chastity and the meaning of sex and relationships

the causes and meaning of sex

final cause: is a total gift of self

• physical

• emotional

• spiritual

• two main/inseparable purposes

  • procreation (babies)

  • union (bonding)

lust vs. love

• lust - disordered desire to USE another person for sexual pleasure

• love - willing the highest Good of the other

when makes sense to share this total gift of self?

• a total gift of self requires a total commitment of self.

• this is what marriage gives us—a permanent context in which a couple is free to give themselves to each other:

  • freely - nothing pressuring them

  • totally - holding nothing back

  • faithfully - exclusive relationship

  • fruitfully - open to life (not deliberately blocking it)

fruitful

• you can’t actively block life using contraception

  1. this would change the nature of the action, making it not a total gift of self (harms unitive final cause)

  2. also makes children seem like an unwanted byproduct of sex instead of an integral part (harms procreative final cause)

• can use Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) to prudently determine family size

  1. (research based, not old rhythm method)

• using birth control pill for non-contraceptive reasons such as acne or pain is moral/different action

chastity

• chastity: a virtue that defends true love from selfishness that comes from lust

  • lust = disordered desire for sexual pleasure

  • the desire to use vs. the desire to love

  • everyone is called to live chastely:

  • goal is that our internal self matches our external self-- our sexual desire in harmony with current state of life: married, single, religious life

• marriage is ultimate icon/window we have into the inner life of the Trinity (Lover, Beloved, Love that they share)

  • yet, it’s only a sign of what’s to come, because there is no marriage in Heaven, just perfect union with God

  • those in Religious life are already living that reality and remind the rest of us that this is our ultimate destiny too, which is why they do not marry

chastity vs. abstinence

• not the same thing (though they are related)

  • chastity: a virtue that defends authentic love from selfishness that comes from lust

    • exists in the present, can be started at any time

  • abstinence: not having sex

• for non-married people, abstinence is part of how they live out chastity

• people who save sex for marriage report:

  • higher sexual satisfaction, longer lasting marriages, and much lower rates of STDs and unwanted pregnancies (duh)