Week 6 lecture notes

Attachment, Love, Separation and Loss

Lecture Overview

• Main topics covered:

  • Attachment

  • Formation

  • Influence in adulthood

  • Attraction and love

  • Successful relationships and divorce

  • Death and Dying

Part 1: Attachment I

Attachment Formation

• John Bowlby (1907-1990): Founder of Attachment Theory

  • Observed effects of disturbed relationships between children and caregivers.

  • Concluded that infants who form attachments are more likely to survive and grow.

  • Characterized by mutual affection and desire for closeness.

Caregiver Contributions

• Importance of feeding beyond hunger satiation; fosters close relationships.

• Harlow & Zimmerman (1959): Experiment with monkeys shows preference for cloth surrogate over wire, emphasizing contact comfort.

Bonding Process

• Bonding begins before birth and involves:

  • Skin-to-skin contact.

  • Synchronised routines.

  • Active proximity seeking, forming true attachment around 6-7 months to 3 years.

  • First clear attachment usually to primary caregiver, associated with separation anxietypeaking between 14 to 18 months.

Part 2: Attachment II - Impact on Later Life

Secure Attachment Benefits

• Associated with long-term benefits such as:

  • Self-esteem

  • Positive relationships

  • Social competence

  • Resilience

• Progression from secure attachment to healthy peer relations, intimate friendships, and positive romantic relationships in adulthood.

Influences on Attachment

• Romanian orphanages illustrate the impact of poor attachments, including:

  • Growth issues, medical problems, and abnormal attachment patterns.

• Factors like responsive caregiving and ability to form new attachments can mitigate separation impacts.

Part 3: Attachment Styles in Infancy & Adulthood

Infancy Attachment Styles

• Secure: Trusts caregiver, explores freely.

• Resistant (Ambivalent): Exhibits anxiety and little exploration, seeking but resisting comfort.

• Avoidant: Minimal interest in caregiver.

• Disorganized-Disoriented: Confused and dazed behaviors upon reunion.

Adult Attachment Styles

• Secure: Trusts partners, enjoys closeness.

• Resistant: Nikdistrustful, seeks closeness but shows anger.

• Avoidant: Denies attachment needs, struggles with relationships.

• Fearful: Needs connections but doubts self-worth, fears intimacy.

Part 4: Relationships & Love

Factors Influencing Interpersonal Attraction

• Situational Factors: Proximity, familiarity, circumstances of first meetings.

• Similarity: Alignment in attitudes and values.

• Physical Attractiveness: Key to popularity; matching hypothesis suggests people pair with those of similar attractiveness levels.

Relationship Phases

1. Initiation Phase: Initial crushes and awkward beginnings.

2. Status Phase: Seeking peer approval.

3. Affection Phase: Developing personal care.

4. Bonding Phase: Closeness achieved.

Part 5: Successful vs Unsuccessful Relationships

Statistics

• 50% of marriages have underlying problems; 75% of second marriages fail.

Factors Leading to Divorce

• Early divorce often linked to emotional expression issues; late divorce usually from lack of communication and emotional distance.

• Gottman's Four Horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling indicate unhealthy communication styles.

Keys to Successful Relationships

• Understanding and continuing to grow together.

• Maintaining fondness and admiration despite challenges.

• Collaborative problem-solving without allowing issues to become perpetual conflicts.

Part 6: Death & Loss

Stages of Grief

• Grief processes following death or relationship loss (divorce/separation) can be structured in stages:

  1. Denial

  2. Anger

  3. Bargaining

  4. Depression

  5. Acceptance

Divorce Specific Stages of Grief

• Denial: Difficulty accepting the reality of divorce.

• Anger: Heightened emotions related to the divorce process.

• Bargaining: Attempts to avoid the pain of separation.

• Depression: Feelings of loneliness.

• Acceptance: Coming to terms with the new normal post-divorce.