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Week 6 lecture notes

Attachment, Love, Separation and Loss

Lecture Overview

  • Main topics covered:

    • Attachment

    • Formation

    • Influence in adulthood

    • Attraction and love

    • Successful relationships and divorce

    • Death and Dying

Part 1: Attachment I

Attachment Formation

  • John Bowlby (1907-1990): Founder of Attachment Theory

    • Observed effects of disturbed relationships between children and caregivers.

    • Concluded that infants who form attachments are more likely to survive and grow.

    • Characterized by mutual affection and desire for closeness.

Caregiver Contributions

  • Importance of feeding beyond hunger satiation; fosters close relationships.

  • Harlow & Zimmerman (1959): Experiment with monkeys shows preference for cloth surrogate over wire, emphasizing contact comfort.

Bonding Process

  • Bonding begins before birth and involves:

    • Skin-to-skin contact.

    • Synchronised routines.

    • Active proximity seeking, forming true attachment around 6-7 months to 3 years.

    • First clear attachment usually to primary caregiver, associated with separation anxietypeaking between 14 to 18 months.

Part 2: Attachment II - Impact on Later Life

Secure Attachment Benefits

  • Associated with long-term benefits such as:

    • Self-esteem

    • Positive relationships

    • Social competence

    • Resilience

  • Progression from secure attachment to healthy peer relations, intimate friendships, and positive romantic relationships in adulthood.

Influences on Attachment

  • Romanian orphanages illustrate the impact of poor attachments, including:

    • Growth issues, medical problems, and abnormal attachment patterns.

  • Factors like responsive caregiving and ability to form new attachments can mitigate separation impacts.

Part 3: Attachment Styles in Infancy & Adulthood

Infancy Attachment Styles

  • Secure: Trusts caregiver, explores freely.

  • Resistant (Ambivalent): Exhibits anxiety and little exploration, seeking but resisting comfort.

  • Avoidant: Minimal interest in caregiver.

  • Disorganized-Disoriented: Confused and dazed behaviors upon reunion.

Adult Attachment Styles

  • Secure: Trusts partners, enjoys closeness.

  • Resistant: Nikdistrustful, seeks closeness but shows anger.

  • Avoidant: Denies attachment needs, struggles with relationships.

  • Fearful: Needs connections but doubts self-worth, fears intimacy.

Part 4: Relationships & Love

Factors Influencing Interpersonal Attraction

  • Situational Factors: Proximity, familiarity, circumstances of first meetings.

  • Similarity: Alignment in attitudes and values.

  • Physical Attractiveness: Key to popularity; matching hypothesis suggests people pair with those of similar attractiveness levels.

Relationship Phases

  1. Initiation Phase: Initial crushes and awkward beginnings.

  2. Status Phase: Seeking peer approval.

  3. Affection Phase: Developing personal care.

  4. Bonding Phase: Closeness achieved.

Part 5: Successful vs Unsuccessful Relationships

Statistics

  • 50% of marriages have underlying problems; 75% of second marriages fail.

Factors Leading to Divorce

  • Early divorce often linked to emotional expression issues; late divorce usually from lack of communication and emotional distance.

  • Gottman's Four Horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling indicate unhealthy communication styles.

Keys to Successful Relationships

  • Understanding and continuing to grow together.

  • Maintaining fondness and admiration despite challenges.

  • Collaborative problem-solving without allowing issues to become perpetual conflicts.

Part 6: Death & Loss

Stages of Grief

  • Grief processes following death or relationship loss (divorce/separation) can be structured in stages:

    1. Denial

    2. Anger

    3. Bargaining

    4. Depression

    5. Acceptance

Divorce Specific Stages of Grief

  • Denial: Difficulty accepting the reality of divorce.

  • Anger: Heightened emotions related to the divorce process.

  • Bargaining: Attempts to avoid the pain of separation.

  • Depression: Feelings of loneliness.

  • Acceptance: Coming to terms with the new normal post-divorce.