Recognizing and Responding to Problematic Sexual Behaviors in Early Childhood
Childcare providers play a vital role in supporting all aspects of early childhood development—from nurturing motor skills to fostering social and emotional growth. This training is designed to expand that foundation by helping providers better understand healthy sexual development in early childhood.
Participants will explore what developmentally appropriate sexual behaviors look like in early childhood and learn how to identify behaviors that may be concerning or problematic. The training will also offer practical guidance on how to respond effectively to both problematic and developmentally appropriate sexual behaviors, with a focus on maintaining a safe, supportive environment for all children. Additional resources for continued learning and professional support will be provided.
Learning Objectives:
Understand characteristics of developmentally appropriate sexual play in children.
Understand characteristics of abnormal or problematic sexual behaviors in children.
Understand what may cause a child to engage in problematic sexual behaviors.
Understand how to respond to both developmentally appropriate, and problematic, sexual behaviors in children.
Session Overview
Caitie Dahl of Zero Abuse Project presents a comprehensive training on problematic sexual behaviors (PSB) in young children, with some discussion of older children. Zero Abuse Project is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit dedicated to ending child abuse in three generations, primarily through multidisciplinary training, expert testimony, and technical assistance for professionals who respond to child maltreatment. The presenter is a forensic interview specialist who interview children in investigations and now focuses on training professionals, publications, expert testimony, and occasional field interviews. The goal is to help front-line adults who interact with children—teachers, foster providers, babysitters, camp staff, etc.—to recognize normal child development, identify signs that may be problematic, respond calmly and effectively, redirect behaviors, and understand when to report suspected abuse. The session emphasizes safety, prevention, and support for both children and adults in caregiving roles. It also acknowledges the emotional impact for listeners and provides self-care guidance and resources.
Core concepts: normal versus problematic sexual behaviors in children
The talk centers on differentiating developmentally appropriate sexual development and behaviors from problematic sexual behaviors (PSB) in children, especially focused on early childhood but with some discussion of adolescence.
Developmental context: all children experience sexual development and curiosity; behaviors vary by age and level of cognitive development. For young kids, private parts are a mystery and exploration is common, not driven by sexual arousal or gratification.
A key distinction is consent and power: PSB often involves coercion, force, repeated targeting of other children, or interactions that involve power imbalances (e.g., a much older child with a younger one).
Normal development is typically periodic, between children of similar age and ability, and responsive to calm redirection. In contrast, PSB may be frequent, persistent, coercive, harmful, or involving cross-age/ability disparities.
Adults should avoid overlaying adult sexual lenses (desire, pleasure, arousal) on children’s behaviors and instead interpret the behavior as curiosity, learning, or imitation.
Psychosocial context matters: exposure to violence, maltreatment, or excessive adult sexual content can increase risk for PSB, and protective factors (emotional support, social skills, stable caregiving) buffer these risks.
Terminology note: the speaker emphasizes calling the initiator rather than a predator while recognizing that a child’s behavior can be a sign of harm or trauma. When discussing offenders, the focus is on patterns and intent that are more common in older or older-adjacent individuals.
Prevalence context: developmentally normal sexual behavior by age 12 is common. A statistic cited is that between 40\% and 85\% of kids will engage in some kind of sexual behavior by age 12. This range often surprises listeners but is framed to reflect normal development, with redirection and education as appropriate.
Exposure to sexual content via media and devices is a modern factor. Examples include inadvertent exposure (e.g., a child hearing terms or seeing content via smart devices, advertisements, or misprinted packaging) and intentional searches, which can occur at a young age. A notable example: a child asked Alexa to show explicit content, illustrating unfettered access to sexual content even without literacy.
A provocative maxim used in training: "Big Bird doesn’t give blowjobs" to emphasize that learning age-appropriate content (Sesame Street-era material) should not yield knowledge of explicit adult sexual acts unless a child has been exposed to it in other ways. This underscores the need to distinguish casual curiosity from learned adult sexual acts.
The role of prevention education: prevention curricula (Jacob Butterling Resource Center) present age-appropriate conversations about safe and unsafe touches, how to respond to unsafe touches, and how to tell a trusted adult. The curriculum emphasizes
a) safety rules and body privacy,
b) five safe trusted adults a child can contact (more than one is recommended, since most abuse victims know the abuser),
c) the difference between secrets and surprises, and
d) practical tools like the "uh-oh" or gut feeling signal to alert a caregiver.
Prevention messaging includes concepts like empowering children to check with a caregiver before leaving with someone, understanding that safe touches are only those that medical or caregiving tasks require, and teaching children to say no, get away, and tell a trusted adult if something feels unsafe.
Developmental timeline and behavior patterns in early childhood
Ages 2-6: Common development includes touching own private parts for comfort or curiosity, showing genitals to others, looking at others’ genitals, imitating adult behaviors (e.g., doctor, kissing, pretending to be mom/dad), and engaging in make-believe that may touch on body parts or romantic roles (e.g., pretend weddings, families).
Privacy and self-regulation begin to develop gradually: young children seek comfort and exploration but may not understand long-term consequences. They are not planning or targeting; actions are usually exploratory and spontaneous.
Preschoolers often imitate what they see around them (TV, doctor visits, family dynamics). Language can rapidly expand and may include new body-part terms; not all newly used terms imply sexual intent or content consumption.
Common development includes undressing for comfort, preferring minimal clothing when indoors, and sometimes running around nude; these preferences are not inherently sexual but can raise concerns if they occur in public or with coercive or repeated patterns.
A key differentiator is consent and safety: behaviors should be non-coercive, involve mutual participation among children of similar age and ability, and be manageable through calm redirection.
Privacy grows gradually: by later preschool/early school years, some private behaviors take place in private spaces (bathroom, bedroom) rather than in public. Home rules around privacy vary across families and cultures.
By ages 7-12 : masturbation or self-stimulation often occurs in private; children may experiment with sexuality within peer groups, play truth-or-dare-type games, and explore dating/romantic roles in pretend play (e.g., mom/dad, boyfriend/girlfriend).
They may also view images of naked people, driven mainly by curiosity rather than sexual arousal; sexual content in media can influence curiosity, but the presentation suggests these behaviors are typically exploratory rather than gratification-driven at this stage.
The talk emphasizes that curiosity and exploration remain common, and behaviors should be evaluated within the context of safety, consent, and frequency.
How to respond to observed behaviors: redirection, safety, and language
Key approach: respond calmly, without shaming or punitive judgments, to preserve the child’s willingness to disclose in the future and reduce barriers to seeking help.
If behavior is developmentally normal but occurs in public or involves others, redirect gently and provide clear boundaries:
Example language: "It looks like you’re touching each other’s private parts. We don’t touch other people’s private parts. If you touch your own private parts, that must happen in private (like in the bathroom or bedroom)."
For scenarios with preschoolers, emphasize that sharing private parts in public is not appropriate, and redirect to private space; ensure the setting is safe and non-judgmental.
When there is a risk that someone is being harmed, or when a pattern seems persistent or escalating, separate the children involved and address safety, not punishment. Use the language of safety: what happened, who touched whom, where, and when (the basic information that can facilitate reporting).
Do not conduct a personal mini-investigation. Gather basic information only (who, what, where, when) and immediately initiate a mandated report if required.
For initiators and recipients, ensure both feel safe and supported. Redirect the initiator’s behavior and attend to the child who may have experienced harm.
Do not shame the child who initiated the behavior. Normalize education and safety messages to reduce stigma and encourage future disclosures.
When behaviors are clearly problematic (e.g., coercion, persistence after redirection, crossing age or ability boundaries, use of force or weapons, or harming others), escalate to mandated reporting and professional evaluation.
The same response approach applies to developmentally appropriate versus problematic behaviors: maintain calm, redirect, separate, assess safety, and report if needed. The goal is safety and education, not punishment.
Case scenarios and teaching points from the session
Scenario: Three five-year-old girls in the classroom with their panties off, touching each other’s genitals and giggling. Assessment: This can be developmentally normal if participation is voluntary and there is no distress; however, redirect to not touching others and to private self-touching. Sample redirection: "It looks like you’re touching each other’s private parts. You can touch your own private parts, but not other people."
Scenario: A teacher finds preschoolers touching in a way that seems normal but wants guidance on handling. The recommended approach is to redirect calmly, provide education about boundaries, and ensure privacy for self-touching in private spaces.
Scenario: A child in class sits by themselves with underwear pulled to the side, touching genitals. If no other children are aware, this can still be developmentally normal; intervention should be calm, with a move to the bathroom for private exploration and reassurance that help is available if there’s pain, itching, or discomfort.
Sample teacher response: "I notice you’re touching your private parts. If you need to touch your private parts, we go to the bathroom together. If you’re uncomfortable, I’m here to help."
Scenario: Older children (roughly 7-12) may engage in private masturbation, or extend boundaries within games like truth-or-dare, or explore romance roles and pictures. The content emphasizes curiosity but highlights that explicit sexual activity with others or with significantly older or younger peers requires caution and possible intervention.
Miss Blackwood scenario: Grandmother taking in Summer (7) and Darren (5) after prior sexual abuse in the family. Summer is initiating contact with Darren with little reaction or concern. This is categorized as PSB needing intervention and education, with potential reporting if abuse history is uncertain or incomplete. Emphasizes that PSB can reflect trauma and requires careful assessment and appropriate referrals.
General scenario implications: When PSB is observed, consider prior trauma exposure, polyvictimization (the experience of multiple maltreatment types), and protective factors. The session notes that polyvictimization is common; many abused children experience multiple maltreatment types, which compounds risk and the difficulty of healing.
Risk factors, causes, and correlates of PSB
Psychosocial context: exposure to violence, maltreatment, or domestic violence increases risk for PSB. Polyvictimization—experiencing multiple maltreatment types—increases complexity and the likelihood of ongoing trauma.
Protective factors buffer trauma: emotional support from adults, social skills, family protection, and stable caregiving reduce the risk of harmful outcomes and facilitate healing.
Impulsivity and poor emotional regulation are significant risk factors: children who act before they think or have difficulty soothing themselves are more prone to PSB, particularly if there are limited boundaries or stress in the home.
Behavioral and mental health correlates: depressed or anxious presentations, as well as other mental health disorders, can accompany PSB and may complicate the presentation and intervention.
Offender versus initiator dynamics: younger children who engage in PSB are often mimicking observed behavior or arising from trauma; older adolescents or adults typically have different motivations, including power and control.
Typical etiologies vary by age: younger children are more likely to mimic behavior seen in adults or peers; older children may engage in riskier exploration or respond to exposure to explicit material. The underlying motivations differ, and so do the required interventions.
Exposure to pornography and explicit content: today’s higher access to explicit content can contribute to PSB; however, not all exposure equates to abuse, and inappropriate responses require careful assessment.
It is essential to avoid assuming abuse solely from PSB: PSB can be a sign of abuse, but it can also be a reaction to trauma, exposure to violent environments, or normal developmental exploration. A careful, comprehensive assessment is required.
Reporting and legal considerations: if PSB is observed, in many jurisdictions a mandated report is required; the focus is on safety and ensuring proper investigation rather than punitive measures toward the child.
The session emphasizes that PSB among children does not automatically indicate that the child will become a sexual offender in adulthood. The appropriate interventions, supports, and therapies can alter trajectories.
Prevention and education resources
Jacob Butterling Resource Center: the project’s prevention curriculum for children, designed to cover four age-appropriate levels of conversation about safe and unsafe touches, what to do if touched, and how to tell someone.
Empower Me: prevention content for younger children (preschool) and a version for older children; teaches concepts like:
Check first with a caregiver before leaving with someone or accepting a gift;
Difference between secrets and surprises; practice recognizing red flags and reporting unsafe situations;
Safety rules and five safe, trusted adults (recommended to identify five adults to talk to, not just one, because most abuse involves someone known to the child);
The ability to say no, get away, and tell a trusted adult; understanding that it is not their fault if they did not say no or could not escape.
Five trusted adults: the importance of multiple trusted adults because most abuse involves someone known to the child; the curriculum emphasizes building a network of trusted people.
No secrets: training emphasizes that secrets are not safe and should be discussed with trusted adults; the distinction between secrets and surprises is reinforced.
The "uh-oh" feeling/gut feeling: teaching kids to listen to the internal signal that something is wrong and to seek help.
Empower Me practical practice: materials and activities to help children practice telling a trusted adult and recognizing risk signals.
Five- and other safety messaging also extend to adults interacting with kids; prevention education aims to build a culture of safety in homes, schools, and communities.
Survivor Space: a platform for adult survivors of child sexual abuse, with resources and virtual support groups (survivorspace.org).
Mama Bear Effect: prevention resources for parents, focusing on practical, protective measures for families.
National Traumatic Stress Network: provides resources on sexual development and behavior, trauma-informed care, and other supports for families and professionals.
Amaze Junior: a collection of short, age-appropriate animated videos that cover safety, sexual development, abuse prevention, and related topics; useful for initiating conversations with children.
Local resources: child advocacy centers and Zero Abuse Project staff provide advocacy and support, and there are state and local resources for additional help.
Language, communication, and ethical considerations in handling PSB
The training emphasizes non-judgmental, non-shaming language to reduce barriers to disclosure and encourage ongoing conversation. Shaming can deter a child from reporting abuse later.
It is essential to balance safety and privacy: teach children safe boundaries while respecting their privacy. Help children identify five trusted adults to talk to if they feel unsafe.
When addressing a PSB incident, the response should be calm, immediate, and child-centered:
Separate the initiator and the recipient to ensure safety;
Gather basic information (who, what, where, when) and report as required; avoid a full investigation;
Do not punish or shame the initiator; provide education about boundaries and safety;
Ensure the recipient feels safe and supported and monitor for emotional distress.
The speaker notes that misdirected or punitive responses can create long-term barriers to disclosure and healing, and can worsen trauma. The preferred response is calm intervention and supportive follow-through.
The talk acknowledges that PSB is not always indicative of abuse, but it can be a sign that abuse occurred or that trauma is present. A thorough assessment by trained professionals is necessary.
The ethical dimension includes ensuring children’s safety, supporting families, and providing resources while avoiding stigmatization of the child who initiates or reveals PSB.
Reporting, safety protocols, and investigation considerations
When PSB is observed, a mandated report should be filed as appropriate by the jurisdiction and organization’s policy.
Professionals should gather essential information (who, what, where, when) but avoid a private, extensive investigative inquiry that could contaminate evidence or harm the child’s reporting process.
It is critical to ensure both children’s safety and to coordinate with child protection services, law enforcement, and appropriate agencies. Do not delay reporting to complete a personal assessment.
After reporting, resume normal activities with attention to safety: supervise the children, monitor for ongoing distress, and maintain a supportive environment for disclosure.
Practical takeaways for professionals and caregivers
Be prepared with practical language to address PSB: redirect, educate, and separate, while avoiding shame.
Develop a plan to identify five safe adults for a child to contact in case of danger.
Use prevention curricula (e.g., Empower Me) in schools and at home to normalize conversations about safety and privacy.
Recognize that PSB can be a signal of trauma or exposure to violence and that timely, trauma-informed responses improve outcomes.
Access resources like Survivor Space, Mama Bear Effect, Amaze Junior, and the National Traumatic Stress Network for continued guidance and support.
Acknowledge the complexity and individuality of each case; there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Collaboration with child protection professionals, medical staff, mental health professionals, and educators is essential.
Finally, acknowledge the emotional toll on caregivers and professionals; practice self-care and seek support when faced with triggering content or challenging cases.
Final reflections and next steps
Prevention and education are ongoing processes that require community investment, training, and open dialogue with children and families.
The overall aim is to reduce risk, support healing, and ensure every child has access to safe, trusted adults who can help them navigate concerns about their own bodies and those of peers.
If you want additional information or access to training materials, you can contact Zero Abuse Project or the presenter for further resources and publications.
Presenter: Caitie Dahl, Forensic Interview Specialist and Trainer caitie.dahl@zeroabuseproject.org