chastity and the meaning of sex and relationships

the causes and meaning of sex

final cause: is a total gift of self

• physical

• emotional

• spiritual

• two main/inseparable purposes

  • procreation (babies)
  • union (bonding)

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lust vs. love

• lust - disordered desire to USE another person for sexual pleasure

• love - willing the highest Good of the other

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when makes sense to share this total gift of self?

• a total gift of self requires a total commitment of self.

• this is what marriage gives us—a permanent context in which a couple is free to give themselves to each other:

  • freely - nothing pressuring them
  • totally - holding nothing back
  • faithfully - exclusive relationship
  • fruitfully - open to life (not deliberately blocking it)

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fruitful

• you can’t actively block life using contraception

  1. this would change the nature of the action, making it not a total gift of self (harms unitive final cause)
  2. also makes children seem like an unwanted byproduct of sex instead of an integral part (harms procreative final cause)

• can use Fertility Awareness Based Methods (FABMs) to prudently determine family size

  1. (research based, not old rhythm method)

• using birth control pill for non-contraceptive reasons such as acne or pain is moral/different action

chastity

• chastity: a virtue that defends true love from selfishness that comes from lust
  • lust = disordered desire for sexual pleasure
  • the desire to use vs. the desire to love
  • everyone is called to live chastely:
  • goal is that our internal self matches our external self-- our sexual desire in harmony with current state of life: married, single, religious life
• marriage is ultimate icon/window we have into the inner life of the Trinity (Lover, Beloved, Love that they share)
  • yet, it’s only a sign of what’s to come, because there is no marriage in Heaven, just perfect union with God
  • those in Religious life are already living that reality and remind the rest of us that this is our ultimate destiny too, which is why they do not marry

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chastity vs. abstinence

• not the same thing (though they are related)
  • chastity: a virtue that defends authentic love from selfishness that comes from lust
  • exists in the present, can be started at any time
  • abstinence: not having sex
• for non-married people, abstinence is part of how they live out chastity
• people who save sex for marriage report:
  • higher sexual satisfaction, longer lasting marriages, and much lower rates of STDs and unwanted pregnancies (duh)

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