12 - Relationships

Building Relationships with College Instructors

What your instructors expect from you:

• Be prepared and on time

• Remain for the entire class

• Do the assigned work

• Listen and participate

• Think critically about the material

• Persist even when learning is difficult

• Be honest, open, and sincere

• Be self-motivated

  \n What you can expect from your instructors:

• Grading you fairly

• Providing meaningful feedback

• Being organized, prepared, and enthusiastic

• Being accessible

Peer Leaders

What you can expect from your peer leader:

• Work as co-instructors or student mentors \n Selected because they:
• Have good academic records
• Have strong leadership abilities
• Want to help first-year students be successful

Making the Most of the Learning Relationship

• Most instructors are required to keep office hours
• Make an appointment if you need help with a difficult topic or to discuss a problem
• Instructors who know you well may write you letters of reference when applying to graduate school or for a job

Relationships with College Instructors

Understanding academic freedom:

• Virtually unlimited freedom of speech and inquiry, as long as human lives, rights, and privacy are not violated
• Also extends to students

Handling a conflict with an instructor:

• Can ask for a meeting to discuss the problem
• Can go up the administrative ladder if instructor refuses

Family Connections

• Maintain family relationships throughout your college years

Marriage and parenting during college:

• They can coexist but not easily
• You need to become an expert at time management
• Take time for your partner and family
• Plan carefully as you schedule work and classes

Relationships with your parents:

• They will change
• Communicate with your parents, but make your own decisions
• Be aware of their concerns
• Remember, parents generally mean well
• If needed, seek help from your campus’s counseling center or from a chaplain

Homesickness

• Shift in environment and daily pattern
• Varying speeds of adjustment

Tips for transitions:

• Don’t let go of home all at once
• Reach out slowly
• Keep in mind that you are not the only new person at college.

Personal Relationships

Roommates:

• Must be able to live together comfortably
• Friends don’t always make the best roommates
• Establish rights and responsibilities in writing
• Talk out problems promptly and directly
• Talk to the residence hall adviser if problems persist
• If things do not improve, insist on a change

Romantic relationships/marriage:

• Studies show the younger you are when you marry, the lower your odds of enjoying a successful marriage
• It’s important not to marry before both you and your partner are certain of who you are and what you want

Breaking Up

• End romantic relationships cleanly and calmly
• Explain your feelings, and talk them out
• Take the high road
• Let some time pass
• Be open to emotional support
• Visit your counselor or chaplain if necessary

Relationship No-Nos

• Avoid involvement with someone who is in a “power relationship” with you
• Creates opportunities for abuses of power and/or sexual harassment
• It’s harder to heal from a breakup with a coworker

Protecting Yourself and Others against Sexual Assault and Violence

• Most survivors are women, although everyone is at risk
• The attacker is often someone the survivor knows
• Many assaults go unreported
• Assaults are linked to alcohol use
• Campus Save Act and Clery Act of 1990
• Sexual assault causes traumatic effects

Protecting Yourself and Others against Sexual Assault and Violence

Steps to help a person who has experienced a sexual assault:

• Remain empathetic and nonjudgmental
• Keep information private; ensure the survivor’s confidentiality
• Listen
• Talk with the survivor about how to proceed; discuss options
• Seek out advice from a professional
• Stay in touch; follow up to see if the survivor is getting help

Communicating in a Digital Age

• Match the seriousness of your message to your communication medium
• Online isn’t always more efficient
• Presume that your posts are public
• Remember that your posts are permanent
• Create drafts
• Protect yourself and your online identity