, compete or otherwise move the other side to silence

      • Creates a very uncomfortable situation for everyone

      • Can come across in the words we use, the volume and tone of voice we use, and the facial expressions and hand gestures we make.

Presentness

• Giving our full attention at the moment

• Bracket out distractions

• Focus on the conversation

• Difficult to achieve

• Must develop like any skill

• No pseudo listening

Unconditional Positive Regard

• Accepting others with a positive attitude

• Involves taking risks (e.g., trusting others to reciprocate)

• Doesn’t mean you accept what some says

• You want what’s best for both parties

Mutual equality (PDF: p. 64)

• The assumption that each person can make an equal contribution to the interaction

• Actions that create mutual equality

  • Collaboration on a solution

  • Sharing your goals with others

  • Paraphrasing what others say to ensure understanding

What ISN’T dialogue?

• Monologue - one voice is respected (delivered by one person). A monologue is a character talking for a period of time. But it’s also a mood, a way of talking that is different from the surrounding dialogue.

• Debate - two parties competing to win the argument and defeat the other (competitive rather than cooperative strategy).

Attitudes necessary for dialogue

• Open-mindedness - withhold judgment while we completely listen to our conversational partners; we can gather all the information possible about an issue

  • We must respect ourselves as well as the other party

• Genuineness - direct, honest, and straightforward

• Sensitivity - Be sensitive to how others might receive and be affected by your “honest” verbal and nonverbal messages

• Agreeableness - making an attempt to be agreeable will allow us to recognize points we might agree with as opposed to a totalizing statement of agreeing or disagreeing with a person

  • Find places of agreement in the evidence the person uses to get there.

  • Stress the areas of agreement rather than the things on which you disagree to create a much more comfortable climate for communication and generate a positive impression of ourselves for other people

  • Agreeable communicators:

    • Seek to find the things on which they agree with another person

    • Recognize the person is not the argument

    • Don’t equate a person’s character or identify simply with a position they might take on an issue

• Ethical integrity - find ways to express your concerns to people who are in a position to do something to resolve them, rather than just complaining about others behind their backs

  • Ethical approaches inform our sense of what is right and good in a particular situation

  • Law professor Steven Carter describes one type of moral integrity as having three main components:

    • Discerning what is right and what is wrong

    • Acting on what you have discerned, even at personal cost

    • Saying openly that you are acting on your understanding of right from wrong

NCA Credo for Ethical Communication

Involves:

• Truthfulness

• Freedom of expression

• Understanding and respect

• Access to communication resources

• Caring climates

• Condemning degrading communication

• Fairness and justice

• Sharing of opinions

• Responsibility for our own communication

Dialogic behaviors

• Separate facts from interpretation

• Ask clarifying questions

• Allow others to speak fully

• Take notes/paraphrase

• Give your complete attention

• Own up to your statements

Ted Talk by Celeste Headlee (2015)

10 Ways to have a better Conversation (2015) 11:44

What are the 10 ways?

1. Don’t multitask

2. Don’t pontificate - “True listening requires setting aside

3. Use open-ended questions (Who, what, when, why, and how)

4. Go with the flow

5. If you don’t know, say that you don’t know

6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs

7. Try not to repeat yourself

8. Stay out of the wings

9. Listen!!!

10. Be brief

Key Terms

1. Dialogue - a style of communication that respectfully encourages others to want to listen, while also listening in a way that encourages others to want to speak

2. Civility - the ability to treat others with respect so that we can have a lasting, peaceful, and positive interaction

3. Politeness - the act of showing consideration for others in accordance with societal expectations

4. Good manners - those polite behaviors that encourage positive relationships with others

5. Respect - the practice of acknowledging the inherent dignity of the other people as human beings

6. Assertiveness - the practice of clearly, calmly, and confidently making positions and ideas known to others

7. Presentness - a commitment to the moment and the other person in the moment with us; giving your undivided attention

8. Unconditional positive regard - a component of dialogue originated by Carl Rogers; accepting others with a positive attitude

9. Principle of mutual equality - the premise that each person can make an equal contribution to the interaction

10. Monologue - a style of communication where only one voice is respected

11. Debate - a competitive form of communication where parties critically listen to each other with the goal of defeating the opponent’s argument, not understanding the other’s perspective or finding common ground

12. Genuineness - the act of being direct, honest, and straightforward regarding what we believe and think

13. Sensitive - understanding and respecting diversity

14. Agreeable - remaining open to the idea that you might agree with the other person

15. Morality - an inner sense of right and wrong

16. Integrity - the maintenance of a consistent application of our values in every situation