Insights at the Edge - Annie Lamott on Radical Self-Care and Self-Acceptance

The Sounds True Foundation

• Aims to create a wiser and kinder world through transformational education.

• Focuses on mindfulness, emotional awareness, and self-compassion.

• Provides tools to at-risk youth, prisoners, veterans, and developing countries.

• Website: soundstruefoundation.org

Introduction to Annie Lamott

• Acclaimed author known for honesty, insight, and humor.

• Author of "Help, Thanks, Wow," "Stitches," "Bird by Bird," and "Hallelujah Anyway: Rediscovering Mercy."

• Advocates for kindness towards oneself and others.

Radical Self-Care as the Foundation of Health and Healing

• Radical self-care is presented as the bedrock for true health and healing, contrasting with the notion of it being self-indulgent.

• Why It's Hard: Rooted in childhood experiences, especially for girls who learn to derive self-esteem from caring for others.

• The flight attendant analogy: Lamott describes herself as a "little flight attendant" to her family, mixing drinks at a young age and prioritizing the needs of others.

• Criticism avoidance: The societal criticism of being "full of oneself" discourages individuals from prioritizing their own needs.

• Empty glass: This leads to operating from a depleted state, causing cellular anxiety.

• Being Your Own Parent: Radical self-care involves acting as one's own parent, providing the care needed.

• Abundance: It means offering care from a place of fullness rather than depletion.

• Practical Steps: Treating oneself as you would treat a loved one, offering comfort, tea, or a bath with Epsom salts.

• Root Cause: The lack of self-acceptance often stems from not receiving adequate care from distracted or mentally unhealthy parents.

Roots of Lack of Self-Acceptance in Early Childhood

• Children in environments with alcoholism or mental illness may suppress their perceptions to avoid worsening the situation.

• The contract of silence: A metaphorical agreement made in childhood to ignore what's really happening and accept the parents' version of reality.

• Loss of Narrative Trust: This leads to a loss of trust in one's own perception and narrative.

• Hyper-vigilance: The development of hyper-vigilance detaches individuals from their core truth and essence.

• Cooling: Children learn to manage the emotions and behaviors of adults, suppressing their own needs and feelings.

• Sensitivity shaming: Highly sensitive children are shamed for being open and receptive.

• Thick skin: This leads to attempts to develop a thicker skin and deny their true feelings.

• Denying Reality: The core issue is denying one's own perception of reality.

• Believing Victims: Affirming the experiences of individuals, especially those who were shamed or disbelieved.

• Compassion as Healing Source: Recognizing the damage caused by past experiences allows for deep compassion and healing.

Radical Care as a Critical Turning Point

• Radical care needs to be something you give to yourself.

• Authenticity: The necessity of self-care to maintain authenticity, vitality, and connection to the universe.

• Feminist Issue: Self-care is presented as a feminist issue, linking back to the times when women were raised to prioritize men's needs.

• Historical Context: Growing up in the 50s/60s - women were expected to serve men without recognition.

• Geishas: Women were raised as geishas.

• Crippling experience: It was a Crippling experiences of being raised to always put men first, and enable them to feel better.

• Feminism: Feminism brought awareness of the institutionalized oppression against women's power.

• Empowerment: Empowering women to express their truth and reclaiming their life force.

• Buck Stops Here: Recognizing that true change starts with oneself.

Bravery, Truth-Telling, and Self-Acceptance

• Bravery is defined by war and aggression. Protecting women/children.

• Cultural Shift: The shift in understanding bravery from physical power to truth-telling (reading Virginia Woolf's journals and letters).

• Voice as Truth: Emphasizing the importance of finding one's own voice to tell the truth.

• Communion: The joy of reading honest work is Chemotherapy. Vulnerable, and funny.

• Early Salvation: The idea that salvation comes from discovering written word and semi-okay.

• heroism: She read Robert Louis Stevenson, Little Women, Pippi Longstocking.

• Pippi Longstocking: Pippi Longstockin gave her life - the idea power, and confidence gave her the courage to talk others out of things.

Overcoming Fear and Judgment

• The realization that everyone shares fears and judgmental thoughts brings relief.

• The System: The system works for two reasons: one, that we're not all crazy on the same day, and that our minds don't have PA systems.

• Me Too: Acknowledging shared struggles creates a communion and union.

• Training Wheels: Finding tenderness towards oneself through the acceptance and support of others is like using training wheels.

• The training wheels: You have support from safe men, women, and safe men that help show support.

• Tenderness Importance: Being able to look at someone with empathy.

• The Urzatz Missionary: Being a missionary to have these converstations.

• Embracing Imperfection: Embracing imperfections and cellulite and swimming in front of anyone.

• Body Aceptance: Accepting yourself even if people have a problem with your weight.

• Beautiful Gazelle: The beautiful young people are like gazelles, and I'm more like a wildebeest. We don't need to be compared.

• Long process: But it took a lifetime of therapy, and bodywork.

• Code-breaking: A code in my mind that I broke.

• Lotion: Insight will follow action - such as decals on your thighs, etc.

• Commitment: This is why she wants to commit to women and self-accepance.

• Toenails: Action might be toenails - wearing the best outfit.

• Confetti fingernails: I got extremely beautiful confetti on my fingernail.

• Women's March: Getting this polish to show that you are beautiful.

• Dancing: She's going to feel beautiful and and dance - inspired by enormous dance teacher she met at the salon.

Body Image, Humor, and Self-Acceptance

• The role of humor in dealing with body image issues is examined.

• Soul Death: Humor helps, but I tried to talk very honestly about it which is like soul death.

• Voices: Constant voices that cause shame as a little child - frizzy hair with getting it straightened.

• The Weather: Interalized terror after weather = curly hair.

• Shyness: Shyness and the dislike of being looked at.

• Thin Frame: Being emaciated as a child and strangers asking "Do you feed her?"

• Shame: The shame with lying on the floor trying cool off because there was no medicine to treat migraines

• Correcting Deficiencies: Feeling defective and trying to correct it.

• Sensitive: Being sensitive and doing things that make everyone else happy.

• Crying: Father told her if she wants to cry about baby being destroyed get an artichoke heart.

• Understanding Deffectiveness: It understanding that you must obviously destroy your parents with your neediness and damagedness.

• Women's Movement: That everyone has that that's Ground zero.

• Acres: You get to have your emotional acres and people don't burst through the gate.

Praying for Body Acceptance

• The possibility and benefits of praying for body acceptance are explored.

• Willingness: The willingness comes from the pain.

• Not caring: The willingness to change comes when you don't care for what others may thiink.

• Prayer Meaning: Prayer means prayer, you can pray about anything and draw closer to God.

• The Action: Take Action, and conviction will follow.

• Pastor Veronica story: Treat yourself for your own good! Don't just stand in the kitchen standing a tube of pingles (this is for inviting someone else over).

• Plate it: you get beautiful food that you have washed and cooked or arranged on a plate with colors because you love her.

• Glass: Get really cool fresh water in class not the old mug.

• worthy: To show that she's worthy of beautiful good moments.

• Other mothers: Having mothers that want and accept someone despite the other may want!

Radom Dass Quote: We're just walking each other home

Offering and Receiving Welcome

• The concept of "The Book of Welcome" from "Small Victories" is discussed in the context of self-acceptance.

• Conditional Love: conditional love and certain expectations.

• B-Pluses: Getting a B plus and it being a good.

• Crazy sick system: your survival depended on playing by those rules and doesn't anymore.

• Radical Self-Love: you start over, love yourself a little better each day.

• It changes the world: Buckle up, it is going to change every single thing about the world.